Killing Me Slowly
by Fire'N'Ice
Summary: AU because of OotP. D/Hr eventually. After being on the brink of falling, Draco realizes maybe he isn't so hopeless as he thought. But it's a long road to redemption... Suicidal thoughts, child abuse, dark themes. Bigger summary within..Please R
1. Picture Perfect

Author's Note: Ok, I know the whole abused, angsty Draco thing has been done like a million times, but I this is my first time doing it soo... :) In any case, this is both my first Harry Potter and my first angst fic.  So saying, I'm sorry if at times Draco or Lucius seem out of character.  I also happened to be rather depressed myself when writing this, so I also apologize if it gets too sappy.  Please review, I'd appreciate any kind of advice/constructive criticism/ect, seeing as I really have no idea what I'm doing :)  Umm, flame if you must, free speech and all that, but if you're going to, please be specific as to what angers you so much so they serve some sort of purpose.  Now, this is set to Numb by Linkin Park and is just gonna be this one chapter so... enjoy....

I had to repost this, because I forgot a disclaimer *oops*.  Ok, here is is: I don't own Harry Potter or any of it's characters... yeah I know, you're all very shocked....

     The house, the mansion, was amazing.  Surely, anyone inside would feel honored to be able to exist in such splendor.  It was the best and who, after all, didn't want the best?  The family who lived in this magnificent structure always got the best, by fair ways or ways... not so fair.  Only they knew that this luxury was cold to the touch, that however large the manor was... it would never be a home.

~*I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless  
Lost under the surface*~

     In one of the many rooms of this manor a sixteen-year-old boy lay on his bed, each breath an effort.  Draco Malfoy stared at the door he knew to be locked.  Not just with a key, but spells, enchantments that would keep him there until his father felt like letting him out.  His gaze turned to the silver framed photo of him and his parents clutched in his hand.  Taken about a year before, it was typical of most family portraits they had.  It was a wizard picture (as if they would have anything muggle made) but still they stood perfectly still.  To move would be to show some feelings, something Malfoys did not do.  Each one was a flawless ice statue.  His mother, Narcissa, was polished to perfection, her mouth a straight line.  She looked dignified and untouchable.  Towering next to her was his father, Lucius, wearing black dress robes and holding his silver topped cane.  Emotionless eyes stared out from under the glass, causing Draco to shudder involuntarily and spasms of pain to shot throughout his bruised body.  In front of them, in the middle, stood Draco himself, only a little shorter than his father.  He was also attired in black dress robes, his white blonde hair slicked back and his whole face mimicked his fathers, except for his eyes.  Unlike Lucius' they held a softness that, although guarded, was visible if one looked closely enough.   Still, the three looked like they belonged together, all seemingly uncaring and indifferent.  Their very stances screamed, "We are above you!"

~*I don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure  
Of walking in your shoes*~

     That is what scared Draco the most, for his father's footsteps were the last things he wanted to follow.  A trickle of blood from a cut on his upper cheek reached his mouth and he licked it off his lips.  If he could just get to his wand and heal the cuts... but getting up was out of the question.  He remembered this clearly when he squirmed a little without thinking and white-hot pain consumed his leg.  Eyes growing moist, he chanted to himself, "Malfoys don't cry, Malfoys don't cry".

~*[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you*~

He was still reciting it when the first tear slid down his pale cheek, mixing with the blood.

~*I've  
Become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
Become so tired  
So much more aware*~

     It wasn't the first time his father had "expressed his disappointment" but it felt like the worst.  The argument had been terrible, Draco managed to shudder only mentally this time as he recalled what occurred earlier that evening...

_     Draco had just gotten home that morning for the winter holiday.  Lucius had been "away", which his son correctly interpreted as having a meeting with Voldemort.  Narcissa was sitting in the parlor with him when his father finally returned and walked in with an uncharacteristically large smile on his face.  This worried Draco right away, for very few things made Lucius happy...and none of them were good.  The dark wizard took no notice of his wife but walked straight to Draco and exclaimed, "I have the most wonderful news!"  _

_His son remained aloof, "Yes, father?"  _

_"The Dark Lord has decided to get rid of that worthless rat Pettigrew and wants you, my son, to come into the inner circle sooner than planned and be his confidant."_

_Only years of practice allowed Draco to hide his shock and disgust, "How much sooner?"_

_His father explained excitedly, "Well, as you know, it was expected you would accept the dark mark when you turned eighteen.  However, He now wants it done six months from now, a little before your 17th.  During those months, you will be trained by both myself and the Dark Lord to prepare you", his eyes, if possible, sparkled, "Imagine all you'll learn, Draco."_

_The young man unconsciously gripped his chair tighter as he asked, "Why me?"_

_Lucius stated proudly, "He has heard of you often and certainly knows I have taught you well.  Also, he knows of your relationship with that Potter brat and how you have been doing your best to thwart him", his gaze faltered a little now, reminding Draco that his best just wasn't enough before continuing, "Besides, I am one of his most loyal followers."_

_"Then why not you?"  Draco didn't realize he had spoken the thought till his father's face twisted a little.  _

_His hard tone in answering showed it was obviously a bit of a sore subject with him, "He wants youth, I'm getting rather on in years.  I do not question my master, Draco, and you should learn to do the same."_

_He schooled his expression into one of apology, "Of course, father, I'm sorry."_

_Lucius nodded, satisfied, "At the next meeting, you will accompany me and express your gratitude at such an honor."_

_"Yes, father", he rose and began to leave.  Just as he reached the doorway though, his feet became planted to the floor.  He couldn't do this anymore!  He wouldn't!_

~*I'm becoming this  
All I want to do  
Is be more like me  
And be less like you*~__

_Turning, Draco looked his father in they eyes and stated clearly, "No."_

_Not much confused Lucius Malfoy, he was in control of his reactions at all times.  There were rumors he didn't even possess feelings.  But, his 16-yr-old son, whom he assumed would do as expected and obey, turning to him and saying "No" baffled him._

~*Can't you see that you're smothering me  
Holding too tightly*~__

_     His mouth opened a bit and then snapped back shut.  Draco would have found it amusing if he didn't fear for his life at the moment.  Finally Lucius regained his composure and glared at his son, "What exactly are you saying no to?"_

_"All of it!" Draco found himself yelling, self- control vanished, he had 16 years worth of anger to vent, "I don't want to be Voldemort's best friend!  I don't want the Dark Mark at all!  He disgusts me, it disgusts me and so do you!  I'm sick of listening to you, this is my life dammit!"_

_For the second time in a span of a few minutes, the grown wizard found himself stunned.  It was not a feeling Lucius much liked.  Evidence was found of this when he quickly strode across the room and backhanded his son, who slammed into the wall._

~*Afraid to lose control  
'Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you*~__

_     Neither noticed Narcissa leave the room.  She wouldn't help Draco, she never did.  Lucius had turned her into a hollow, superficial mouse and she would spend the rest of the night crying behind the curtain in her bed for her and her son.  _

_Draco quickly got to his feet, he had expected the blow and would not give his father the pleasure of seeing him lying on the floor.  Unpleasant fear coursed through his veins but still he glared openly at Lucius.  Quidditch and the gene pool had given the teenager muscle and he really was quite strong, but he knew the older man would win in physical fighting.  Not that he thought that would last long, Lucius much preferred using spells than dirtying his own hands..."Coward!" his mouth seemed to have a mind of its own.  He continued at the confusion on the other man's face, "You like to think you're so much better than everyone else, muggles, muggle borns, poorer wizards.  You're not!  They don't go see some half formed creature at night!  They don't place their families at risk for their own selfish gains!  I wonder, did your lord ever ask why you never went to Azkadan like his other 'most faithful' followers?  Face it, you would have been much happier if Voldemort had stayed gone and you could just sit around playing with dark curses!"  Even he didn't know he felt all that until it all came tumbling out._

_Lucius whipped out his wand and threw Draco against the wall again with it, pinning him there, "Been spending too much time around perfect Potter, have you?"  His voice was full of venom and repulsion._

Draco felt as though he could feel the explosion inside his father and knew now was the pivotal moment.  He could break down, apologize, beg, whatever, and get off with a limited amount of pain... or he could finish what he started.  There wasn't even a decision.  He stared into eyes that were so much like his, yet so different, and said what he knew would seal his fate, "I would rather be like Potter than you... all you have is some overrated blood."  

He barely even heard the shout, "Crucio!" before he was writhing on the floor in agony.  Of course it wasn't the first, or even fifth, time it had been used on him, but it was as if his father's intense anger made it worse.  Needles were poking, knives were slicing, muscles were twisting, every organ felt as though it were exploding.  Open wounds broke through pure white skin.  Black and blue marred ivory flesh.  Biting his lip only kept the screams in so long and soon Narcissa was burying her head in the pillow to block out her child's cries.  It went on longer than it ever had before, and Draco's last thought before slipping into unconsciousness was that Lucius' goal was death.  

An undeterminable amount of time later, he was awakened by a sharp kick in the stomach.  When he looked up, his father was standing above him.  Hoarsely Draco asked, "Am I in hell?"  

Lucius laughed cruelly, "You're not dead, boy.  I told you, Voldemort wants you.  And you will go to him, I'll not have you shame this family anymore!  I don't know why I am cursed with such a useless disappointment such as yourself, but I won't suffer because of you.  Learn your place, or tonight will pale in comparison to the consequences you'll face."

~*[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]  
Every step that I take is  
Another mistake to you*~

 Not waiting for a reaction, he levitated his son and brought him up to his room, not particularly watching what the floating body hit.  Upstairs, he roughly dropped hovering boy on the bed and left without a word, locking the door behind him....

"Idiot", Draco muttered to his picture counterpart, "You really thought that would end well?  All you've got now is a battered body and a pissed off father", he sighed, "And you're talking to yourself."  

~*[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]  
And every second I waste  
Is more than I can take*~

     Thinking about it, he really had no idea why he had made that deadly statement.  Yeah, in the beginning, he had thought it was pretty great to be rich and have such a powerful father, to order people around.  After time, though, it got old.  Money and terror gave him Crabbe and Goyle, but they were bodyguards, not friends.  His mother was lifeless and his father would kill him in a second if Voldemort ordered it.  Draco became aware that he was completely alone, and that was scary.  Scary enough to make him stand up to his worst nightmare.  

     However, regardless of how he felt about being a death-eater, he still wasn't the nicest of guys.  He simply didn't want to be following orders from some crackpot.  Also, he had to admit, hurting people to the extent that they did wasn't his style.  If he was being totally honest, he didn't want to look around one day in the future and find himself as his father, with a wife that barely spoke, a son who hated him and no true friends.  

~*But I know  
I may end up falling too*~

     In any case, he still didn't like Potter.  Not because he defeated Voldemort or because he liked muggles... he just didn't like him.  Didn't like how he walked around and everyone bowed down, even though Draco confessed, he didn't like the attention.  Potter was simply too... perfect for him, much as he hated using his father's description.  Potter was... pain pushed away the rest of the thought as he brought the picture to the other hand.  Even if he just lied there, every part of his body was engulfed in torment.  He desperately prayed to a god he didn't believe existed to let him fall into comforting darkness and escape the torture.  

     He stared at his father once again, trying to find something, anything alive in him... but there was only an empty, chilling hole.  Ever since he could remember, Draco had wanted his father to be proud of him, to thank fate, instead of damning it, for having him as a son.  He did all he could think of: he hated "mudbloods", sneered at those "below them", remained cool in the face of anything and worked to maintain the prestige of the Malfoy name.  Still, as loathing thrived in him, somewhere inside there was the little boy who just wanted a father who didn't hate him.  But, it was never enough and, he realized, it would never be enough.

The picture seemed to taunt him, having them right next to each other, displaying similarities for everyone to see.  Father and son, exactly alike but for the length of their hair...glass shards went flying as the expensive silver frame knocked against the wall.

~*But I know  
You were just like me  
With someone disappointed in you*~

Gritting his teeth against the ache that such a sharp movement had caused, Draco glowered at the photograph on the floor and promised, "I'll never be you".


	2. Acting the Part

A/N.... I intended this to be just one chapter but since it takes very little to please me and two people have responded kindly, I've decided to add another, lol, see how easy it is to make me happy?  Speaking of which, thank you sooo much to Darcel and MysticalWoodElf!! hehe I love all reviews :)  Alright, as before, I apologize for any OOC and oversappyness (that's not a word, is it? oh well...)     Now, in Chapter Two, Draco is back at Hogwarts and in Potions class observing a certain trio of friends.  He is also having a struggle of sorts with himself, and how he feels about things..... I've decided to use another Linkin Park song: "Lying From You" (just in case, the lyrics are in the " ~* " things).... Also, this one is in 1st person, so you'll all be looked straight through Draco's eyes this time :) One more thing, then I promise I'll get to it, when it comes to ingredients, I'm clueless as what to say, so it might seem a bit odd....Unfortunately, Microsoft has decided it hates me and won't let the italics work (it won't stay at "normal") so, a flashback this time will begin and end with these: ~~~~~~~~~~~.  k? sorry if it's confusing and, also, any weird spacing, this one is kinda screwed up for some reason.  Ok, enough talking, lol, here you go....

~*When I pretend  
Everything is what I want it to be  
I look exactly like what you had always  
Wanted to see*~

Stupid Weasley, he just put in the tail before the dragon's nail.  Doesn't he know that's gonna make it....

*BOOM*

Moron, now there's smoke everywhere, if he got my robes dirty I'm gonna kill him.  Maybe it doesn't matter if he destroys those rags he calls clothes but this are proper, expensive clothing, not that he'd know about anything like that.  He was too busy watching that Mudblood, Granger, with a goofy expression on his ugly little freckled face.  I wonder if she notices, probably not.  If it's not in a book that girl doesn't pay attention to it.  At least this served some purpose, Snape's really going at him...

"WEASLEY!  If you can't manage to make a simple potion without screwing up the ingredients, then what the HELL are you doing in your 6th year?!?!"  Ohh, I think he noticed the redhead's little attraction..."Maybe you would make it if you kept your eyes ON the directions and OFF Ms. Granger! I don't want your stupid little love lives to interfere with my class, understood?"

Oh this is priceless, poor little Ro- Weasley's face is matching his hair.  Well, what can be seen, anyway, soot is covering most of his cheeks and forehead... hmm, it's a rather good look for him.  Looks like he wants to hex Snape, but now would be a good time to just nod and turn away, but....

"I was looking at the directions!  Just because ONE thing goes wrong doesn't mean I'm an idiot!  So leave Hermione out of this!"

Stupid boy doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut, but his answer does provide me with a lot of amusement.  I suppose if I'd just gotten paired with that little Mudblood, I'd be rather angry too.  I can barely conceal my laughter, Snape doesn't like being yelled at....

"20 points from Gryffindor for insolence!  I don't want to see you move your eyes from that sheet for the rest of class, Weasley, got it?  And Ms. Granger, I'd appreciate it if you could turn down your charm a little so my students can actually get some work done".

Wow, that was harsh.  What am I saying?  It's Granger, she deserves it.  Yeah, deserves it a lot. 

~*When I pretend  
I can forget about the criminal I am                                                                                                                                                                                 Stealing second after second just 'cause  
I know I can/But  
I can't pretend this is the way  
It will stay*~

Aww, her face is becoming identical to her little boyfriend's.  It looks like she's gonna start screaming too... oh nope, Wonderboy is finally standing up, I was wondering how long he was gonna wait.  This is getting good...

"You have no right to say that to her!"

Snape's turning to ole scarhead, "Much as you like to stick your nose where it doesn't belong, Potter, this is none of your concern.  10 points for interference."

Har- Potter wants to yell out some more, I can tell.  He looks somewhat desperate.  Maybe all these years of baseless abuse from Snape has gotten to him.  Did I say baseless?  I meant...worthy, yes, worthy.  After all, he's a conceited prick, Granger's a know it all Mudblood, and Weasley's like an annoying puppet.  

~*I'm just  
Trying to bend the truth  
I can't pretend I'm who you want me to be*~

Damn, he's sitting down, I guess the shows over.  Where did I put that nail....

"What the hell did we ever do to you!?"

Guess I was wrong.  Oh so strong little Potter has finally cracked, it seems.  Snape doesn't look particularly pleased...

"Mr. Potter, take your seat and don't use that tone with a Professor.  Of course, I wouldn't expect you to know anything about respect.  You, who everyone lets run free because of a little scar.  You, with your fame and attitude.  How could I expect any son of the great James Potter to have manners?" Hmm, Snapey's voice has become a bit deadly.

Ohhh, Potter doesn't like it when you talk about his daddy.  His mouth opens...and, wait, a girl's voice?

"Stop it you heartless jerk!  Why would Harry, or any of us for that matter, respect you?  From the first day, the FIRST DAY, you decided who and what we were!  From the first day, you've done nothing but be unfair and cruel!  How are we supposed to respect a man who can use something like Harry's scar against him?  Or who makes it so that Neville is too nervous to do any potions and then punish him for it?!  Or who screams at Ron for a mistake that would've been glossed over had it been someone like Crabbe!?" her voice gets a little harsher, "Or, how about someone who is so damn bitter with their own life that they take it out on people who are screwed the moment he lays eyes on them?"

Woaaah, didn't know Her-, er,  Mudblood, had it in her.  No one else did either, by the looks on everyone's faces.  Her two little buddies are staring at her in shock.  She not only flipped out, but on a teacher.  Perfect Gryffindor Granger, who woulda thought?  Snape's expression is by far the funniest, I must admit.  His mouth is hanging open and his sallow face is becoming flushed.  Where's a camera when you need one?  I didn't know eyes could be so angry, this is gonna be good...

"50 points from each of you for disrespect for a teacher!  You, Ms. Granger, can join me for a week of detentions and from now on, keep your smart little mouth to yourself.  Contrary to your belief, you do not, in fact, know everything.  I don't have to explain myself to you and you will respect me because I am your professor.  You need no further reason than that."

I think she's gonna just sit down now quietly, the best idea, I think, considering Snape's mood... Oh, wait, she's speaking softly..

"Actually, Professor, I think I do need more reason."  Second time today Snape's speechless, I don't think he's handling it well.

Hang on, what is that girl doing?  Putting her books in her bag... Merlin's beard... she's walking out of class.  Snape... Snape's sputtering!  No one will believe us!  Wonder how her comrades are taking this... they're taking their stuff too!  They're not gonna... Yup, there they go, right out the door after her.  Stupid Three Musketeers wanna be's.

~*So I'm  
Lying my way from you  
[No/No turning back now]  
I wanna be pushed aside  
So let me go*~

They're just digging themselves in farther.  Potter and Weasley could stayed here and spared themselves.  Gryffindors.  She's kinda lucky, though, to have people who will follow her after something like that... Ah, what am I thinking?  You gotta watch out for yourself, Slytherin motto. 

~*[No/No turning back now]  
Let me take back my life  
I'd rather be all alone*~

Other people slow you down.  

~*[No turning back now]  
Anywhere on my own*~

Yeah, that was just a momentary loss of sanity.  Smart people do for themselves.  Right, good.  Smart people know where true power is.  Smart people follow the side that's gonna win.  And, can't forget, smart people listen to their fathers....

~*'Cause I can see  
[No/No turning back now]  
The very worst part of you  
Is me*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Father walked in 5 days after our "disagreement".  House elves had been bringing me water and fruit, bread, etc. after the second day.  It was ok, that was more than he let them bring last time.  He wouldn't let them tend to my injuries though, or give me any sort of pain reliever.  The cuts began to scab over, only to rip open when I had to move to eat.  At least there's a bathroom attached to my room...even if it was hell getting to it.  Sometimes I crawled.  Me, a Malfoy, crawling across the floor.  Half of me wondered if I would die from the pain, the other half wished for it.  

I decided I would apologize and agree with whatever he said.

~*I remember what they taught to me  
Remember condescending talk  
Of who I ought to be*~

I had taken my chance, my stand, and failed.  Like I did at everything else.  Yes, it would be cowardly, yes I was one step closer to being Lucius, but I was in no condition to fight.  There'd be another opportunity... I had to believe that.

So, I would go back to being the old Draco.

~*Remember listening to all of that  
And this again  
So I pretended up a person who was fitting in*~

The Draco that spat on Granger for her blood, Weasley for his money, or lack thereof.  On all Gryffindor's for their mindless bravery.  On Dumbledor for being a muggle lover.  I would be the epitome name once again, comfortable in my wealth and superiority.  That's who everyone wanted to see, that's who they'd get...

~*And now you think this person  
Really is me and I'm  
[Trying to bend the truth]*~

I was sitting up in bed when he entered.  Quickly, I halted the instinctive glare and tried for contrite.

"Given any thought to your situation, son?"  His face twisted in a mockery of a smile.  He knew how I'd given up.  Bastard.

Don't call me son! my mind screamed.  But my mouth, the voice that mattered, spoke softly in apology, "Yes, Father.  I'm", damn I was gonna choke on it, "I'm sorry for how I acted.  It must have been the shock at such a.." disgusting, horrific, "wonderful.." insult, dishonor, "privilege". (a/n I know that sentence looks a little weird and it might be hard with the italics, but the underlined parts is Draco's 'mind's voice)

~*But the more I push  
The more I'm pulling away*~__

That sadistic grin widened.  What kind of man enjoys torturing his son?  I could've gotten someone else, had fate been more on my side.  Someone who wouldn't have destroyed my mother, someone who would be proud of me, someone who wouldn't force me to pretend all the time.  Bastard.

~*'Cause I'm  
Lying my way from you*~

When he spoke, it was laced with victory, "I'm glad you've come to that conclusion.  Although, I am sorry how it had to come about", Like hell you are! my mind shouted, "Draco, with the Dark Lord at your side, you will reach unimaginable power.  You could bring immense prestige to our name or you could destroy it", he came very close to me, "Don't screw up, boy, not again".

I swallowed my rage along with the desire to strike him and answered in what I hoped was a respectful tone, "Yes sir, I won't let you down."

~*This isn't what I wanted to be*~

He narrowed his eyes at me and spat, "Doubtful", before striding out curtly ordering that I was expected downstairs for dinner that night.

~*I never thought that what I said  
Would have you running from me  
Like this*~

Yeah, that was fun.  Getting appropriately dressed, making it down the flights of stairs and sitting straight in a stiff chair.  Sit in that stiff chair and eat some refined dish that was hard to pronounce.  Sit in that chair eating that food and watching my mother do her best not to look me in the eye.  I didn't blame her, I even was grateful.  I knew what would be there: pain, anger, self-hatred, and a million unspoken apologizes.  I didn't, don't, want them.  If she tried to intervene he'd do the same to her, maybe worse.  At least most of his anger was wasted on me.  Not when I was in school, though, no, I couldn't help her then.  I couldn't deflect the fury.  During those months, she was his subsititute.  I knew that and, because I knew it, I didn't want her apologies.  I glanced at Lucius, sitting in another stiff chair, watching us, waiting for one of us to do something wrong.  Waiting so he could have a release at our expense. 

~*The very worst part of you*~

Bastard...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Mr. Malfoy!  Malfoy!  Draco!"

What?  Oh, Snape's calling me.

"Yes Professor?"

He looks at me oddly, "Class is over, Draco."

I look around, every seat is empty.  When did that happen?  Snape's still giving me weird looks, so I hurry to gather my stuff, shooting him a smirk as I leave, "Bye, Professor."

What's next?  Who cares, it's probably with those Gryffindors again.  Honestly, why do they insist on having us together so much?  Are they secretly hoping we'll all kill each other?  Maybe that wouldn't be so bad...

I just want to get to Quidditch practice.  I don't care if my father did buy me the spot, I'm good at it and I've proven that.  To hear him tell it, I'm such a worthless player it was a wonder they let me on even with the new brooms.  Always letting that "Potter brat" beat me.  Oh yes, he explained it all, I had the bruises to prove it.  So did my mother for bearing such a "sad excuse for a man".  

~*The very worst part of you*~__

I put on my smirk and prepare my next set of SuperPotter/Ragitty Weasley/DirtyBlood Granger insults as I open the door to my next class. 

Bastard.

~*Is me*~__

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

A/N I know a already said sorry of OCC- ness, but I'd like to add one in for Hermione's outburst.  I know she's not the type, but remember when she slapped Draco?  I firmly believe she has a very big temper, it just takes a lot to bring out.  So, just assume this is a very tense time for everyone and that's what caused it, thanx :)


	3. Shades of Gray

A/N Wow... I never thought I'd get such nice reviews, thank you all so much! Ok, this is gonna be a weird chapter because I kinda know where I'm going with this, but can't quite get there yet and I'm trying to figure out what I want to happen first.  In any case, I'm sorry if it seems a bit off.  Ok, then, this is back to the third person narration but is still sort of in Draco's mind.  And no flashback this time (they'll be coming back though, in all their saddening glory, lol).  At least I don't have to worry about italics this time, it was driving me crazy.  Again "*~" is for the song lyrics.  "~~~~'" are scene separators.  And I just realized I spelt Dumbledore wrong in the last chapter, I could of sworn I fixed that.  There is also a line missing that I remember putting in.  Stupid computer... Oops, I'm rambling, ok, just the replies to reviews first, then the story... Oh wait, I lied, one more thing, I'm really bad when it comes to choosing ratings so does everyone think the PG thing is working fine?  Or should I change it to PG-13 for the abuse and language that might keep popping up?  Does it even matter?  As I said, I'm really bad at it, so it's up to you guys..... ok, now the replies...eek, there I go messing up again, two more things: This is set to Somewhere In Between by Lifehouse.  And a disclaimer just to make sure: No, I don't own any of these people and, sadly, I never will.  All I have is my dreams of Draco and you stupid lawyers are making me depressed by forcing me to say this, so on with the replies (really this time)...

Darcel: Unless my muse changes her mind at the last second, this is going in the "redeemed" Draco category.  Hardly the road less traveled, I know, lol, but I really wanted to do a "nice" Draco story.  I am slowly working on an "evil" Draco one though :)

MysticalWoodElf: You're too kind :) Hope this chapter lives up to expectations...

Cinnamon: Yay, I'm glad I'm not the only one to see that side to Hermione, kinda thought I was crazy for a moment :)  I read your story and, as my review states, it is amazing!!! I'm updating, so I want you to too! :) Offering to hex me if I stop is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about my stories and I'd like to take this opportunity to extend the threat to you for Struggle (go read it now everyone if you haven't).

Angelika: Like I said with Cinnamon, I'm glad others agree with my take on Hermione's character, it's nice to hear I'm not totally psycho :) Thank you sooo much for saying I do the portrayals well, I was kind of worried.  As for Hr/D romance... you read my mind.  I LOVE stories where they are together and I'm hoping this will work out in that direction.  This chapter, actually, involves some Hr/D interaction as they discuss the scene in Snape's classroom.  That's why I was a little concerned about this chapter, I didn't want it to seem rushed.  But, the way I figure it, when Hermione, Ron and Harry talk about it, it's all "Yeah, Snape sucks" and etc... I think having Draco in the conversation could offer a new viewpoint and liven it up.  At least, that's what I'm hoping will happen :)

Totaloser: Thank you very much for your kind review.  As you've probably read, it will become Hermione/Draco, so I hope you like it :)

Ms. Padfoot: I have a sorta, kinda, milky, bit of a view where it's heading.  Basically it's gonna be Draco rebelling against his father and trying to stay alive, maybe ending in the defeat of Voldemort?  With some Hr/D mixed in b/c I love that couple.  At first, it was supposed to just be the one chapter but I got a couple nice reviews asking to continue and since I was happy people liked it and had an idea, I kept going.  Now, I just hope I can make the thoughts come out right.  Anyway, regarding the final direction, it all depends on what the voices in my head say :)

~*I can't meet   
Losing sleep over this*~

     Draco didn't see "Granger" at all for the rest of the day.  With her absent from the classes, participation was at a definite low.  Her little buddies where there, though, scowls never leaving their faces.  Not even when Goyle caught a misfired charm and spun around a moment before saying softly, "I'm a pretty boy" and passing out.  Draco figured they were angry that their third member wasn't firmly attached to their hips, as per usual.  More than likely, she was with Dumbledore, begging him to save her from evil Professor Snape.  Potter still had the sharpness in his eyes that had appeared when Snape mentioned his father and Weasley looked ready to do something that would land him in Azkaban.  Draco shook his head, redheads.  

~*No I can't   
And now I cannot stop pacing*~

     Potions class had never, since the first day as Granger said, been pleasant for the Gryffindors, and especially unbearable for that particular trio.  Draco admitted to himself, it was rather nice seeing the "golden" house getting taken down a few notches every class.  Also, the anxiety-induced explosions were always fun.  Sneaky little thoughts had been slithering their way into Draco's mind lately, however.  Such as the fact that Snape shouldn't be so hard on Longbottom.  The Slytherin knew what had happened to the boy's parents, heard his father's sickening laughter over it.  Now the poor kid had to live with his demonic grandmother and everyday have the knowledge that his own parents didn't know him.  While that would come as a blessing to Draco at this point, he couldn't imagine that Longbottom liked it very much.  Another thought was Snape's continuing ridicule of James Potter.  The guy was dead, for heaven's sake, and couldn't even defend himself.  And there's Potter, sitting there with the scar from his parent's murderer and having the professor reminding him all the time of what he had lost.  Then there was Granger.  Snape never, ever called on her, even if hers was the only arm waving.  Draco wondering why she didn't just give up and thought it must be out of pure stubbornness.  He couldn't help remembering that time last year (?) when her teeth had become enlarged and Snape cruelly said he saw no difference.  That was just a little beyond necessary.  Why couldn't the Potions master just be a little nicer....

~*Give me a few hours   
I'll have this all sorted out*~

"Oh my god", Draco muttered to himself as he realized what he had just thought.  He proceeded to curse himself as it occurred to him that since potions the three friends had dominated his mind.

~*If my mind would just stop racing*~

He couldn't remember his last few classes, excepting the Goyle incident, as the whole time he'd been wondering what the trio was doing, how they were dealing with Hermione's outburst.  That, he could rationalize, after all, maybe they would get some horrible detentions that would amuse him.  But what followed, lamenting Snape's treatment of them and Neville, that was too much.  What would Harry and Ron do had they known their least favorite peer had been secretly analyzing them throughout the afternoon?  They'd probably react worse than he himself did.

~*Cause I cannot stand still   
I can't be this unsturdy   
This cannot be happening*~

     An extra harsh word escaped when he saw that he had referred to each of them in the first person.  He tried to drill the correct labels into his head: Granger, not Hermoine; Longbottom, not Neville; Potter, definitely not Harry; Weasley, not Ron.  They were mere Gryffindors that he needed to step over.  First names gave them identities, made them people and that was not acceptable.

~*This is over my head   
But underneath my feet*~

Draco propped himself up against a cold stone wall and lightly hit his head against it in an effort to concentrate.  Change was harder to accomplish than he had thought.  Before it had been easy, black and white, he was "evil", no good lurked anywhere in the son of Lucius Malfoy.  Or so everyone, including Draco, had believed.

~*Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat   
And everything will be back to the way that it was*~

     Now, though, Draco needed a new place to stand.  He didn't want to kill people, didn't want to torture, didn't want to be a deatheater.  He established that.

~*I wish that it was just that easy*~

     But, what comes then?

~*Cause I'm waiting for tonight   
Been waiting for tomorrow*~

     He also didn't want to go running into the Wonderful World of Harry Potter and become Mr. Kind and Considerate.  

~*I'm somewhere in between   
What is real   
Just a dream*~

     He had his own dark side, nothing drastic or harmful, but it was part of him and he wished to keep it.  So he had to find some sort of gray area.  Somewhere between his father and Potter.  Somewhere with enough space to breathe.  He hit his head again softly on the wall, this wasn't going to be easy...

~*What is real   
Just a dream   
What is real   
Just a dream*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

     With his annoying, newly discovered conscience running amuck, Draco needed something to engulf himself in.  He remembered an extra long potions essay due in a couple of days and decided to focus on it, so he headed towards the library.  It wasn't just being Lucius Malfoy's son that got him the grades he did, the boy happened to be very intelligent.  He knew that everyone thought everything of his came from the fear of his father, but ignored it.  Draco Malfoy didn't need acceptance from anyone. 

~*Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in   
Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again*~

"_Wouldn't be too sure of that_ ", muttered a voice in the back of his head. 

This caused the blonde boy to once again stop and lean against the wall, "Shut up", he growled to himself, then shook his head.  Great, he was talking to himself again.

_"Not like you have anyone else to talk to"_, said the same voice, a bit louder.  

~*I don't want to run away from this   
I know that I just don't need this*~

     He opened his mouth, ready to argue with himself again, when he realized the stupid little voice was entirely correct.  Who'd he have?  Talking to his father got him scars, his mother had lost her voice long ago, and none of his minions counted as confidants.  Professor Snape came to mind.  Sometimes, Draco caught him watching with a concerned air.  Maybe he knew...?  

~*Cause I cannot stand still   
I can't be this unsturdy   
This cannot be happening*~

     But Snape was a deatheater as well, confiding in him would be no better than his father.  He knew this, and yet... something nagged at Draco.  The fact that his head of house had always been very kind to him.  It was as if Snape wanted Draco to tell him something.  He shook his head again, he was obviously over analyzing things in an effort to have a... a what?  A friend?

~*Cause I'm waiting for tonight   
Been waiting for tomorrow   
And I'm somewhere in between*~

_"Told you so_", taunted the voice.

The Slytherin was too engrossed in the thought too answer himself.  Was that what he wanted?  

~*What is real   
Just a dream*~

     Vowing to further explore the possibilities of Snape as an ally later, the teenager filed away his musings.  Straightening up, he continued on his way to the library.  During that time, the neutral mask reclaimed his face.  The Draco Malfoy that entered the library had become, once again, the ice king that everyone knew and...

_"And nothing more_", drawled the voice, sounding suspiciously more like his own.

~*What is real   
Just a dream   
What is real   
Just a dream   
What is real just a dream*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

A/N: Ok, yes, I realize there was no Hermione in that chapter.  There was supposed to be, but... I don't know, this is how the chapter came out.  She will definitely be in the next one, though.  Also, I was wondering, how would you guys feel about Draco turning to self-mutilation?  I'm not sure because I don't know if I want to keep his self-abuse mental or let it leak into the physical as well.  Either way, I have ideas where to go, so it's really up to you.  If it goes to mutilation, he won't be cutting himself, if that influences your decision at all.  I was leaning towards having him burn himself and play on the whole dragon and fire thing.  Anyway, I'm rambling again, so it's up to you guys so review away :)


	4. Noone Runs Forever

A/N Sorry, this was supposed to be out sooner, but I had to go and get sick (ugh), so progress was delayed.  But, it's finally here :) Ok, no mutilation since those who didn't want it were firmly against it and those that thought it would be ok said they didn't mind either way, so I'm just not gonna put it in.  Either way, it didn't matter to me but I figured I'd see what you guys thought.  There will continue to be mental abuse, though, I'll leave the physical for Lucius to take care of.  And, I upped it to PG-13 because you know what they say, better safe than sorry and all that...  Now, this is the chapter with Hermione in it, I promise this time.  Also, explanations of Draco's "training" are coming up, soon if not in this chapter.  I'm also thinking of doing a chapter focusing on Lucius' thoughts and another one on Narcissa's.  Well, what will come, will come.  Again "~~~~' " are scene separators and " ~* " indicate song lyrics.  I told you flashbacks would return and they have, indicated by "~~~~~" not to be confused with the scene separators.  Sorry if it's confusing, but Microsoft is out to get me.  The lyrics in this one are from "The Best Is Yet To Come" by SR-71.  I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter and I hope this one is good as well.... Replies and then the story....

Blacksnow: Thank you very much!  It feels so nice for people to actually like this, being my own worst critic and all.  I'm glad you like that part, because I didn't want to turn Draco pure white or anything.  I adore his dark side and, as long as it's not hurting anyone, feel it's a valuable part of his character.  Thank you again :)

Ms. Padfoot: Thank you for reviewing!  As I said, I have ideas for either path, so it made a little difference to me what people decided.  I understand what you mean, too, about the characters.  I've read some mutilation stories and like them (Such as Struggle), but I do admit it's nice to have characters that are apart from those things.  Anyway, I'm glad you like how this is going, I love hearing what people think :)

Autore Kozoma: Thank you for reviewing! Well, I won't be using the self-abuse, physical anyway, but I love Draco with dragons also.  Thank you for you opinion, maybe I'll eventually do a fic that does involve the burning since it's kind of on my mind, but it won't be this on.  I laughed after I read over and understood the "drag on" comment, I like your English teacher, lol :)

Cinnamon: Thank you for reviewing! How could I not?  I really liked it and mentioned it here since it dealt with the same things my story does :)  I'm very happy you updated and hope you do again soon.  Perfect?  You're way too kind, but thank you very much.  I like when Draco turns nice but I also love his darker side so much that there's no way I could have erased it completely from him.  Ah, yes, patience is a virtue.. one I don't have either :) I like Hermione's character a lot, if you ever think she (or anyone, and this goes for all reviewers) is way OOC, please tell me. Much as I adore Draco, I thought it was great when she slapped him, absolutely perfect.  I mentioned before about not doing the mutation but, as I told Autore, I may do another one with it, even if it's just a chapter just to get it out of my head.  I think cutting in stories is fine, it's just that burning stuck to me for some reason.  Your welcome about your story, but it was really nothing.  It's a great story and I hope you update quickly :)

Darcel: Thank you for reviewing! There will be no mutilation, not in this story anyway :)  I'm glad you liked the chapter and hope this one proves just as pleasing :)

~*You see yourself being so small  
Running into every brick wall*~

No one would believe them if they told anyone, most would believe they were crazy.  But the fourth year group of Ravenclaws talking in the library knew what they saw, and they saw Draco Malfoy walk right into a bookcase.  It really didn't make sense to them, though.  People who walk into things are people who aren't paying attention, who are daydreaming and letting their mind wander.  But Draco was always in control, he didn't space out, didn't randomly stare at walls.  His eyes were always straight ahead, ready to meet anything.  Unfortunately, this time what they met was hard wood, up close and personal.  

The cluster of Ravenclaws, made up of both males and females, looked at each other for a moment in shocked silence.  All tried to bite down the threatening smiles, but it really was a losing battle.  The first spurt of laughter escaped from somewhere in their circle and, after that, there was no holding it back.  Not even the deadly glares from Madam Pince could quell it.  After all, how many times did one get a chance to see the great Malfoy being clumsy?

~*It's not as far as you can go  
The road is twisting turning*~

Draco stepped back from the bookcase, a bit confused.  Did he just walk into it?  Impossible.... wasn't it?  He would have noticed... wouldn't he?

_"You were too busy contemplating how alone you are"_ chimed in the voice with a harsh laugh.

Damn, that bothersome noise was right.  He hadn't been paying any mind at all to where he was going, was lucky he'd even ended up at the library.  

"Can you believe it?" the phrase was choked out between giggles from a Ravenclaw named Krissy.

That got Draco's attention and he became aware that their amusement was at his expense.  "Just ignore it, walk further in, where you can be alone", he instructed himself softly.

~*A life is living learning*~

_"You're just going to let them laugh at you?  Pathetic"_, now it sounded very much like his father.

Just as the Slytherin was about to tell his head to go to hell, he caught another snippet  from the group's conversation.

This time, it was a boy named Jake, "Too bad Harry, Ron and Hermione aren't here, can you imagine how much they'd love this?"

That did it.  Draco spun around and graced them with the most Malfoy look he could muster, which turned out to be quite the frightening sight.  The laughter halted immediately and, after a few garbled attempts at some sort of comment, they fled.  "Imbeciles", he mumbled, looking around for somewhere to hide.. er... work.

_"Much better"._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

~*There's so much more for you to know*~

Apparently, banging his head wasn't enough for Draco to remember to take in his surroundings better.  As he searched for an isolated area, his thoughts wandered once again.  He really had to get a hold of himself, this just wasn't who he was.

_"And who exactly are you?"_

Draco ground his teeth in response.

_"That's what I thought"._

"Well, I don't have to worry about Father dearest killing me, I'll do it myself", he managed not to speak out loud this time, but kept the comment in his head.  What was he to do?  Usually when people bothered him, he used his intimidation skills to scar the offender for life.  It worked on everyone, with the exception of the 'three Musketeers'.  However, now it was his own mind that was driving him crazy, how could he fight himself?  What kind of person let such things control them?  "Maybe Father's right and I am uselessly weak", he thought darkly.

_"Oh, are we going to sulk now?  Have we forgotten we aren't five anymore?"_

"Even when I was 5 years old, I wasn't five and I'm damn well not being it now". 

~*If you could lock the past away  
Step back through the doorway*~

Wonderful, absolutely brilliant, now he was have debates with the voice that lived in his head.  "I'm crazier than Harry".

_"You called him Harry"_, it called out in a singsong.

~*This ride has just begun  
If I could change your point of view  
Is there someway I can show you*~

"Did not!" he contradicted in his head, knowing full well he had and furious over it.

_"Did too!"_

"Did not!"

_"Did too!"_

"Did not!" 

Suddenly, everyone was staring at him again and Madame Pince's face was turning red.  Draco realized he must have yelled the last one out loud.  The whole library had seen him walk into a bookshelf and then argue with himself.  It was disgraceful, Malfoy's were not laughed at.  It was a direct quote from his father, said after Hermione had slapped him their third year and everyone had thought it hysterical.  Everyone but Lucius, that is.  Not even bothering with a spell that time, he'd used his bare hands to show how displeased he was.  Draco's left eye had swollen shut, one of the multitude of leftovers from the punishment.  

~*The best is yet to come*~

_"There now, don't cry about it"_, sarcasm dripped from the sharp words.

Draco's startlingly blue eyes turned icier than they ever had before, making him look even more like his dear old dad.  He stared out, seeing nothing but his own thoughts, and a first year Hufflepuff in his line of vision literally ran out in terror.  "There now, don't cry about it"...the phrase kept repeating itself, in the same disgusted tone.  Unwillingly, Draco was sucked back to a few weeks before his Hogwarts letter came...

~~~~~~~_Lucius was being particularly bad tempered lately, due to the fact that Draco's letter hadn't come yet.  He knew his son wasn't a squib.  Besides the fact that he was a Malfoy and part of one of the oldest pure blood families around, Lucius had, quite illegally, been teaching his son a few things and letting him use his father's wand.  There was also the fact of the accidental magic that kept popping up, especially when Draco was angry.  So, it was not that he worried his only son was not magic, but that Dumbledore might have found a reason to deny Draco.  The annoying old bat had always been rather suspicious of Lucius and may try to keep his son out.  The head of the Malfoy family was generally not so paranoid, but there had been rumors that Voldemort was finding a way to rise again and this worried him.  He wasn't entirely sure if he wanted his old Lord to return.  After all, Lucius had escaped Azkaban while many of the Dark Lord's followers had gone there willingly.  How would Voldemort react to the man's betrayal?  _

~*Not every problem can be  
Solved so easily*~__

_And thus it came to be that Lucius Malfoy was in a very bad mood.  This did not bode well for his wife or son.  Fortunately, said son was outside that day when the post came as his parents sat in front of the fire place.  Unfortunately, he also managed to come in just as his father picked it up, but managed to hide in the doorway to judge the atmosphere before entering.  The wizard began to feverishly look through it, searching for a certain envelope with a Hogwarts seal.  Just like all the days before, he didn't find it.  _

~*Not every answer is the one  
Above the flood of emotion*~__

_Narcissa happened to be sitting next to him and he rounded on her, "Did you say something to Dumbledore?!"_

_His wife was very confused and answered in her quiet voice, "About what, dear?"_

_Deep red anger marred Lucius' fair face and he backhanded her, causing the woman to grab her chair in order to not fall off, "Don't lie to me!  I knew you were trying to sabotage me!  What?  Did you mention how your husband was a loyal deatheater?  Or maybe how I'd been preparing Draco?  Why else would his letter not have arrived yet?!"_

_She took a deep breath, knowing quite well that no matter what she said, it would make no difference to her husband, "I'm sure it will come soon.  There's still plenty of--"_

_Another slap cut her off, "Deceitful bitch".  This time she couldn't catch herself and fell to the floor on her side.  _

_She closed her eyes and gave a resigned sigh.  He was much stronger than her, much bigger, much more cruel.  Narcissa Malfoy was no match for her husband and never had been.  A smirk formed on his face as he raised his leg, about to deliver the blow, when..._

_"NO!" Draco shot out from in the doorway and dropped to his knees next to his mother._

~*It's all about forward motion  
Define your place in the sun*~__

_"Move, boy", Lucius ordered harshly._

_"No", he repeated, a bit more shakily this time, "Leave Mum alone."_

_Narcissa took his hand, "Draco, honey, go to your room, please."_

_"I'm not leaving you", he squeezed her hand.  Usually, his father beat his mother out of his sight.  When he did see it, he was just too frightened to do anything.  However, Draco was tired of being a coward, this was his mother!_

~*If you could lock the past away  
Step back through the doorway*~__

_"Aww,, how touching", the sub-zero voice drawled, "Finally found some spine, have you Draco?"_

_The boy forced himself to meet his father's eyes, "Leave"._

_"Do not give me orders, child", he came closer._

_"Get out of here!  Look at her!  You could kill her!"_

~*This ride has just begun  
If I could change your point of view*~__

_Lucius injected as much scorn as possible into his reply, "There now, don't cry about it.  You'll find certain people are", he flicked a glance to his wife, "expendable"._

_For a moment, Draco almost got up and left, almost ran and hid from the horrifying look on Lucius' face._

~*Is there someway I can show you*~__

_But, then he looked down at his mother, so small, so beaten down, so broken and that image pushed out his next, and admittedly foolish, words, "Do you think this makes you strong?  The fact that you're able to beat someone smaller than you, you're just a weak bully!" the snarl on the older wizard's face deepened and it really should have indicated that silence was the best option, however, "Did you ever think that maybe this is all your fault?  Mum isn't the one who became a deatheater, you are!  She's not the one that jeopardizing us, it's you and your greed!"_

_The next thing he knew, Draco was being thrown into the wall by a well placed kick by his father.  The last thing he heard before blacking out was his mother's screams.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

~*The best is yet to come*~

Narcissa didn't come down for breakfast the next morning, Draco remembered, hadn't gotten up at all that day, as a matter of fact.  After a few minutes with his father, it was easy to piece together that the woman's extra harsh treatment was due to her son's interference.  He never tried to protect his mother again after that.

Sweat began to ooze from every pore, suddenly his arms and legs seemed to be falling out of place, and his eyes had gone to a soft, palest of pale blue.  

~*Try to hide  
It's all inside*~

Head down, he hurriedly entered the first room he came too, sitting down without even looking around.  There was a painful tightening in his chest and his air supply lowered, as if his lungs were growing narrower.  The wall in front of Draco disintegrated into fuzzy, squiggly lines.  Everything was dim, then dark, almost black...

_"It's called breathing"._

~*You can find a place where the pain and guilt can fall away*~

The voice knocked him out of the panic attack and he did his best to slowly inhale, exhale, etc.  After a moment or two, the room became lighter and the wall built itself up again.  The teenager was now shaking slightly from the cold caused by air hitting the sweat, but he slowly pulled himself together.  Finally, he glanced around the room and found there was one other occupant: Granger, who was looking at him with a mixture of shock and worry.  

Of course, it just had to be her.  After cursing himself a few hundred times, Draco said the first thing that came to mind, "So, this is where you are."

The shock and worry began to recede as she saw he was okay, she decided to think about his state later and raised an eyebrow, "Looking for me?"

Damn her, "Of course not, Mudblood", he really did the haughty thing quite well, "Just figured you'd be off pleading with the Headmaster to save you from Snape."

Hermione's eyes flashed at the insult, "Unlike you, Malfoy, I actually take responsibility for my actions.  I won't be having the Headmaster, or my father", she couldn't help adding, "get me out of this."

A Lucius-like sneer came over his face, "Don't try to throw principles at me, Granger."

Her mouth dropped in sarcastic surprise, "You actually know what those are?"

~*If you're spitting truth*~

"Watch it".

Hermione told herself that she should just walk away, Malfoy wasn't worth the effort, she could be the bigger person.  Yet, it was as if the outburst in Potions had awakened something inside of her... something that didn't want to stay silent.  So, she faked intense fear and, almost in a whisper, responded, "What?  Going to sic your father on me?  Maybe some of his little deatheater friends?  Or are you one too by now?"

~*Bulletproof*~

"She does this rather well.  Can't believe you're losing a battle of wits to a Mudblood".

"Shut up", he answered his mind, then retorted to Hermione, "You should be more careful about making assumptions".

"Oh please", she rolled her eyes, "Face it, Malfoy, you are your father's son."

The "stay calm" chant in his head was blow away by her comment.  Draco jumped up, yelling, "I am not him, dammit!"

~*Crashing through the walls that separate me and you*~__

_"Oh yeah, real good job at the whole hiding emotions thing"_, the tone half bored, half sarcastic.

Again her mouth dropped, but in real surprise this time, "What's going on?" he opened his mouth but she stopped him, "Don't say it's nothing.  First I hear all sorts of shouts and laughter, then you come in here, even paler than usual, looking like you're going to faint.  Now, you're insulted at what would normally seem to you a compliment.  So, I repeat, what is going on?"

~*Now you'll find with everything you lose*~

"Why do you care, Granger?" he had resumed his arrogant stance and rose a brow much like she had earlier.

"Curiosity".

"Well, you are going to have to suffer.  Do you really think I'd share anything with such a filthy excuse for a witch as yourself?" 

~*Your path clears with everything you choose*~__

_"Your father would be so proud_".  

~*If you could lock the past away  
Step back through the doorway  
This ride has just begun*~

The comment made Draco shudder internally, "Oh god, I am becoming him".

Hermione didn't notice him stiffen... she had had enough.  Gathering up her books, her brown eyes intently gazed into his artic ones and she said softly, but firmly, "You can't shut out the world forever, Draco", before leaving the tall blonde boy there, very confused.

~*Change your point of view  
Is there someway I can show you  
The best is yet to come*~

He stared at the door, what had just happened?

Sarcastic sweetness dominated the voice's answer, _"She called you Draco"_.

~*Is there someway I can show you  
The best is yet to come*~

Ok, what do you all think?  Please review and tell me if you liked it, hated it, what was good, what was wrong and anything else.  The Hr/D thing will start out with friendship and proceed from there.  I was going to have them have a semi civil convo, but I think it's too soon, plus I love when they fight :)  It won't be easy, what with Draco's trust issues and etc, but that's where the fun is.  I'm going to try to make Snape someone that he can trust.  I don't know how well that will work out though, so we shall see... :)


	5. There It Goes

A/N Ok, I've wanted to do this chapter since I decided to keep doing this story, so I hope you all like it.  It starts out in Draco's POV, then goes to Snape's (I'll indicate the switch), then 3rd person (sorry).  The song is "Quasimodo" by Lifehouse.  Draco sneaks out to do some flying and clear his mind.  Snape comes by, there's interaction, etc... As always, thank you to all who reviewed and here are the replies and then the story...

Mic: Thank you, I'm very happy that you like it.  As for what happens from here on, I barely know myself at this point, but I hope you enjoy it :)

Ms. Padfoot: Oh, he will be broken, don't you worry, lol.  I love sweet Snape and believe it's in there..somewhere..deep..deep down lol.  As for the "Musketeers", they do seem to have the all for one and all for one quality, don't they?  Both Draco and Hermione will fight it, for many reasons, so it'll be a while until they have a "relationship".  I agree that way works best.  Thank you, I'm feeling much better, stupid sickness.  I hope I get this one out fast because I'm just as anxious to see what's going to happen :)

Darcel: Yes, poor Draco, just can't catch a break.  Now he has his own mind to contend with in addition to his father.  I'm not sure exactly how long it'll be until a civil convo, but I'm glad you agree now would be too soon, I like to be on the same page as my reviewers :)

Angelika: I'm happy everyone seems to be good with the D/Hr thing, seeing as I adore the couple and love adding that element to his story.  Draco does have many trust issues, stupid Lucius, and Hermione will have her own doubts to deal with as well.  There'll be Snape and Draco interaction in this chapter, another one of my favorite things.  I agree with your idea of their relationship, everyone else sees Draco as the spoiled rich boy, but Snape knows how Lucius acts.  LoL, the bitterness, sarcasm and evilness will be in full abundance with these two, they're some of their best characteristics :)  Thank you, I can't wait to do Lucius and Narcissa's chapters.  Lucius' might be next, I haven't decided.  And my take on why Narcissa would marry someone so cruel will be explained.  I think this chapter will go fairly quickly, so it shouldn't be too long before I update :)

Cinnamon: LoL, slapping her would certainly have been amusing, but Draco has all those "control" issues, hehe.  She was kind of witchy, wasn't she?  Ah, what years of hostility will do :)  Thank you! I'm very happy you liked it, I'm amazed, actually, that I've gotten such good feedback.  You all are too kind (yes you are, agree with the author :) )...Yes, Hermione is interesting, her natural inclination to help people will war with her dislike (hate? lol) of Draco for a while.  I hope on getting at least part of a chapter on everyone's POV, so Hermione's will he in there eventually and we'll see just what she's thinking :)  Hope this chapter lives up to expectations :)

~*You can be right   
And I'll be real*~

"Lumos!" 

There, much better, now just to get my broom... the FireboltX (a/n no clue what a new broom should be called, so just go with it).  Father said I would need every advantage possible to beat Gryffindor.  His words run through my head, "Mustn't disgrace our name, or the house of Slytherin, again Draco".  I don't remember if that was before or after he hit me... the details blur after a while.  

~*Oh, and it still won't be a pain   
That you will have to feel*~

None of that matters, though, as soon as I get out of these wretched stonewalls, I will be free.  Flying at night is the best sensation in the world.  Of course, during the school year, it involves sneaking out after curfew, but that's a minor detail.

_"Ohh, aren't you the rebel?"_

Go to hell, you're not ruining tonight for me, you idiotic, annoying nothing!

"Haha.  You just called yourself an "idiotic, annoying nothing"".

~*Cause I don't need your approval   
To find my worth*~

I massage my temples, must ignore the moron in my mind.  

~*I'm trapped inside of my own mind*~

My concentration has to be focused on slipping out without getting caught by Filch and his demonic cat.  I've done it before, but with my recent luck I'll walk right into a late night teachers' meeting.  Or Lupin, who's back teaching DADA, in full werewolf from considering it's a full moon.  Yes, I know they keep him somewhere safe and I hear Snape makes him some sort of potion that makes him 'harmless', but you never know.

~*Afraid to open my eyes cause of what I'd find and I   
Don't wanna live like this anymore*~

I creep through the corridors, Potter's cape would really come in handy now.  Damn, I hear footsteps, have to hide, but where?  A dark corner looks like my best bet, please just let it be another student walking around, even Potter.  Hmm, these dark robes are quite useful when you want to conceal yourself in the shadows.  Alright, here they come, it's... Professor Snape.  I wonder what he's doing.  As I get a closer look, maybe I don't want to know, he looks awfully angry about something.  Yet another reason to hope he doesn't look my way, Slytherin or no, you just don't mess with him when he's mad.

_"Hey, Snapey, over here!"_

Oh please, you do know you're in my head, right?

_"It was worth a shot_".

Thank god, he's moving on.  The footsteps are fading...fading more.. gone.  Time to start moving again....Finally, I make it to the Quidditch pitch.  

~*There goes my pain   
There goes my chains   
Did you see them falling*~

Night air has amazing healing powers, for me at least.  At the manor after a particularly 'rough' night, and assuming I can move, I head outside. Even if I don't fly, it's nice to feel free.  

~*Because this feeling   
There has no meaning*~

Most of the time, I don't bring any light because the darkness is part of the cure.  I can't see anything, nothing can see me.  I'm not the son of the feared Lucius Malfoy, heir to the Malfoy name and all it entails, I'm not just another one of Voldemort's slaves.  Nor am I the arrogant Slytherin that every shies away from, hated by all, feared by most.  It's the only place where there are no expectations.

_"Aw, getting sappy, are we?"_

Screw you.  I kick off and, suddenly, not even the enemy in my head can get to me.  

~*There goes the world   
Off of my shoulders*~

The cold air whips my hair around, tearing it from its rigidity.  I hate keeping it back like that, but Malfoys must have a certain appearance.  It's either slick it back or let it go long like Father's, and there's no way in hell I'm going to look anymore like him than I already do.  

I spin, loop, just generally go crazy in the air.  It's so easy to become uninhibited when you feel weightless, when you're soaring through an unlimited expanse of air.  The full moon gives some light, but it's cloudy tonight... even better.

~*There goes the world   
Off of my back   
There it goes*~

Father would be horrified, I think with a smirk, his only son acting so undignified.  

~*Does it scare you that I can   
Be something different than you*~

He never sees me when I do this at the manor.  I'm sure there've been times he's heard me leave, or noticed I'm gone, but he never checks.  As long as I'm not out there dishonoring him, he really couldn't care less where I am.  

~*Would it make you feel   
More comfortable if I wasn't*~

Damn him...I do a exceptionally dangerous stunt, almost daring myself to die, just to see his reaction.  I can see it now... Dumbledore tells him.  Lucius puts on a perfectly practiced look of grief while one track thoughts run through his head: "Damn the boy, he did this just to mess things up.  Could never do one thing right, what will I tell my Lord?  Being childless would've been better than him" and the like.  

~*Well you can't control me   
And you can't take away from me who I am*~

It would serve him right if I did die, Voldemort would probably take it out on him.  Torture, Merlin knows the bastard deserves it, maybe even killing him in the end.  The idea continues to form in my mind.  

~*There goes my pain   
There goes my chains   
Did you see them falling*~

Would it really matter if I crashed?  Never woke up?  

~*Because this feeling   
There has no meaning   
There goes the world   
Off of my shoulders*~

Mother would be upset, but probably a bit thankful that her asshole of a husband couldn't get to me anymore.  One thing though, if I left, Lucius' anger would all be on her.  Ah, but not if Voldemort kills him, which will more than likely happen.  Is there anyone else who would mind?  I search and search but fail to come up with names.  

~*There goes the world   
Off of my back*~

Dumbledore would care simply because I was a person who died, not to mention a student of his, but it's not like I'm his Golden Boy, Potter.  Professor Snape.  His name pops up... maybe?  No, if he did it would merely be because I was in Slytherin and he's the Head of House.  Pansy would cry her beady little eyes out because, without me, she'd have to find another way into the royalty of the dark side.  Anyone else?

~*You can't change me   
You can't break me*~

"You really are utterly worthless, Draco", I speak aloud to myself as I glide along.  I'm not sure if there's anyone, with the exception of Lucius and Voldemort, with such a short list as mine of people who give a damn about them.  Even Filch has Mrs. Norris, who adores him beyond belief.  One person (or animal) like that is worth all of Voldemort's followers.

"Here comes the sentimental foolishness again.  Really, boy, get a hold of yourself".

I ignore that comment.  This moment is too important to let the voice intrude.  I feel a whole new kind of liberation... I could end it.  

~*There goes the world   
Off of my shoulders*~

It would screw over Lucius, be a slap in the face to Voldemort, and drive Pansy crazy...and I would get free of these chains.  It has no bad aspects, the perfect plan.

Now, how to achieve it?  I would really like to get it over with, I'm eager to finally escape.  I suppose a dive from way up would be a good choice.  Even if I don't die right away, it'll be a long time until anyone finds me and I could bleed to death in the meantime.  Yes, the dive will work quite well...

~*There goes the world   
Off of my back*~

~~~Snape's POV (starts when he's walking in the corridor)~~~  

~*Have you ever felt   
Like your only comfort was your cage*~

I'm much too restless tonight.  I should be getting some sleep, I have that insufferable Longbottom's class first thing tomorrow.  My face twists into a snarl as I recall the disaster that was the last one.  The nerve of that girl!  Talking to me like that, typical Griffindor, thinking they can get away with anything.  She has no right to tell me how to treat my students, how dare she judge me!

_"You judge them all the time"_, a voice somewhere in my head says softly.

~*You're not alone   
I've felt the same as you*~

Without thinking about the fact that I am answering myself, I whisper aloud, "It's different with them, they're spoiled little brats.  I know their kind exactly.  They, however, haven't lived my life".

_"And I suppose you've lived theirs?"_

This time, I realize it is my own mind, and keep my response in my head, "I don't need to, everything is obvious by their conduct".

_"Severus, if you yourself can't let go, how will you help someone else do it?"_ it asks gently, in a voice oddly like Albus'.

~*Have you ever felt like your secrets give you away*~

What the hell?  Am I going crazy?  Who exactly do I have to help?  I keep trying, but that voice doesn't come back.  Magnificent, Sev, you're talking to yourself.  You need sleep.  Go To Bed.  It's no use, I've never been good at taking orders from anyone, including myself it seems.  I can't pinpoint it, but something pushes me on this walk.

~*You're not alone   
I've been there too*~

I quicken my pace down the corridor.  Something flashes at the corner of my eye in a corner but I disregard it.  Usually, I would go right up, hoping it's a student, deducting points relaxes me.  But, for some reason, I cannot stop.  I shake my head.  First, I talk to myself, now I don't even have control over my own limbs.

~*Cause everyone is looking   
Everyone is laughing*~

I've been walking for a bit now, no closer to finding anything than before.  I start for outside, cool night air always helps.  Breathing in deeply, I slow down and bask in the night.  Thank Merlin for night.  Without it, what would I do?  Where else can a ruined man escape to?  And I am ruined.  

~*But I think everyone feels the same   
Everybody wants to feel okay*~

Albus tries to deny it, but the mark on my arm cannot be argued with.  Every time it burns, I go, I go and try to repair the damages I've caused.  He's trying to make me stop, says it's getting too dangerous, says I've done enough.  It'll never be enough.  No matter how many lives I save, they will not erase the ones I took.  Nothing will....

~*Everybody wants to   
Everybody wants to feel*~

Another flash to my side, this time I look closer.  

"Lumos".

Someone is flying around the Quidditch pitch with no light at all.  Don't they know how dangerous that is?  Probably some stupid Griffindor, proving their disgusting prideful bravery.  Maybe it's Potter.  I smirk, catching that boy at something like this is just what I need to pick up my night.

~*There goes my pain   
There goes my chains   
Did you see them falling*~

I get closer and it's.... Draco?  I watch for a few moments as he does outrageous things on his broom.  He has seemed odd lately, ever since he came back from Holiday.  No, before that, actually.  Can't really blame him, knowing Lucius as I do, but there's something else.  The boy seems to be starting to crumble.  I've never been sure why I took an interest in Draco.  Mostly, I think it's because of how close his father and I were before Lucius became...different.  Maybe because I know the hell that must be his home.  It's really very weird, he stirs fatherly feelings I didn't even know I possessed.  

~*Because this feeling   
There has no meaning*~

I want so much to stop him from becoming a deatheater, to not lose another to Voldemort.  I know of the Dark Lord's decision, of course, which is why the situation is even more urgent.  It seems almost impossible to fix, Draco appears to revel the dark side as much as his father.  Still, there's something in his eyes, even more so lately, a kind of fear.  Maybe there's hope?

~*There goes the world   
Off of my shoulders*~

I glance at him again and my hands ball into fists.  While my thoughts were running around, he must have flown very high up and he is now barreling towards the earth at an alarming rate.  Calm down, Sev, he's just trying out the Wronski Feint, he wants to beat Potter.  I brighten my light and that idea flies out because of the look on his face.  There's determination, but also, a sort of deadened air... he's not going to pull up.  Dammit.  Without pausing, I put my wand to my throat and say "Sonorus", then bellow, "DRACO MALFOY, PULL UP!"

~*There goes the world   
Off of my back*~

~~~~Now there is going to be 3rd person narration, sorry for all the switching :) ~~~~~~~

Draco looked up, the roar ripping him from his concentration.  The shock in seeing Snape there, looking extremely irritated, caused him to pull up and miss the earth by very little, dangerously little.  After shakily getting to his feet, he watched in growing anxiety as the Potion's master neared him.

"What in the hell were you doing?!!?" Severus hollered, forgetting he still had the spell on his voice.

Draco took a step back, as much from the look on his professor's face as the volume of the yell.  Severus frowned, took the spell off and repeated, in a much lower tone, "What in the hell were you doing?"

~*Cause I don't want it*~

The teenager shifted a little, Snape's voice was worryingly soft and he almost wished the man was screaming again, "Just a little late night flying practice, sir."

"Don't lie to me!" the tone upped a little.

~*I don't want it*~

Draco was surprised, what exactly had his teacher seen?  He asked quietly, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you flew Merlin knows how high and then proceeded to race back down and", he resumed the dangerous quiet voice, "And you weren't going to pull up."

"O-Of course I was", did he just stutter?  Malfoys didn't stutter.

"I told you not to lie to me, Draco", Severus made his voice more gentle, "What were you doing?"

He was quite for a long time, before snapping and glaring at his professor with his flashing ice blue eyes, "No, I wasn't going to pull up, I was going to keep flying and smash to pieces on the grass.  Is that what you want to hear?", Severus started to speak but Draco continued, "You should've let me, why didn't you?  Damn you!  Everything was going to be perfect and you ruined it!  You ruined it all!"  He started to shake.

~*You can't change me*~

Severus took the boy's shoulders and gently made him sit down on the ground and then sat himself beside him, "Why should I have let you?"

"It's not like anyone would've minded", he spat bitterly, still shaking, "Father would've objected to the bad publicity, of course, but he'd be glad to get rid of me.  Not like there're any friends to miss me, Crabbe and Goyle will just find someone else to cling to.  I'm sure the Gryffindor house would throw a damn party."

~*You can't break me*~

Severus was at a loss for words, and that didn't happen often.  He'd had no idea the boy's anger was so deep.  "Damn Lucius, what've you done?" he asked in his mind.  He would deal with the wizard later, he needed a way to get through to Draco now.  Pitying him would do no good, he'd retreat in the face of sympathy or compassion, so Severus decided to rely on what he did best: sarcasm and anger.  "Really, Mr. Malfoy, I never would've expected you to be shockingly stupid", Draco glanced up in surprise, "You're not acting very Slytherin.  Ending it on this pitch would have been shamefully cowardly.  Besides, how do you know who cares for you?  It's not safe to make assumptions, I would've expected  

you to think it out better.  Not to mention, you snuck out and were flying around in the dark.  Showing some foolish Gryffindor bravery there, I'm afraid.  Next thing, you'll be best friends with Potter.  You could've died.  Yes", he said in response to the look on Draco's face, "I know that's what you were aiming for, and that makes it worse.  This is simply unacceptable.  50 points from Slytherin and a week of detention with me.  Now, come along, it's time you got back to your dormitory."  Severus stood up and began walking.

~*There goes the world   
Off of my shoulders*~

Draco stared at him in disbelief before jumping up and following.  

~*There goes the world   
Off of my back*~

He wanted to object to the points and detention, but one thing kept running through his mind: "Father never cared if I flew in the dark."

~*There it goes*~

A/N Hehe, Snape has a little voice too! Although, it's a bit different than Draco's.  Yeah, yeah, major mushiness in there, I know.  I swear, I couldn't help it, my fingers took over.  Maybe I shouldn't write while still under the influence of Tylenol and such?  Oh well, I'm 99.9% sure the next chapter will be Lucius' thoughts, so we need as much sappiness possible before confronting that :)  Hope you all didn't mind my foray into the land of sappiness too much :)  Please review  :)__


	6. A Father's Love

A/N Here it is, everyone, the dark journey into Lucius' mind.  Do you know how hard it was to find a song for this chapter?  For some reason, I just couldn't find the perfect one, so sorry if it doesn't fit in exactly right.  There won't be many lyrics because the song is short, it's "Without Light, I am" By Danzing :)  It didn't really flow as much as I wanted, maybe I'm just not evil enough for what I wanted to portray?  I think it's my shortest chapter.  Ah, in any case, hope you all enjoy and, as a warning, this is a cruel, cruel man...P.S.. We learn why Malfoy's don't stutter....

Ms. Padfoot: Thank you for reviewing! :) I'm glad you didn't mind the marshmellowness of the last chapter :)  He does indeed have his attention, so how will Sev cope?  ::evil laugh:: it should be interesting.  I'm just as surprised at the quick updates, I don't know what's with me, but they keep coming.  Because You're Mine (which everyone has read, right?) will be updated soon ::hopeful look:: right?

Cinnamon:  Ahh, as my email states, your review was amazingly kind!  Thank you soooo much!  I'm very happy no one has seemed to mind how sappy I got last chapter, you're all so nice.  I feel that way about night too, so I just put my thoughts into Draco (with the exception of the abuse and flying, of course lol).  Ah, so I'm not the only night lover?  Isn't it wonderful, the air, the freedom...rambling there, lol.  Hehe, Snape's little voice will get more annoying too, it's fun to annoy Sev.  Yup, taking points relaxes him, brewing harmful potions, terrifying first years on the first day of classes and, can't forget, jumping out of dark corners on our unsuspecting trio :)  I don't know whether to say thank you or apologize about your assignment, so I'll do both: Thank you! and I'm sorry :)  I myself have been getting very lax with my h/w because I spend my time reading fics (including yours, so it's your fault too!).  Isn't Lifehouse great?  More of their songs will probably be used, I love all the lyrics.  I'm glad the switching didn't mess you up, I didn't want to change it so much, but thought it was necessary to get the points across :)  Your chapter (and the whole story) is wonderful!  I love the Hannah aspect, she's just what Draco needs.  I'm honored you want your friend to read my story, thank you :) Not a HP fan? That must be changed :)  I know what you mean about not wanting to tell her which it is.  None of my friends write, most don't know I do, and none are nearly as into HP as I am.  I refer sometimes to this story to a friend who is a Draco fan (she read the 1st book and likes the movies) but she's never read it or anything.  This is my secret life :)  Knees do tend to hurt after constant begging, don't they?  ::sigh:: Things like that you find out the hard way, like when authors don't update quickly, lol.  Never stop ramblings!  They're fun fun fun for everyone!  "wonderful, charismatic, exceptional story"?  You're going to give me a big head :p  I will agree with you only if you agree yours is also all of the above and more :p  I know, I want to hug Draco too, much as I liked writing the last chapter, it was also really sad to do.  I've also had friends that have attempted to go that way, so I know what you mean.  I hope you liked my ideas for your chapter :)  And thank you once again for such a nice review and just wait for mine to your next chapter ::evil laugh::.  Hehe, my fave part of your review is that you sound as insane as me :)

Lady LaCroix: Thank you for reviewing!  Don't worry, Snape will be coming in abundance now that Draco (in a way) has accepted him.  There'll be rough spots, of course, but he'll be there.  Putting in the lyrics is one of my favorite things to do for this story, I'm sorry you don't like them.  I hope you still continue to read, though, and thank you for giving your opinion :)

~*I am soulless and proud*~

"Go cover that up, will you?  Don't want any", I narrow my eyes at the frail woman before me, "annoying questions, do we?"

Narcissa puts a hand to the bruise around her eye and stares at the floor, "Of course not, Lucius, I'll take care of it".  

She quickly exits the room, running from me... damn, I love that.  The power, the control, it's like a drug.  After the first taste, you thirst for more.  It's how I came to be the strong man I am today.  Starting all with Voldemort, starting with becoming a deatheater.  The best choice in my life, it has secured my future.  I am in the Dark Lord's inner circle, trusted above all others.  With one word, I can destroy someone, kill them... make them wish I would.  All their lives are a game, disposable.  

~*That I'm not like your kind*~

We need to get rid of the weak if we're going to take over like we truly want to.  That means getting rid of those worthless muggles and mudbloods.  Not to mention muggle-lovers, those worthless excuses for wizards.  A snarl forms on my face as the biggest one of all comes to mind: Dumbledore.  He is a disgrace, a crazy old man who everyone, for some reason, places their trust in.  For Merlin's sake, he lets mudbloods in, keeps that half giant as a teacher, allows that werewolf to stay, and worships the Potter brat!  

Potter.  The name leaves a sour taste in my mouth.  So many times that boy has come within inches of death, why isn't he gone yet?!  Older, stronger, wizards than him have perished in front of Voldemort, yet he still stands with but a scar!  The Lord isn't very pleased about being beaten by a child so much, either, as we deatheaters can attest to.  

I relax and take a sip of wine, permitting a smile to form, The-Boy-Who-Unfortunately-Lived's lifeline is growing shorter as we grow stronger.  Now that Voldemort's finally getting rid of that little rat, Peter, we're one step closer to our goal.  It is up to Draco now... 

My grip on the wine glass tightens as my son comes to mind.  I've been ashamed of him for as long as I can remember.  Even when he was a child, always whimpering and running to his mother.  The smile broadens as I remember, he learned quick enough.  He used to cry at all of his punishments, it was disgusting.  Men, especially Malfoy men, do not cry.  He learned that fast as well. 

~*I delight in watching you drown  
As this world drags you down*~

When was the first time I used the Cruciatus?  I search my memory... I believe it was when he was around nine.  Fury rises as I recall why I did it.  The boy was, it sickens me even now, he was playing with a _muggle_.  I came home from work and saw him there, out in the open, as if he wasn't doing something shameful.  I yearned to use my wand, but showing magic in front of the muggle wouldn't have been prudent, my Lord wasn't even back in power yet then.  So, instead, I grabbed his arm and threw him to the side, before angrily telling that dirty muggle to leave, now.  I don't believe I've ever seen anyone run as fast as that little boy.... then I turned to Draco...

~*Down  
Shine darkest star*~

~~~~~~_He looked up at me fearfully, massaging his arm, and tried to speak, "Father, I-"_

_"I don't want your excuses!" I spat, "Inside, at once!"_

_Draco raced inside and started up the stairs for his room before I called him, "Get over here, boy." _

_Reluctantly, he returned and hung his head, "Yes, Father."_

~*Snake bone chain  
Hugs your neck*~__

_I slapped him, "Look at me", he raised his head and rubbed his reddened cheek, "Just what in the hell were you doing?"_

_"I was just playing with-"_

_Another blow cut him off and I raised my voice, "With a MUGGLE!" I saw the tears then, he was trying to conceal them, but was failing horribly.  Yet another thing he couldn't do, "Are you crying, Draco?"_

~*Matters not  
Your curse awaits*~__

_"No, sir". _

_That time, the smack caused him to almost fall, "Don't lie to me!"_

"I'm sorry, sir."

"Can you even begin to imagine how worthless you are, child?", I ranted, "You should want to hex that muggle, not play with him!  Have I taught you nothing, or are you just too stupid to absorb it?!  I need an heir, Draco, not a sniveling mess!  Actions like this won't be tolerated!"

_That's when the dread in his eyes intensified, as he tried to think of what punishment he would get, I could tell.  I could tell, and I relished it.  It was his fault the Malfoy name was going to be torn to shreds, I knew he wasn't tough enough to be who he needed to be.  _

_He would never guess this punishment, however, for he had never experienced it before.  I decided he would then, in all its glory.  I pulled out my wand._

_Draco eyed it warily, "What are you going to do?"_

~*When you see me, stand aside*~__

_Very softly, I said, "Son, do you, by chance, remember those Unforgivables I told you about?"_

_He gulped and nodded._

_"Name them and their effects for me"._

_"T-the-"_

_I struck him, "Without stuttering"._

_He bit his lip, "Sorry sir.  There's the Imperious Curse, which makes the person under it do whatever the curser tells them to do.  The Avada Kadavra, that's instant death.  And the", he looked closely at me and whispered, "the Cruciatus, it inflicts extreme pain on the cursed, if prolonged, it can cause death, or insanity.  The perfect torture curse."_

_"Very good, maybe you do listen sometimes.  Now, what are the spells for them?"_

_He bit his lip harder, "Imperio, Avada Kadavra, and", he's silent a moment, "Crucio".  _

~*If I call you, pray to hide*~__

_I said the last one with him, wand pointed, and he dropped to the floor.  His limbs twisted in unnatural ways and his young face contorted in pain.  At first, he focused on breathing, but then looked at me and choked out, in a pleading voice, "Father!"_

_I didn't let it go long, he was too young and it may have killed him.  When he next glanced at me, his eyes were full of pain...and betrayal.  I laughed, what did he expect from me?  He was merely my means to an end. _

_Narcissa ran in then, "Draco!  What happened?"_

_He almost answered, but thought better and looked to me.  I gazed at him casually, "Go to your room, Draco"._

_It was amusing to see him try to get to his feet, falling a couple times in the process and dragging himself to the stairs.  When he was far enough away, I turned to my wife, "Were you aware that your son was playing with a muggle?!"_

_She begun to wring her hands, god how I love the fear, "I didn't think it would hurt anything, Lucius."_

_"Didn't think it would hurt anything?!  We are Malfoy's, one of the oldest, purest bloodlines, we do not associate with muggles!"  I put my wand away, it was more enjoyable to deal with her without spells...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

The memory makes me laugh, and I hear a house elf scuttle away in fright.  Some would call me a monster, I suppose...some have, as a matter of fact.  Something about torturing ones own son.  The spineless say it.  I never punish the boy without reason, he has no one to blame but himself.  Is it my fault he's a complete moron?  What is necessary for the advancement of the true wizards of the world must be done, that is where my loyalties lie.  Besides, he's never given me any reason to be proud and never will.  

However, he is necessary both as my heir and to Voldemort, so I have done my best to prepare him.  There have been points I had just hoped the Lord would order me to kill Draco and be done with it... He's done it before to other deatheaters, to prove their loyalty.  Hell, I'd do it in a heartbeat.  Unfortunately, that will never happen now, as He has chosen Draco.  That thought reminds me of that worthless child's response to the honor.  How dare he attempt to defy me, to defy our Lord. 

~*Can you offer your last breath*~

 "Then why didn't he choose you?" The boy's words come to mind and I almost break the glass.  It should've been me, after all I've done for Voldemort, I should be the one promoted to that spot.  Another thing that child has ruined. 

Much as I like to ignore it, the outburst worries me a bit, I can't afford anymore like them.  Draco will have to be monitored constantly, luckily we have Severus at the castle.  The boy must be dealt with harshly from now on if he is to do what is expected of him.  The training sessions should provide that, glee breaks out inside of me as I think of them.  Oh, the plans I have...

~*Smile of blood, lips of death*~

I managed to make it so that Draco will be coming to the manor every other weekend, it was the most I could get out of that interfering idiot, Dumbledore.  I think he suspects something, but can't put his finger on it.  It makes me laugh, the "great" Dumbledore has no idea his destruction is at hand.  

~*Down  
Shine darkest star*~

I have desired that for so long, have wanted to rid the world of all those he protects.  I need it like Voldemort needed Potter's blood, like he needed his own father's.  The smile returns to my face as I see a similarity between the Lord and myself: he needed his father's blood and I will use my son's...

~*Without light, I am*~

A/N I hope that didn't suck too badly.  I was really disappointed with it, I thought I was going to like writing it more.  I already have Narcissa's song picked out and I really want to do her chapter.  Would you guys mind if hers was next?  Or do you want a break between the two and have a glimpse into what Draco's doing?  If Narcissa's is next, I'll have it pick up from when Lucius orders her cover up the bruise in this chapter.  If not... I'll start it somewhere, lol.  Ok, please review :)


	7. Blood On My Hands

A/N I've decided to do Narcissa's because it's what my mind really wants to do and I'm afraid if I put it off and try writing the next chapter about Draco, it will be lacking since I won't be into it.  So, these are her thoughts (rather dark also I'm afraid, lol).  It took a bit longer than I meant it to because I changed the song I had in mind last chapter because I changed what I wanted her to think, I'm fickle like that lol.  Anyway the song is Shelter by Sarah McLachlan, I think it fits pretty well.  The last one was really quite dark, wasn't it? In case anyone couldn't tell, I really really don't like Lucius.  Sorry to any of his fans out there, but in this fic he equals the devil.  I will never write a kind word about him, it'd be like him adopting Harry and showering him with love.  Ok, I promise to do my best to get out the next chapter quickly after this so you all don't have to wait to see Draco again.  By the way, Thank you all for getting to chapter 7 here, you guys help me get out the chapters :)

Darcel: Thanx for reviewing!  LoL, I'm glad you like it, and I agree it was weird.  If you shuddered while reading it, imagine me writing it.  The whole time I was cursing Lucius, lol.

Cinnamon: Hi!!!! I just wrote you back and then saw your review, lol.  Yay, another long one ::does a happy dance::.  I think I was disappointed because when writing it, I didn't feel the flow that the other chapters did.  Maybe it's because my hatred for Lucius impairs my ability to sink too far into his little twisted mind, lol.  I'm glad you liked it, though :)  I got very sad while writing it, at one point I even thought that I was going to have to stop and try later.  I cry at Disney movies (who's idea was it for Bambi's mom to die?!) so I guess I'm a bit sensitive too, lol.  Aww, they seem real?  I have a lot to say about your story in that regard, but I'm saving it for my extra long review, so I hope you update soon! I would surely fall into depression if Struggle was no longer up, so I solemnly swear to write a very looong review :)  Sun Kitten was very correct.  And so are you, Draco's never had anyone to try to show him what's right, so how is he expected to go for it?  Punch him extra hard for me!!!  Maybe a few unforgivables... lol.  Yes, I want the world to know how much of a bastard he is ::evil laugh::  When I read the books, I didn't really like him very much, but I didn't dislike him as much as I do now.  Seeing him in the movies... the way he looked at Draco and hit Dobby, well, that did it.  Also, did you see the DVD extra scenes?  In one they go into that dark shop and Lucius has that awful cane (I hate that thing) and Draco touches some stuff and twice Lucius nearly hits him with it.  I jumped a foot.  The actor did a really good job, though.  I'll probably hate his character in any movie he's ever in from now on, lol.  You are totally right with Lucius' lack of a little voice.  There's nothing inside him, his soul is dead (yeah I really don't like him lol).  He had a son because he wanted the Malfoy line to continue and now he can't kill Draco because Voldemort wants him.  Isn't it odd that one of the people Draco hates the most is keeping him alive?  I'm glad you got your assignment done :)  And yes, it is your fault that my h/w is not being done and I'll be sure to tell my teacher.  She's cool though, so she'd probably laugh and say okay.  Hehe, I got to ask if she likes HP, that'd be great.  Omg, if McGonnagal did that, I would love her forever and ever.  I know that's what I would do if I could change into a cat.  That, and break all of Trewlawnay's crystal balls and tea cups.  LoL, Trewlawnay likes to do what you said and, also, spend many hours contemplating what horrible fate she can predict the next day, it's gets her frightfully excited.  Don't be disappointed, you scared me to death, lol :)  and Thank you for the continued compliment and just wait to see what I have to say about yours ::big grin::  I'd be honored if you used one of my ideas, but I won't be hurt or anything if you don't, I'm sure whatever you do, it'll be great :)  It is fun to find other crazies, isn't it?  Insanity is a virtue :)

"Go cover that up, will you?  Don't want any", He narrows his eyes at me, "annoying questions, do we?"

I put a hand to the bruise around my eye and stare at the floor, "Of course not, Lucius, I'll take care of it".

I fairly run from the room, not wanting to look at him any longer than necessary.  I know he will congratulate himself on making me dash out, but stopped caring so long ago.  What does it mean when my bruise pleases me because there's only one?  When the black and bluish mark means nothing since I can still walk?

~*They're crowded into the smallest spaces  
While outside, all of nature cries  
It's known to be cruel and unfair  
But there is no place to hide*~

I enter my room, not our room, mine.  My _darling_ husband's is down the hall.  We haven't shared a bed since Draco was born.  I was so happy when I learned I was pregnant.  Not only because I would finally have a child, but because I knew Lucius would leave me alone from then on.  If, of course, it was a boy.  I refused to even consider it would be a girl, not even the Fate that I know could be so cruel.  I shudder, as I always do when thinking of what Lucius would do to a daughter.  Providing, of course, he didn't kill her right away.  All he wanted was his oh so precious heir.  Now, he has him and is still dissatisfied.  There's no pleasing that man.

~*Oh, I've seen a part of people that I never really wanted to share  
Oh, I've seen a part of people that I never knew was there*~

Glancing at the mirror, I mutter the concealing charm I know so well.  The blemish disappears and my skin is pure once again.  Who is this woman staring back at me?  Tall, even called regal, yes, regal and cold.  White blonde hair styled perfectly.  So flawless... so beaten.  I hate mirrors, who wants to look at what they have become?  Especially when what they have become is a shadow, incapable of even protecting their own child.

~*Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm  
Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm*~

Draco.  I turn away from the reflection that glares back so disapproving.  My baby boy, so handsome, so strong.  The last time I saw him enters my mind.  I couldn't stay, it kills me to admit, but I couldn't!  I couldn't watch and know I couldn't save him!  I should be able to, dammit, I'm his mother.  And yet, that means nothing when Lucius is his father.  His screams, god they haunt me at night.  

~*I can't sleep - haunted by their faces  
The sadness in their eyes*~

Not just from that night, but every night his father has been upset.  When he was little, I would do my best to deflect it, jump right in front of him if I had to.  It did nothing, Lucius took care of me and then went right back to my son, hurting him even more.  Quickly, I learned I only made it worse.  Just as Draco did that day, a while before his letter came.  We can't save each other, and it stings us both.  

Then, that horrible day when he was nine.  I will never, ever forget that.  Never forget seeing my son in such agony for the first time.  Grown wizards and witches cannot handle the Cruciatus, and there was my little boy, shaking from the effects.  Lying on the floor, struggling just to breathe!  Watching him attempt to get up and fall... I yearned to run and hold him.  That, however, would only have worsened his situation.  

~*It hurts so much to see them helpless  
It makes me want to cry*~

I know that after Draco left, Lucius turned to me.  I know he put away his wand and undertook in one of his favorite past-times of punish the disobedient wife.  I know all of that because I have the scars, I saw the bruises later on.  I know it all happened, but I remember nothing.  None of his blows could penetrate the image of Draco's face in my mind.  None of my husband's insults could block the sound of his small body hitting the floor and his soft gasps of pain.

Lucius had a meeting of some sorts to go to that night.  At soon as he was safely gone, I made my way to my son's room.  It was risky, even without the monster there.  Paintings talk, house elves are intimidated, etc.  But, I had to see him, I had to... I don't know what I was going to do, I just had to go....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_When I walked in, he was lying on his back, staring at nothing.  For a moment, I was afraid he wasn't breathing.  Then, he turned and checked to see who it was.  I would have taken another beating from Lucius than see the fear in his eyes._

~*But still there is so much left unanswered  
For so many innocent lives*~

_"It's just me, Honey."_

_He looked relieved for a minute then started, "No, if he comes in and you're here-"_

_"He's not home", I said gently and sat down beside him.  I got a good look at his face, surprised he wasn't crying.  Even Lucius teared up a little once after being under the Cruciatus, although he'd deny it to his death.  But there weren't even tear tracks on Draco's pale face.  Just cuts, bruises, blood, "Oh, sweetheart", I softly moved his hair away from his face._

_Trying to be reassuring, he attempted a smile, "I'm okay Mum"._

_How far away from okay he was.  Even miles away from bad.  I was always good at reading him and could tell it wasn't just the pain from the spell, but the fact his own father had done it.  Yes, Lucius had never been loving, but up until then, there was nothing like the Unforgivable.  And I could do nothing, "I'm so sorry Draco"._

_That got him angry and he glared at me, "Don't be sorry, just don't.  He did it, not you", his voice became quieter, "And after I left the room, you were still there.  So don't say sorry."_

~*They closed the door and are letting nobody in  
And only the strong will survive*~

_I bit my lip, the last thing he needed was to see me cry.  But, a nine year old shouldn't have to deal with such things.  Shouldn't know that when his mother and father were in a room and the father was angry, the mother would have bruises the next day.  He was a child, dammit!  Only a child... "Okay, baby, do you want to talk about it?" Whenever I got the chance to comfort him, he liked to vent. Thus, I was surprised when he stiffly shook his head, "Are you sure?", I put my hand on his, "It's okay to cry with me, sweetie."_

_Then my little boy moved his hand from beneath mine and his eyes turned so hard, so cold, looked so much like Lucius' I almost backed away and unemotionally stated, "Malfoys don't cry"...._~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~*Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm  
Give them shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm*~

That was when he started to drift away.  Day by day he grew better at concealing his feelings, until it seemed he had none.  Eventually, he wouldn't let me comfort him at all.  Malfoys didn't need soothing.  That day during the holidays, some life came back.  But, after the show being punished so harshly, will he let it show again?  I pray he'll find it in him not to become who his father wants.  I believe he can do it, he's not Lucius.  Sometimes, when the screams haunt me, I wish he had been what Lucius wanted, just so he wouldn't suffer so much.  Except, I have the aching feeling that no matter how "perfect" Draco was, it would never be enough.  Not for that demon.... 

~*I've seen the anger and I've seen all the dreams*~

The demon that I unleashed upon him.  No matter how many times he insists, I know this is all my fault.  I deserve every single punch, kick, slap that comes my way.  Not for the reasons that Lucius has, but because I let my little boy be destroyed.  

~*And I've watched their existence torn apart at the seams*~

I would take it all if it would protect Draco, but it doesn't.  The devil must control everyone.  Every Unforgivable would be placed upon him, if I could.  But, for that I need a wand... something he took away from me.  He keeps it hidden through spells, giving it to me when I must appear in public with stern warnings to return it right away.  He keeps such a close watch, I cannot sneak anything in.  Damn him to heaven, not to hell.  He resides over that, but heaven, with happiness and sun... he would truly be tortured.  

~*And though I may seem helpless  
I will do all that I can do*~

If only I had never married this brute in the first place.  The only good thing that came out of it was Draco and I would never give him up.  But, if he wasn't born, he wouldn't have endured all he's had to.  If only I'd had a choice.  Choices aren't something I've had a lot of in my life.  Growing up, my father, though not Lucius, was far from angelic.  I recognize the look on my mother's face on me now.  He was more discreet about it though.  I didn't realize it until I graduated Hogwarts...or didn't let myself until then.  Very rarely did he lay a hand on me.  No, to do that would be acknowledging that I existed.  One of his biggest upsets with my mother was that she never bore him a male heir.  I was all she managed to carry, not being a strong woman.  So, instead, all he got was a worthless daughter.  I see Draco striving as I did, trying to become noticed and appreciated.  I excelled at school, best behavior, did everything so bloody perfectly.  But, none of that made me a boy, so it was all for naught.  In my fifth year, however, he discovered a purpose for me.  I believe his words were, "Finally, girl, you'll be of use".  He had discovered that, by marrying me off, he could make powerful connections.  It was arranged I would marry Lucius.  At first, I didn't really care, was just so thrilled that my father finally saw me.  From watching him in school, I knew Lucius was cruel, but didn't think about it...  didn't want to.  

~*I've seen a part of people that I never really wanted to share*~

Finally, after we graduated, we were wed.  That day, and night, have been locked into a dark place in my mind.  Memories like that are meant to disintegrate.  He showed his colors the first full day we were married.  Voldemort was in his peak then and Lucius was busy with that, so we put off the honeymoon.  I never got one.  Anyway, he was gloating about some muggles that had been tortured by the Dark Lord.  I was occupied trying to ignore the soreness and absently said, "Those poor people", not thinking at all.  The next second, I was sprawled on the floor and he was towering above me, curtly listing all the horrible things about muggles.  That night he came home from a meeting and I guess Voldemort had been upset and punished some of the deatheaters, my husband included.  Somehow, I was to blame.  The next day was the first time I used the concealing charm.  And so life went on...

~*Oh, I've seen a part of people that I never knew was there*~

I should have gotten away, though Merlin knows how.  He has so many "friends", in so many places.  Thinking now, I should have gone to Dumbledore, or Hogwarts period.  The thing is, at first, I didn't think much of it.  After what I grew up with, it just didn't seem so weird.  At least he wasn't ignoring me.  Insane, I know, but it was how I rationalized it all.  Then, when Draco was born, I thought it would get much better, Lucius would have his heir.  If anything, the beatings became worse.  Still, it didn't matter, I suppose it could be said I'd grown used to it?  In any case, I was so thrilled to be a mother, the rest kind of faded away.  It was just me...

~*Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm  
Give them shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm*~

Until the first time he hurt Draco.  I don't remember how young he was, just his tears and Lucius' sneer.  I should have ran then, gone to Dumbledore, or just Hogwarts period.  With so many deatheaters around, no where else was safe.  Even with their Lord gone by that time, they by no means were kind, and Lucius had a good deal of control over them.  I was so scared and am so weak.  I just kept hoping it would get better.  My stupidity cuts like a knife.  Now, especially with Voldemort's new plans, if I tried to take Draco away, he would be in so much danger.  Soon, not even Hogwarts will be safe and I don't want him to be like that poor Harry child.  Yet, if I keep him here, danger still looms.  So helpless, I have no way of protecting him.  Because of me, he's stuck in this hell no matter which way he goes.  No matter what he says, I know where the blame lies.  My son's blood is on my hands....

~*Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm  
Give them shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm*~

A/N Woah, that was hard to write.  Not hard writers block wise, because it flowed tons better than Lucius', but because of the content.  I got teary eyed a couple times.  I'm horribly sensitive.  Poor Narcissa.  Poor Draco.  ::sigh::  Anyway, the next chapter will have Snape (yay) and Draco (double yay)! :)  I think Snape will have a bit of a breakdown with our favorite Headmaster.  Then, I'm going to try to inject some humor, because, really, the past few chapters have been unbelievably angsty.  I know this is an angst fic, but all fics need a bit of amusement, sorta like the chapter when Draco is laughing at Ron.  Hmm, I don't know when the trio is going to play a big part again, we'll see how it goes.  Hope you liked this :) Please review :)


	8. Heart of a Deatheater

A/N Ok, we're back to the main people ::cheer::.  Thank god, those dark chapters were really getting me down.  Now, Snape has his breakdown, Dumbledore is informed, I don't know, this chapter isn't as thought out as the others were.  Hope it turns out ok.  It starts off the day after the incident with Draco, beginning in Snape's POV in the morning.  The song is "Wasted" by Stabbing Westward and it'll only be in Snape's parts because it doesn't apply to Dumbledore at all.  However, I think it's the perfect song for Snape :)

Ms. Padfoot: Thank you!! Oh, I am so with you, think they make oversized, extra hard bludger bats made especially for twisted bastards?  Eventually, Lucius will be dealt with and damn, I'm gonna love writing that.  Expect much suffering on his part.  I'm not sure when it'll be, though, probably not till the end.  Btw, I made a typo in my reply email, I meant to thank you for the review for chapter 6, not 7.  Major occurrence, right?  I'm just anal retentive sometimes, sorry lol.  

Sapphire Wolf:  Thank you very much!  This chapter is basically a bunch of character's thoughts, I hope you like it :)

Cinnamon: lol, hi!! Thanks for reviewing!  Haha, I know, my replies do seem to be getting longer and longer.. I told you I talk too much! :)  I'm very happy you liked it.  I agree that Narcissa's thoughts were important and, eventually, she'll play a bigger role.  I felt so bad for her while writing it, she's so trapped and blames herself for it all.  I wouldn't have survived it either, she's much stronger than me.  I'd eventually just wither away, but she has to be strong for Draco, the only light in her life :) To be truthful, before I started this, I liked angst but it wasn't my fave or anything... now, after getting into it, I love it!  Haha, I don't know what's up with all the fast updates, but I've been typing for hours everyday.  This one will probably take longer since I'd been thinking about the others for a while.  Our stories do have a lot of similarities, which makes it even better, because they show two different ways a character can go :) Your chapter is soooo good!!!! Poor Draco, stupid Lucius.  ::shiver:: that extra scene in the movie convinced me that Lucius really is a monster.  Draco looked extra hott in it though.. :sigh:  My poor broken dragon.  Disney movies are cruel, stupid animal haters, killing them all off, lol.  Oh god, I'll be crying in the first 10 minutes of the 4th movie, knowing what's going to eventually happen.. I believe I'll be a mess, lol.  'Tsk 'Tsk, your teacher should allow all essays to be HP related :p Hehe, you know what's even more funny?  The teacher I had in mind is a math teacher and probably knows more about HP than my English teacher (who's a giant LOTR fan and rather resembles a hobbit (j/k in case this somehow comes up someday as incriminating evidence)).  Some of my teachers have feminist qualities and I'm rather outspoken too, but at my school, you have to be.  There's an unnatural abundance of sexist guys there for some odd reason.  I think I might take Divination for a little bit just to annoy her, oh the pranks that could be played  ::evil grin::  I like McGonnagal, I just meant I'd love her to the sky if she did something like that, lol :) "wonderful chappie"?  ::head swells:: lol, thanks.  Yes, go now and write another chapter, I'm going into withdrawal!

Mic:  Thank you!!  Lucius' mind is an odd place, isn't it?  Quite frightening, but never boring, lol.  I'm glad you liked Narcissa's chapter as well.  It was weird to write, going so deep into a life like that.  I feel very bad for her and Draco too and I'm the author, lol.  Lucius is scum, but I can just see his perfect torture: being in a green meadow full of flowers, angels everywhere, and everyone being kind and dun dun dun... he'd be a muggle!!!! :)

Angelika:  Thank you for reviewing!  Aww, you're so nice, I'm very happy you liked them.  They were extremely gloomy, weren't they?  It wasn't easy to write.  Ah, yes, another hater of Lucius!  He truly is lower than dirt.  Handsome?  I don't see it.  Even if he was Brad Pitt..ugh, I want him to disappear.  That thing about your friend and Osama is scary.  I never understood girls who love men despite how evil they are.  I suppose that's where most abusive relationships come from?  Lucius is incapable of being redeemed, in my mind, so just expect eventual pain for him... lots and lots of it.  All of his money and "pure blood" won't save him then ::evil grin:: oh, that's going to be so great!  ::Shudder:: I can't imagine loving Lucius so cannot understand what your friends are thinking.  Killing would be too good for him, I agree, and an especially dark side of this author will be shown in the chapter where Lucius gets his.  I'm not very familiar with Tolkien, but if you think that's what he deserves, I'm sure he'd suffer very much, so I heartily agree :)  Please don't be sorry, I love all reviews and really did enjoy yours.  How could a review not be dark after such chapters?  Luckily, this one will be lighter to give me (and you guys) some time to regroup :)

~~~~Snape's POV~~~~

It's time for me to get up, get dressed, go eat breakfast and teach that annoying 6th year class.  Draco's class.

I haven't slept at all yet, not sure if I've blinked either.  If I close them, I'll see him barreling towards the earth, see what would've happen if I'd come a moment later.  Damn it all, why did I have to find him?  Why not Minerva? Dumbledore?  Anyone in the world but me.  The boy needs someone strong now, someone to keep him together while still comforting.  I can't even take care of myself.  

~*I've spent  
My life  
Running from the emptiness*~

And it will be me taking care of this.  It will be because I'm the one who saw it, I'm the one he told all those things to.  I have a responsibility to him now.  Dammit.  

~*That haunts me*~

_"Who says Draco's the only one who will benefit from this?"_

Oh, so you're back now?

_"You're not as upset about this as you think, admit it."_

Sure, can't come when I'm asking questions but are totally free to annoy me.  Figures.  I suppose Draco is the one I'm supposed help "let go"?

_"You've been hiding too long, this will be good for you.  Trust in it."_

Will you stop talking in bloody riddles, never actually answering a question!!  Hello?  Annoying buzzing in my mind?  Of course, just leave me confused again, heaven forbid I actually know what's going on in my own life...

I stop myself as I realize I am ranting to myself about myself.  I'm losing it... hell, it's lost.  I need to talk to Albus, he must be made aware of the situation, anyway.

I hurry to his office since I have that class right after breakfast and can't talk to him then.  The breakfast table is out of the question, attempted suicide isn't exactly something one spreads all around.  Attempted suicide.  Such a simple way to explain something that changes so much.  

~*And I've felt  
My whole life*~

"Just be happy it was only attempted", I say to myself, and it's true.  It could've been much worse... but why'd it have to happen at all?  Lucius.  The name blares in my mind.  He's just not father material, his own ignored him.  If only Lucius just ignored Draco.  That would create other issues, of course, but it would have to be better than what I am now convinced Lucius does to him.  He did love learning about the Unforgivables in school.

People have called me insensitive, cruel...evil.  Maybe I am.  

~*Trying to fuck  
The loneliness away*~

But if I'm evil, what's my former friend?  I'm not even sure there's anything inside of him anymore.  At first, it was a game, join the Dark Lord, play around with muggles.  Even then, I remember, he was particularly sadistic during attacks.  But Lucius soon found how delicious power is... how much fun it is to play God.  

~*And I die  
Inside*~

I've tried asking myself why, not only why he does it, but any of them.  Voldemort's not even worth thinking about.  I did it...I did it because what else was I going to do?  I had virtually no friends, nothing interested me but potions and my father was breathing down my neck for me to make something of myself.  He was friends with deatheaters, not a very nice person, but he never joined himself.  He was too afraid, knowing how tough Voldemort was with his followers.  When I joined, he became even darker, angry that I had the 'courage' to enlist and he didn't.  Needless to say, we aren't close.  That was one of the things Lucius and I had in common.  Maybe that was his reason?  Perhaps he wanted his father, a deatheater, to sit up and take notice of him.  But would the desire to prove himself take him so far?  

These thoughts make my head ache.  Who can say why someone falls?  Only Lucius truly knows... if even him.  Well, regardless of his reasons, Draco will not follow.  I don't know how, but he won't...

"Cinnamon Stix", the gargoyle begins to turn and soon I'm staring at the door to Albus' office.  What am I going to say?  I pause in my reach for the doorknob as I consider that.  "Oh, it's nothing really, Albus, just that Draco tried to kill himself last night, have a nice morning".  Damn.

~*When I think of all the people  
I have damaged*~

~~~~~Dumbledore's POV~~~~~~~~~~

I hear footsteps outside the door, someone is thinking very hard about coming in here.  It's not a student sent up here for misbehavior, they always shuffle their feet as they hesitate.  A teacher then... but who?  

"What do you think, Faux?  Who is it?"  The phoenix does the bird equivalent of a shrug and stares at the door, as curious as I am.

Finally, I see the knob turn and the person slowly enters, "Good morning Severus", he doesn't look good, I wonder what has happened.  Why do I have a feeling it concerns a certain Slytherin?

"Hello Albus", he begins to pace.  Never was good at staying still.  I wait for him to tell me what's on his mind.  And wait some more... oh well, I needed to replace that carpet anyway.  Faux has become dizzy from watching the man go back and forth, back and forth, back and... maybe I will need to initiate this...

"Is there something you would like to tell me?"

Severus jumps, as if startled by the fact that I am here.  After a moment he nods and , thank Merlin, sits down in a chair in front of my desk.  After intently studying his hands, he finally looks up, "There was an incident last night...", his voice trails.

"Mr. Malfoy, by any chance?" I prompt.

"How-, never mind, yes it has to do with Draco", his tone has become rather strained, "On a late night walk, I discovered him flying around the pitch in the dark".  He stops, but somehow I don't think that is what he is so anxious about.  Again, I wait.  Just as I am about to make some comment, his mouth reopens, "He flew very high up in the air and proceeded to race down at an alarming rate.  At first, I thought it was just the Wronski Feint, but his face... He wasn't going to pull up, Albus."

My eyes widen slightly, although I try to conceal my alarm.  I know the boy has been going through some very tough times, especially having that maniac deatheater as a father, but I had no idea it had come to this.  I clear my throat, "What did you do?"

"I amplified my voice and yelled for him to stop, in his surprise he actually listened.  After he realized I knew what he was attempting, he told me I should've let him, that no one would give a damn anyway", Severus' voice is becoming harsher as he talks, "He said his father would only be upset because it would sully the Malfoy name and you know what?  He was right.  The boy is bloody right".  His hands are gripped tightly in his lap, knuckles white.

"Severus", I say softly, "just be glad you got to him in time".

"I tried telling myself that, but I shouldn't have found him", now the tone is deadened and his head is lowered, "Even that werewolf would be better comfort than I, you know that Albus."

"I know no such thing.  You, of all people, will be able to reach Draco the most.  You made it through, Severus and so can he", his eyes lift to meet my hard stare.  Poor Severus... Draco isn't the first to make such an effort...

~~~~Back to Snape's POV (ahh, sorry again for all the switching)~~~~~

~*And I'm tired  
I'm so tired*~

Why is he so sure I'm the person for this?  Isn't the fact I tried to end my life also show how incapable I truly am?  He found me then, that was when I became a spy.....

~~~~~~~~~~~_I had always enjoyed potions, was the best in my class.  I could brew things the teacher had trouble with.  It was the only time I felt strong, felt that I could do things right.  Combined with my knowledge of the dark arts, my skills enabled me to make the mixture that would kill me.  _

~*And there's no one else  
Except myself to blame  
My life's been wasted  
Everything is gone*~

_I became a deatheater in my fifth year.  Suddenly, it didn't matter that those blasted Marauders tortured me, or that my father was a cold prick; I had the Dark Lord on my side.  Merlin, I was arrogant, became haughtier than ever.  I had power over people's lives... it was amazing._

_However, as time went by, and more blood spilled, the glamour of it all wore off.  Little by little I stopped seeing myself as the brave and cunning deatheater.  Instead, I saw the truth, I was a ruthless coward, murdering in the dark of the night.  I started hearing the screams of the victims in my sleep, seeing their faces in my mind, mouths open in a cry.  The haze of being favored by Voldemort receded, replaced by the knowledge that I had ended and destroyed lives.  _

~*My life's been wasted  
And I am all alone  
My life's been wasted  
There is no one else*~

_The last straw happened in my 7th year.  Voldemort had sent us to a muggle home for some "fun".  There was a man, his wife, and their little girl.  She could've only been six.  I hung back a little, rationalizing that as long as I didn't do anything, none of it was my fault.  They didn't scream like the others, spent most of the time trying to calm their daughter.  We laughed at them.  _

~*My life's been wasted  
It's time I face myself*~

_One of us, he's dead now, put the Cruciatus on both parents.  I tried to turn away, but my eyes remained locked on the two people writhing on the floor, biting their lips, not wanted to shriek, not wanting to scare their child.  Of course, the cries came eventually, they always do.  The little girl, she began to sob and pushed herself up against the wall.  Lucius grabbed her and forced her to look at her mother and father as blood poured from them.  Even now, I remember every word he said..._

_"Don't look away, watch, child.  Isn't it too bad you can't save mummy and daddy?  They were trying to protect you, maybe if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't do this to them"._

_The bastard actually said this to a six-year-old kid, I had to grip my wand tightly to restrain from using it on him. _

~*I've spent  
My life  
Trapped inside  
A cycle of self destruction*~

_At his words, she began to cry harder and shouted, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" until, finally, they didn't move anymore.  Lucius set her down and I saw the evil pleasure in his eyes, he was about to do the same to her.  She was so little, so undeserving.  _

~*And I've spent  
My whole life  
Trying to numb*~

_I don't quite know what overtook me, but I conjured a bright light in the distance and hollered, "Aurors!" before secretly setting the surrounding area on fire.  Everything went chaotic, long robed creatures running everywhere.  Lucius ran too, for all his bravery he had no intention of going to Azkaban, and forgot about the child.  In the confusion, I grabbed her and apparated away to a muggle orphanage.  When we got there, she looked at me, very lost and whispered, "I didn't mean to kill them".  _

~*The pain inside my soul  
And furious*~

_As much for her own sanity as the need to protect wizard concealment, I cast a memory charm on her.  I knocked loudly on the door and, when I heard sounds of someone coming, disappeared._

_When I reported back that night, I lied that I'd merely gotten jostled around in the excitement and casually mentioned that I thought I'd seen the little girl fall into the fire.  No one really cared very much about the family since it'd been for amusement purposes, so no questions were asked._

~*I cry  
When I realized  
I fought this war with no one*~

_"I didn't mean to kill them", the soft apology haunted me that night when I snuck back into Hogwarts.  I hadn't put the curse on her parents, but I didn't stop it either.  I was part of the reason she was an orphan, to blame for her observing their deaths.  It was then I realized just how much of a monster I was.  Monsters don't deserve to live, so I took out a vial of the poison I'd idly made one dark day. _

~*I'm tired  
I'm so fucking tired*~

_ I went to the girl's bathroom no one ventures into because of some annoying ghost.  For a long time, I just stared at my reflection, trying to see any sort of person at all there.  Half of me wished I really was a vampire as everyone said so I wouldn't have to deal with seeing my worthless self.  After long moments of seeing nothing, I grabbed the vial.  Just at that moment, Dumbledore walked in..._~~~~~~~~

~*Gotta find a way  
To keep myself alive*~

...To this day, I'm not sure how he knew.  In any case, I told him everything, fully expecting to be carted off to Azkaban.  Instead, the headmaster offered me a chance to redeem myself: become a spy.  I knew, and know, that it can't change what I did, but it's better than nothing.

But I'm not Albus.  I don't have twinkling eyes and a kind voice.  I'm not generous and understanding... I don't have the power to fix a spirit as broken as Draco's.

~*When I reach the end  
Will anything I've done  
Mean anything?*~

_"Just because you don't believe in yourself, that doesn't mean it's not there_".

Great, you again, exactly what I need.  Go away, I've enough problems right now.  The memory of my last year at Hogwarts does nothing to help my ever-growing state of anxiety.  I feel weaker and more vulnerable  than I have in so long.  Damn Drano, damn Locus for causing it, damn me for not being sound enough for this.  Something that feels suspiciously like tears form in my eyes, impossible, I don't cry.  They don't seem to know that, though.  Albus' endlessly dancing eyes lock onto mine and I bleakly ask, "What am I supposed to do?"

~*Will anything I've done mean anything?*~

A/N Damn, this took forever.  Major writers block moment.  Ah, well, I hoped you all like it.  I think it was okay.  I meant to get to more, but I think this is a good place to stop at.  I know I promised more Draco this chapter (sorry!) but he'll be in the next one, really this time :)  Also, at the moment, I don't really remember the details of Sev's deatheater experience, or if it was even ever explained.  In any case, I'm modifying it to fit my purposes, so I hope no one minds :)


	9. More Alike Than They Think

A/N I know, I know, I'm doing horrible with updates lately, I don't know what's wrong!!  It up be that up to the Narcissa chapter, I had a milky plan of what I wanted to do.. now I'm writing it as I go.  Hopefully I'll gain some focus soon and hurry it up.  Anyway, this picks up right after the last line in the last chapter and starts in Sevvy's POV.  I swear there's Draco in this chapter.. eventually lol.  This is pretty short, but I wanted to get it out and the next one will involve the detention and more Draco/ Hermione interaction!! Expect extreme sarcasm and yelling ;p  Oh yes, the song for this chapter is "Silence Again" by Endor....

Ms. Padfoot: Thank you for reviewing :) First of all, just another chapter today and it is sooo good!!  My review raves on about that, lol.  To be honest, I despised Snape before I started reading fanfic.  Since then, however, I have come to quite adore him.  It is lots of fun to peel away the layers and find the human inside :)  Hehe, thanks and I know this wasn't very soon but an update is here!! :)

Mic: Thank you for reviewing :)  I'm glad you liked the foray into Dumbledore and Sev's minds.  I always wondered what Dumbledore's was like, I hope I protrayed it well.  Yes, dear Sevvy does have a rough time of things, hopefully working with Draco will help that.

Darcel: Thank you for reviewing :)  As of right now, no, Sev doesn't keep in touch with the girl.  I used her as a catalyst for his suicide attempt and am unsure right now whether I want her to play any kind of bigger part.  Maybe at the end, for closure purposes, he can find out what happened to her, but it probably won't be anymore than that.

Morloth: Thank you for reviewing :)  Yes, it is pretty sad, isn't it? :)

Cinnamon: Omg, you should've seen my face when I realized you'd reposted that whole review.  I swear you are the review queen!!!  ::sigh:: Voldie's always out to get us, isn't he?  If it's not the smileys, it's your computer.  Even longer reviews?  Oh my, is that possible?  Heck, even if it isn't, I'd love to watch you try :-D  I see your voice is buggin you, mine are off to visit it so sorry if they annoy you too, lol.  Bossy lil voice you have :p lol, but I suppose that's better then having 3 arguing at once.. oh the headaches... :)  I'm very happy you liked the Trista story (not posted yet, for anyone else who's wondering what the hell we're talking about lol) and don't worry about the reply right now, much as I adore reading them, you need sleep!!  You know you're not going to get much tomorrow night :p  I should probably get to the story, huh? :)

I've decided to stick in another disclaimer since it's been awhile:  Attention to everyone!  I do not, I repeat, do not own any of these characters.  I am but a poor, hopeless fan who dreams of Draco.  Don't you all feel sorry for me?  Enough to give me him?  No?.. hmph, just go and read the damn story then... ::pout::.... :p

~~~Snape's POV (for now anyway, lol)~~~

~*Losing yourself  
To all the shame  
You're not to blame*~

"To begin with, you can start to believe in yourself more", Albus smiles kindly at me.

~*The writings on the wall  
But you didn't lose it all*~

He's always been the one person I could turn to, the only one who truly knows who I am.  So why doesn't he understand how stained I am?  What is there in me to believe in?  I once again hear the young girl's screams and burst out, "I'm a bloody murderer Albus!  I killed people, tortured them, stood by as others did the same!  I belong in hell!" My voice gets quieter, "That's all I believe in".

~*Distance grows with every breath we take*~

"Severus, you cannot continue to let your past control your future.  You aren't like them, you got out.  And think of all the danger you have placed yourself in as a spy, think of all those lives you saved", he truly looks like he thinks that's true.

~*Silent thoughts  
On the horizon  
Midnight falls  
Between the lines*~

"None of them will bring the dead back to life", I mutter bitterly.

~*Making amends  
Along the way for every day*~

"No, they won't", he agrees, "But neither will sitting here torturing yourself about it.  You have to be strong and help Draco release his anger, maybe then you can release your own".

Hmph, I wonder if he's been talking to that voice in my head.  They're sounding very similar.

_"Yes, smart man that Dumbledore"_

Hey, I can only deal with one of you at a time, okay?  For all Albus' arguements, I'm still no closer to having a clue what I'm to do next.

~*The question still remains  
Was it worth the price you paid?*~

He takes notice of this, "Draco needs someone and you are the perfect person to fit that right now.  You two have a lot in common and you know his father well, so you can have extra insight into his mind.  It cannot be anyone else, they will all try to save him with sweetness and love... can you imagine how the boy would react to that?  Not helping Draco will only make you feel worse".

I know he's right, dammit he's always right, but.."What if I break him even more?"  That is my biggest fear, maybe I'll just make him run for a knife quicker.  

~*Distance grows with every breath we take*~

"That is highly unlikely.  From what you've told me, he can only go up from here.  You two need eachother, Severus, something in you knows that".

_"Yup, right here!!  I know it, I'm in him!"_

"Go to hell", I unconciously say it aloud and Albus looks at me in surprise, "Not you".  He looks around the room, sees no one else and looks back at me.  "You don't want to know", I grumble, "Hell, I wish I didn't know."  The older man just nods although I'm sure he thinks I've gone off the deep end.

~*Silent thoughts  
On the horizon*~

"I have complete faith in you.  Draco is going to need this even more considering what Lucius recently requested", my head shoots up in alarm and he continues, "Every other weekend, Draco will be going home".

My mouth drops, "What?  No!  Lucius will use that time to train him, oh my god, can you imagine what he's going to do to the boy?!  Voldemort's going to take part too, he might not make it through the first session!" I am pacing again.

"Give him more credit", Albus says gently, "And I couldn't exactly tell him no because I knew he would be training his son to join Voldemort.  He would've become suspicious if I argued too much.  Besides, I expect many things will 'randomly' come up that will lessen the amount he goes.  As for the times he has to... even more reason for you to be around".

~*Midnight falls  
Between the lines*~

Fine, I'll attempt to save the bloody child, but if it all blows up, it's on Albus' head.  I exhale loudly, "Very well, he has detention with me for a week, that should provide time to talk.  Then after that, I'll figure something out", I remember something, "Drat, that Granger girl has detention too."

Albus grins, "Good, it would help him to become involved with people other than Slytherins, no offense meant of course."

My face twists into a grimace, "I understand... but Gryffindors?"  I feel like I may be sick.

He laughs, "Just a thought.  Don't worry, I have a feeling Mr. Malfoy would fight something like that till the end anyway."

"Merlin, I hope so", I mutter before we walk down to breakfast.

~~~Draco's POV~~~

~*Alters burn away the reason  
Ashes fall between the lies*~

I poke once again at my breakfast, eating doesn't really seem like a fun activity right now.  If it hadn't been for Professor Snape, I wouldn't even have that problem right now.  Damn him.  The only reason he stopped me is because he is a deatheater and wants me to be alive to help Voldemort.  That's all, I drill into my head, nothing more.  

~*Is this what it's worth?*~

_"Are you truly that dense boy?  Or blind?  The man was terrified"._

Yeah, that his lord would be disappointed.  I'm merely a tool to him, just like Lucius.  

~*Is this what you hoped for?*~

_"Lucius wouldn't have stopped you", _it says quietly.

I stab my food extra hard because the voice is right.  My father would've stood there silently and watched my descent, secretly pleased I was getting out of his way.  He wouldn't even turn away, the man likes the pain of others too much.  I don't suppose many people know what it feels like to know your father wants you dead.  Gee, aren't I unique.

~*Standing on the edge  
Spilling over*~

_"Whining about it will hardly help"._

I really don't give a damn.  I shouldn't even be here now, shouldn't be anywhere.  So close, I was so freaking close to escaping and he had to ruin it!  It wasn't being done for only selfish reasons.  If I'm gone, then I can't help Voldemort rise again.  Of course, he'll find someone else but that person will have to be trained too and it will take a while for him to find someone he trusts.  By keeping me alive, everyone's damning the future of the wizarding (and muggle) world.  I will have so much blood dripping from my hands.

~*(Somewhere in between, somewhere far)  
(Never looking back. Is this what you thought would last?)*~

_"Luckily for you, there's no such thing as hopeless"._

~*Silence*~

Of course there is!  Lucius is hopeless, Voldemort is too, and... and me.  Someday I will be that monster that poses on my father, I know it, and I don't want to live that long.  Snape won't always be around.

~*You stood so far away from silence...  
Again*~

A/N: Told you it was short!!  Hope you all enjoyed and, god willing, the next chapter won't take so long.  ::yawn:: it's 11:00 right now and I really should be sleeping or, at least, doing the pounds of homework that I ignored but I decided I'd rather finish this off :)


	10. Granger and Malfoy

A/N ::hangs head in shame:: I swear Voldie went off and stole my muse!  That's the only explanation for my horrible updating progress.  Ah, well even if it wasn't quicker, this is longer.  And guess what?  We get into Hermione's mind! ::cheer::  I hope you all agree with how I write her.  I warn you, my Hermione may be a bit..umm, 'bitchier' lol, than in the books.  This is because anyone who deals with Draco needs to be able to hold their own and I really think she can.  As I said when apologizing for the outburst chapter, I think it's somewhere in her and there have been a few times in the books when she shows that.  Also, a warning: POV switching, I find I quite like it :) Ah, it was so hard to find a song for this chapter!! I wanted to scream!  But finally decided on "Unwell" by Matchbox 20.  Sorry if it doesn't really fit in right.  Okay, you all probably want to get to the chapter now... :) (but replies first!!)

Ms. Padfoot: Thank you for reviewing!!  Excellent job on BYM, by the way, just wanted to say that before anything else.  I hope you like this lengthier (is that a word?) chapter.  I find it amazing when people like my story so thank you very much for your kind words.  I'm always worried about portraying the characters wrong, it's a great relief to hear people agree with me.  I'm not sure Rowling feels the same either, but we all know the truth, right? :)  Now that Hermione is being involved more, I'm hoping the ideas will flow again.  Eventually I'll get to a training session and I already have thoughts for it, even if they make me shudder.  Anyway, enjoy and thank you again :)

Mic: Thank you for reviewing! :D  You have no idea how happy it makes me that you like the songs, putting them in is one of my favorite parts :)

Cinnamon: Hi!!  How dare you mention Alice!!!  I'm gonna have nightmares now.. that stupid rabbit's going to be chasing me with a clown and the only place to run will be a room where Lucius is torturing Draco and there's nothing I can do and I'll have to watch and ahhh, see what you've done? lol, my imagination's too big.  Yes, my voices do say that to me a lot, annoying little brats.  Eek, if they ran the world, I think it'd be worse than a Star Wars one ::shiver:: the horror.  Ah, not Draco, he must never know about the bunny ears!!  My wonderful stories?  Hehe, not sure about the wonderful part ;p  Like I said, take your time, with exams coming my stories should fall to the bottom of the priority list (no matter how very anxious I am to read the replies lol).  I believe Draco could never be bad too, but my muse thinks otherwise :(  Hehe, now you know The Secret, you must tell me the rest yours!! Please!!!  What if I die?  Then I can't write my stories anymore :-\  What do you mean, just you?  You are a very important person, lol, through both emails and reviews :p  lol, years?  Hell, if I'd known that I never would've told you :p  I have the next couple of chapters of the EVIL story and future chapters for another one, the Trista story is taking a little longer, I have to decide what I want you to do.  lol, yes it is fun, I'm sure most think we're pyscho...well, we are aren't we?  I want a yellow arm band! lol... I think everyone (especially our dear Draco) would be a lot happier if Lucius just needed an arm band.  Imagine him in yellow, muahaha.  I agree, Draco should definitely be Sevvy's instead of Lucius.  They can be a happy family and Lucius can go have hot knives poked in him... oohh, I volunteer to do it!! hehe.  No need to apologize, sappiness was what I was going for lol.  Albus' voice is probably awesome, I wanna meet it!  Probably better than ours ::glares in mirror cuz, ya know, the voices are in me:: yeah, way too much sugar for Meg today lol.  You're sane?  Really?  How?  Does that mean I am too? :p  Yup, I'm afriad Dray can go home, will be going actually in future chapters.  I know, Albus isn't being the most clear eyed, is he? Just like when he put Harry with the Dursley's.  Maybe he sees something no one else can, maybe the sessions will do something...besides make me sob as I write them, lol.  Don't worry, I know you're talking to Dumbledore :)  In fact, although this might make me seem even crazier, I was saying things along those lines to him as I wrote it ;)  Oh yes, the Marauder Girls will triumph! :-D  Just how often do they look at you like that?  I'm guessing pretty often :p lol.   ::dreamy sigh:: yes, Draco is unique in exactly the right way.  It must be tough to know your own father doesn't care... I wanna make him feel better!!  I don't know how he's going to live, haven't figured that out yet, lol, but I know that Sevvy dear will help.  If he can do it, so can Draco :)  Lucius must be destroyed!! yay!  Yeah, I know, really short chapter, but this one is longer :)  okay, so it took forever but...umm...but... there's Hermione!  That makes up for it, right? ::innocent look::  I'm glad you found meaning the chapter, I wasn't too sure if I made it full enough to actually be worth something.  Sev and Draco bond more in this chapter  ::cheer::  Thank you for saying I'm brillant (even if I'm not sure lol).  This story is pretty depressing...so is yours!!  Must I mention The Position?? .... lol, I consider that review an epic tale considering the amount of story you had you work with.  I bow down before the Review Goddess :p  long review ::happy dance::  isn't it fun to be "in the know"?  Just like how I feel with Struggle, lol, it makes me feel special :)  Speaking of which, I'm going into withdrawral here for your next chapter!! :p  Wow, look at the length of this reply... I really do talk too much :)  Read you soon (literally because I'm going to answer your email when I'm done with this) :)

Darcel: Thank you for reviewing!! :)  Glad you liked the last chapter, this one was fun to write (no matter how long it took lol), hope you like it :)

Katja: Thank you for reviewing!! Yay, a new reader :)  Your review was so kind, thank you sooo much!  It's hard to believe someone could like my story so much (damn self doubt lol) so reviews like yours are like candy to me :)  I love Draco fics too (obviously hehe), the slash ones do seem to be becoming more numerous.  I can't really read them, nothing against that sort of thing, but I guess I just can't get into them.  Anyway, thank you again very much and I hope you like this next chapter (sorry it took so long :) ).

~~Hermoine's POV~~

~*All day staring at the ceiling  
Making friends with shadows on my wall*~

"Isn't it time for your detention with Snape?"

I glare at Ron who's issued the reminder before glancing at the clock to see he's right.  Great.

"Hey, I just don't want you in more trouble with him", he gets a look of bliss, "I still can't believe you told him off like that."

~*All night hearing voices telling me  
That I should get some sleep*~

Of course he can't, after all, I'm perfect Hermione.  Perfect people never explode.  I shake my head at the thoughts, when did I get so bitter?  No, I'm not bitter, just... a little tired of the image, I suppose.  I watch as Harry sneaks up behind Ron with some exploding snap... oh well, someone has to keep these two in line.

I laugh at them wrestling on the carpet as I pass by, "See you later guys, do try not to kill each other".  A few grunts are my answer while they come dangerously close to knocking over a small table.  Boys.

~*Because tomorrow might be good for something*~

Hmm, I wonder what Snape will have me do for detention... clean out cauldrons?  Organize potions?  Maybe he'll just stand there and yell the whole time.  This time I'll stay quiet, I'm not dumb.  In fact, I'm not very sure why I blew up in the first place.  It just made me so angry that he could say all those horrible things and we just had to take it.  The words flew out before I even realized what I was doing.  When it sunk in that I'd called the most hated teacher a "heartless jerk", I thought I would hyperventilate.  I didn't say sorry, though, just kept going....and going... right out the door.

And my friends followed.  They didn't have to, probably shouldn't have, but it meant so much that they did.  It's suprising Snape didn't try to get them too.. I suspect Dumbledore had something to do with that.  I did talk to him, but not to get out of anything like Malfoy thought.  

Malfoy... Draco.  The Prince of Slytherin.  He didn't look like a prince yesterday when he practically fell into the room.  He seemed... human.  Odd.  It was over quickly, though, I could practically see him rebuilding his walls.  And to think I was actually worried about him at first.  Hah, as if he is worth it.  

~*Hold on  
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown*~

Then why does his tortured face still reside in my mind?  Why can't I forget how he looked during the attack?  I never thought a Malfoy could look so broken.  What had caused that?  I heard through people laughing later on that some 4th years had apparently watched him walk into a bookcase.  Then, he evidently screamed at himself.  That would explain the noises I'd heard right before he came in.  But, would a couple embarrasing moments cause him to collapse?

~*And I don't know why*~

His reaction to being compared to Lucius was the most confusing at all.  The Malfoy I know should've done the "I never show feelings" equivilant of jumping for joy.  Instead, it was as if I had told him he and Harry were secretly brothers.  And, somehow, his insults didn't ring as true as usual.  They seemed to be more of a defensive measure.  Nonetheless, they pissed me off and I gave up trying to get through to that idiot.  

~*But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know right now you can't tell*~

Draco.  I called him Draco.  How did that happen?  One moment I'm planning a sizzeling retort and the next I'm issuing a soft statement, not to Malfoy... but to Draco.  

~*But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see*~

"Dammit", I swear softly as I reach Snape's room.  Why is it still annoying me?!  First my explosion, then Dra- Malfoy's, and now me actually worryng about him!  Life is getting even weirder than usual....

~*A different side of me*~

~~Draco's POV~~

I made sure to get to my detention ahead of time.  Considering his mood when he gave it, I didn't think it would be prudent to push Snape much further.  So now I'm sitting on a stool in silence as we wait.  For what, I have not a clue, but he's staring at the door as if expecting someone else.  Who could it be....

~*I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
I know right now you don't care*~

Shit.  "A week of detention with me", Snape's angry yell runs through my mind.  No, merlin no, I've got to be wrong.  There's no way I can be sharing detention with...

~*But soon enough you're gonna think of me*~

"Granger", I mutter her name as she walks in.  At least she looks just as surprised...and disgusted.

~*And how I used to be...me*~

~~Hermione again~~

You've got to be freaking kidding me.  The object of my thoughts stares at me in shock and horror...mostly horror.  I'm sure I mirror the expression.  What the hell is Snape's favorite doing here?  The man's quicker to give points to him for breaking rules, never mind actually punishing him.  Yet another question.  Damn me for being so curious.

~*I'm talking to myself in public*~

"Malfoy", my vocal chords finally regain strength, "I assume you'll be leaving now?" Please, please, please...

"Afraid not", Draco looks like he's sinking into dispair.  Good.

"How long?" The question is just above a whisper.

"One week", he replies grimly, nodding as I shake my head at him.

~*Dodging glances on the train*~

Wonderful, bloody fantastic.  Not only will I be stuck with my least favorite professor, but also the boy who's tortured my friends and I since 1st year.  I have a sudden urge to curl up and rock back and forth but that'll have to wait until I'm back in my room.  Hopefully, Lavender will be asleep and not notice.

"If you two are done, maybe we could actually get to the detention.  That is, if you don't mind too much".

Severus Snape: sarcasm king.  I'm sure his parents are so proud.  Absentmindedly I wonder why they didn't just drown him at birth... as I realize what I'm thinking, I can feel my eyes widen.  What is wrong with me?  This is not a good mood to be facing these two in, who knows what I'll say?  Unreasonably, instead of hoping to control my mouth, I somewhat anticipate a chance to tell the Dragon and his keeper off.  Merlin help me...

~~3rd person (last one for this chapter, I promise!!)~~

Severus, not for the first time, wondered if he should separate the two.  Their actions so far did not bode well and he didn't want his classroom ruined.  "You better be right, Albus", he warned in his mind before speaking to them again, "You will wash the empty potions flasks, be careful, and, when you're done, start on the cauldrons.  Whatever you don't finish can be carried on to tomorrow along with what I assign then.  If _anything_ in here is broken, or damaged in any way, you'll both be praying for Filch, understood?"  At their nods, he left the room.  He planned on keeping Draco afterwards to discuss the past...er...events.  With a deep breath, he once again prayed that he'd still have a place to teach when he returned.

The two students continued to stare at one another after their teacher left.  Both quickly came to the decision that fate bloody well hated them.  Hermione, determinedly making her way towards the dirty containers, wondered aloud, "What would get the Slytherin Prince a week of detention?"

Draco made sure to keep the flinch internal as he recalled the reason, "None of your business, mudblood".

_"I wonder what she'd say"_ the voice questioned.  "I don't care", he answered in his mind.  _"hmph"_

~*And I know, I know they've all been talking about me*~__

Her hands tightened on the flasks at the insult but she forced her tone to stay light, "Have it your way.  Going to sit there the whole time or will his majesty actually work?"

"Glad you finally realize who's above you", but he stood up, "I'll just do the cauldrons now, it'll save time".

~*I can hear them whisper*~

With a dismissive nod, Hermione turned her attention completely on cleaning, resolutely trying to pretend the boy wasn't there.  Unfortunately, it seemed Draco was in a rather talkative mood.

"So what was that stunt about in class?" he asked.  He wasn't sure why he was pursuing conversation but rationalized it as just wanting to annoy her.

"What was yours about in the library", she shot back.

"I asked you first".

"Great, did you forget you're not five anymore?" Hermione rolled her eyes and, with her back to him, didn't see him go still.

Damn, she sounded just like that thing in his head.  _"I am most certainly not a 'thing'"_, it protested.  "Whatever it is", the Slytherin thought to himself, "Granger just mimicked it".  Another thing to annoy him.  Without thinking, he gave the same response to her as he did to the voice, "Even when I was 5 years old, I wasn't five and I'm damn well not being it now'.

~*And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me*~

The harsh answer made her turn around.  He hadn't covered the shock yet and pain was slowly being mixed in too.  While her first instinct, being Hermione, was to help, she remembered his reaction the last time she tried that.  So she instead went with mocking, "Now you sound like a 5 year old who forgot his nap".

"Granger", Draco warned, hand going near his wand.

'Granger' decided on Snape-worthy sarcasm, "Oh no, please, don't hurt me", she shook her head at him, "Don't mean to ruin your self esteem or anything Malfoy, but you don't scare me".

"I scare me", he thought to himself right away and scowled.  _"Yeah, that's healthy"_, the voice muttered.  He noticed that Hermione's anger was fading to confusion and hurried to head off any questions, "Obviously, then, your intelligence is greatly exaggerated".

"He's doing it again", the realization ran through her mind.  She had seen his little inward battle, just like in the library.  He knew she had and went on the defensive...she was sure of it.  What exactly was going on with him?  As she wondered, her anger drained.  Something wasn't right and she needed to focus her energy on finding it out rather than on fury.  Wait, "needed" to?  When did she start 'needing' to do things related to the Slytherin?  Great, more things to confuse her, the seemed to be popping up everywhere lately.  In any case, she didn't feel like fighting anymore.  

~*Out of all the hours thinking*~

"Obviously", she agreed dryly and went back to the flasks, ending the conversation.  Draco almost began to speak again but didn't want to slip up again and make the girl even more suspicious.  

~*Somehow I've lost my mind*~

So the teenagers worked in silence until a little bit before Snape would be returning.  By then, Draco was very irritated.  The voice had insisted an annoying him the entire time, saying things such as, _"She's gonna find out"_... _"Maybe you want her to, ever think of that?"_

~*But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know right now you can't tell*~__

... _"What would your father say?  You sitting here quietly with a mudblood"_... _"I wonder if Snape will tell Lucius about all this.  It's pathetic that you got caught.  Really, child, can't even kill yourself right"_  

~*But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me*~

At the last one, he reached the peak of his tolerence.  A need to lash out overcame him and his target was the person closest to him at the time.

"Did your little buddies get detention too?"  The tone was decidedly derisive.

~*I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired*~

After debating whether to ignore him or not, Hermione answered, "Not that I know of".

Having not gotten a rise out of her with that, he thickened the sarcasm, "It was really just beautiful the way they followed you out.  All for one and one for all, hmm?"

"You could say that", she resolved not to let him get to her.

~*I know right now you don't care*~

It was time to push really far, he determined, and lowered his voice, making it silky, "And just what do you have to do for them to have such loyalty?"

Hermione couldn't ignore that and had spun around and slapped the boy's face before even realizing it.  Her eyes narrowed and she spoke harshly, "A person whose daddy buys him friends shouldn't ask such questions".

~*But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be*~

Draco put a hand to his red cheek, surprised she'd hit him...again.  "Must you always bring him up?"

"Must you always be a jackass?"

He growled in frustration, "I'm never going to live through this week".

"No", she agreed with a smirk, "You're not".

Eyes glittering, he moved closer to her, about to speak when...

"Something wrong, children?"  

~*I've been talking in my sleep  
Pretty soon they'll come to get me*~

Both jumped and turned to Severus, who'd just entered the room.  He looked around, all the flasks were clean and most of the cauldrons were (them taking a longer time).  He sighed, they obviously hadn't worked together.  Also, they appeared to be about to kill each other.  The teacher  noted one side of Draco's face was unusually scarlet colored and wondered what he'd done to deserve it.  Probably would be best to separate them right away, "All right, Ms. Granger, you may leave, I'll see you tomorrow night.  Mr. Malfoy, I would like to talk with you".

~*Yeah, they're taking me away*~

Hermione levelled another glare at Draco before walking out with her head held high.  Severus raised a brow and looked to the remaining student, "Do I want to know what went on here?"

"Not likely", Draco muttered before looking to his teacher, "What do you want to talk to me about?"

_"That's a stupid question, even for you"_, the voice sighed.

~*But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know right now you can't tell*~

"I believe you know", Sev answered, "Sit down".

Draco sat with an inward moan, he really didn't feel like talking about the previous night...his failure.

The older wizard prepared himself, this wasn't going to be easy, "Could you tell me why?  In more specific terms than last night, if you please".

Even as he was resolving to brush it off, the words fell from the boy's mouth, "Why not?  All me staying alive will bring is pain.  Just by breathing, I'm spilling blood.  Would you like to live like that?" He demanded.

Severus was shook by the emotion flowing from the brutal answer.  He replied quietly, "I understand.."

"How can you?!" Draco broke in.

The professor locked his own eyes with increasingly miserable blue ones and repeated, "I understand... I just didn't use a broom".

~*But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me*~

"W-What?" He asked in shock, mentally cringing as he stuttered.

A deep breath preceeded the explanation, "There was a night in my 7th year when I decided my life was useless, when I grasped what a pathetic excuse for a person I was.  I had made a dark potion for just such an occasion and went to the deserted girl's bathroom to take it... Dumbledore stopped me just in time".

"What made you realize all that?" Draco asked softly.

~*I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
I know right now you don't care*~

Severus hesitated...how much information should he give?  If the boy found out the truth and revealed him... but, as long as Draco thought his teacher was deatheater, he'd never confide fully in him.  

~*But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be*~

That sealed the decision and he answered, praying he was making the right choice, "I was a deatheater by then.  It was a particurally rough night... there was a little girl involved", his face contorted in pain, that was all he'd say, Draco didn't need the details...not yet anyway, "When I returned to school I just couldn't cope with that I did anymore.  I was a murderer, not fit to live", he was almost whispering at this point, "When the Headmaster found me, I told him everything.  Instead of bringing me straight to Azkaban, which I deserved, he offered me the chance to, in a very small way, make up for all the harm I'd done.  That was the night I became a spy".

~*Yeah, how I used to be  
How I used to be*~

Draco's mouth dropped and he didn't even bother to try to stop it, "Spy?  You're spying?"  _"Well, duh", _the voice muttered, but he ignored it.  "What if someone found out?"

"You just did", Severus pointed out, "I'm trusting you to keep this between us.  If the truth was exposed it could be rather, ah, uncomfortable for me".

"Why do you trust me?" He didn't understand how anyone could place faith in him.

~*Well, I'm just a little unwell*~

"Because I have the feeling you aren't too thrilled with Voldemort's latest decision".

Draco paused before answering, his paranoid side coming out for a moment.  What if his father had talking Snape into this, to trap him?  If he agreed, said he really didn't want to enter the Dark Lord's service, would his father be waiting with a Crucio the next time they met?

_"He'd have that anyway_", it said airely.  Draco had to admit it was right, but that didn't solve his current problem.  Then he recalled the look of torture that had overtaken Snape's face when he mentioned the little girl...that couldn't be faked.... "I hate it", he confided.

That made Severus smile, "Good.  I'm sure your father has informed you about the weekend situation?"

"Yes", he whispered, shuddering involuntarily.

~*How I used to be*~

The shudder wiped away the smile, "I know he's not really father material, Draco..."

Draco snorted bitterly, "He's not human material".

"True", Severus nodded, "All the more reason to screw up all the plans he has", the comment puts a ghost of a smile on Draco's lips and Sev continues, "Regarding the weekends, Dumbledore has assured me some 'random' events will be happening as much as possible to prevent you going", the boy relaxed a little, "For the times you do, Lupin and I will be teaching you some ways to reduce the effects.  Also, I'll be making some potions you can take for it".

"Lupin?" That was all Draco allowed to filter through, he'd sort through the other stuff later on.

Severus wasn't too happy about that part, but Albus had insisted, "Dumbledore feels it will be a good idea, him being the Defense teacher and all.  Now, whenever you return to Hogwarts after a session, you are to come down to my chambers.  I'll have some healing potions and etc.  Besides, concealing charm or no, you'll be a sight and we don't want anyone becoming suspicious".

~*How I used to be*~

All this thought had gone into caring for him?  Draco couldn't believe it.  His mind felt very muddled, "Umm...Thank you.  May I go to my rooms now, sir?"

Severus nodded his permission and silently watched the boy leave, not sure what to say.  As he laid his tired head on his desk he wondered how Draco was dealing with it all.  Hopefully better than he himself was.

~*I'm just a little unwell*~

A/N Tada!! It's finally here!  Now, credit for the line, "He's not human material" goes to the wonderful Cinnamon.  She said it in a review and I really liked it so I decided to use it :)  Now, I'm planning on the whole next chapter being Draco's little nighttime thoughts about Sevvy being a spy, thinking about the training and etc.  If I can't make it long enough, though, someone else will show up, not sure who.  We'll see!!  Maybe some more Hermione.  Hope you all liked this (very late) chapter :D Please review! :)


	11. I Guess Not

A/N Okay, my muse changed its direction for this chapter.  Draco's thoughts will be prominent but I've stuck Hermione in the middle, I have reasons :)  It's not as long as I thought it would be, but I wanted to stop there.  Next chapter should include some of Draco's thoughts on Hemione, but I thought the Snape issue should take prescendence.  The song is "Why" by Stabbing Westward.  It doesn't really fit Hermione, so it'll just be in Draco's parts.  Umm, Draco was kinda hard to write for some reason, so sorry if he's a bit odd.  The flashbacks have returned this chapter, Draco has a childhood memory.  It's really rather dark.  Okay, hope you enjoy!!

quidditch-playa-lover: Thanks for reviewing!!  I love your name :)  Yay, I get all giddy when I see a new reviewer :)  I'm so happy you like it!!  And that I gave you some cleaning breaks, lol.  Hopefully, this chapter was worth waiting for.  Thank you again!! :-D

Ms. Padfoot: Thanks for reviewing!!  Hehe, I'm glad the quality makes up for the delay :)  I know what you mean about getting involved with the fics, one hour turns to two, to three, and etc...  It's insane (in a fun way of course)  :)  I'm sure me mentioned BYM was unnecessary because everyone has already gone and read it, right? ::stares at everyone till they nod:: Exactly ;p  Ahh, I love chapter 28!!  Sirius' prank was quite beautiful :-D  Hmm, does that mean that when I post this I'll see a new chapter to BYM too?  Hehe, I can dream :)

Katja: Thank you for reviewing!!  Aww, you're too kind, but thanks!  The character's protrayal is often my biggest worry so you have no idea how happy you make me by saying I do them well.  I'm glad I could help!! :)  I love that song and am happy it fit better than I thought :-D  Yum, I like the cherry ones :)

Jaina: Thanks for reviewing!!  Linkin Park rocks, I must agree.  The first time I heard it, Draco came immediately to my mind, it just took forever for me to actually start this fic, lol.  I see great minds think alike :)  I'm glad you like it :)  Thank you again!

Darcel:  Thanks for reviewing!! Hehe, thank you, I'm glad you didn't feel it was too delayed :)  

Melissa:  Thanks for reviewing!!  New readers are great :-D  Woah, thank you very much, that's a very nice thing to say :)  Hope you like this next chapter just as much :-D

Elena The Eccentric:  Thanks for reviewing!!  Another new reader ::happy dance::  Yes, it is pretty angsty, I'm sorry I almost made you cry (well, not very sorry because that means you got into it, but you know what I mean :)  I didn't want to make Narcissa uncaring like she's sometimes showed, I think she's tough too.  Glad you agree :)  Revenge would be very nice.  I despise Luicus, as this story shows.  I never thought about the Hitler relation, but you're right.  Oh, hell yeah, I want him to suffer too.  LoL, yes Hermione's nasty side is fun.  I'm sorry you don't like the Snape/Draco stuff.  I'm trying to stick to the books, but in order for Snape to help Draco, I had to change it a little.  Plus, deep down, I think Snape has a heart, lol, it's my own little dream :)  Thank you again for reviewing, hope you like this chapter as well :)

~~Draco's POV~~

~*I am not here   
I think I've never been here at all or ever will be*~

How am I supposed to sleep after that?  The man really should've planned that better.

_"Oh, shut up.  You're avoiding the real issues"_

What are you now, my therapist?

_"You certainly need one"_

Malfoy's don't need therapists.  Yet another thing on the list of Malfoy "don't's" list.  Malfoys don't cry.  Don't show any emotion.  Don't converse with muggles or mudbloods.  Don't go against the Dark Lord in any fashion.  Don't ever break...

~*I feel like a place   
Where no one goes anymore*~

_"Guess you're not much of a Malfoy, huh?"_

I guess not....

~~Hermione's POV~~

That arrogant, slimy, cruel bastard!  How dare he!!  He's so lucky I only slapped him!  Just because I have real friends and he doesn't...

Okay, deep breaths.  Ugh, why am I letting this get to me?  It's just Malfoy, who cares what he thinks?  Not me, that's for sure....

Dammit, now I sound like I'm trying to convince myself.  Which I'm not.  Right?  Who am I asking?  I need sleep, lots of sleep.  Tomorrow when I wake up, this all will be much clearer, I'm sure.

"Mr. Malfoy I'd like to speak with you", the line runs through my head, Snape seemed pretty upset about whatever it was, now that I think of it.  I was too angry to notice then, but he didn't make any cutting remarks at all except for the beginning, and that was to both of us.  Only something truly dreadful could make that man forget to mock "Know-it-all Granger".  I wonder what it was.  There goes that annoying curiosity again.  

I should've stayed and listened at the door.  Not the most decent thing to do, but I am trying to break the "perfect" look, correct?  Whatever could it be... Maybe it has something to do with Draco's breakdown.  Damn, called him Draco again.  I sigh as I slip beneath my covers.  I would think it impossible for me to waste so much thought on that Slytherin.

I guess not...

~~Back to Draco (And we're gonna stay there)~~

~*Why can't you see that everything's   
Why does it seem this life's broken? turned gray?*~

Father always knew I wouldn't make a true Malfoy, constantly told me.  Sometimes I think he's happy I'm such a screw-up, it gives him something to complain about....

~*I can't believe in anything sacred   
When I don't believe that I am real*~

A memory unearths itself, I thought I'd forgotten this one.  Merlin knows I've tried.  I feel my breath getting shallower, chest tighter... It was around two years before he used the Cruciatus, or any spells, as punishment.  Up until then it had always been his bare hands.  I hate those hands...

_~~~~~~~I was waiting excitedly outside for Father to come home.  Even with all he did, I longed for him to accept me, to just smile at me once.  A real smile, not the ones he got when beating me.  My mind then just didn't comprehend that it all wasn't deserved.  I suppose I saw it as pretty normal.  After all, I was a worthless, useless disappointment.  I worked so hard to change that.  It never occurred to me that maybe he was the disappointment._

~*It seems so bizarre   
But none of this matters*~

_I was running around in impatience when I fell and cut my leg on a rock.  It was pretty deep and blood began to pour out.  I tried not to cry, Father said it wasn't right, but it stung so much.  All the blood scared, regardless of the fact that he'd made much more flow before.  So one by one small tears trickled down.  My head was lowered but my shaking shoulders betrayed the soft sobs._

_Suddenly I was being pulled up by my arm and heard, "Stop sniveling you little failure"._

_I looked up to see Father, extremely angry.  I had let him down once again, "I'm sorry.."  I was cut off as he literally threw me forward, causing me to skid and get more slices._

~*Thoughts disappear, hope has died*~

_He raised his leg, about to kick, when he seemed to remember we were outside, "Go in, now".  I jumped up, my cuts protesting, and went as quickly as possible into the house.  When there, he grabbed my hair and dragged me into the living room as the house elves watched in fear and pity.  _

_"Do you like showing everyone how weak you are, child?"  A back hand sent me to ground again and it took me a moment to answer._

_"No Father"._

_Lucius didn't even reply, just roughly pulled me up and slapped me again.  Since he still held my arm, I couldn't fall and get even a second's respite from his fury.  He hit again, again, again... I lost count.  Never saying anything, just staring at me with the utmost disgust.  During it, I berated myself.  I should be better, more worthy, stronger... If I wasn't so pathetic then he wouldn't do these things.  He'd really care._

_Finally, he dropped me and used his feet.  One blow to my stomach, one to my legs, back to my stomach... like some sick pattern.  He seemed to aim for the cut I'd gotten when I fell and it was torn apart even more.  I was crying again, the tears making my vision blurry.  I screamed, begged, "Please, Father, please".  Lucius stopped and I shuddered in relief, causing shots of pain to resound.  The relief slowly turned to a sick fear when he spoke..._

_"Malfoys do not beg, Draco", I hated it when he said my name, it always meant the worse, "They do not scream or cry, they are not spineless wimps.  You are a disgrace to our name, do you know that?  Can't even take this like a man.  I need an heir, boy, not someone who will destroy all the work I've done"._

_I heard something thump and tried to see through the blood and tears... no.  The plea stayed silent, but there nonetheless.  There, although blurry, was his cane.  I can't stand it, even when it's not hurting me.  It may be an inanimate object, but evil seems to waft from it.  Lucius uses it so much, it's taken on some of his qualities.  _

_I know he saw me flinch, I know because he smiled.  Not the one I craved, the one I feared.  _

_"Stand", the command was given with an air of anticipation._

_I'm not sure how I stood, considering the state I was it.  Maybe terror pushed me up?  In any case, I eventually made it to my feet somehow.  I was shaking, but I stood.  Not being able to look into those hate filled eyes, I stared at the floor.  It was covered in red sticky stuff.  I was too far gone to realize then that it was my blood.  _

_As it struck me, the cane enevitably hit other wounds.  Even if he wasn't aiming there were so many it would be impossible to miss.  I resolved not to cry out.  Father said Malfoys didn't do that and I so very much wanted to be a Malfoy.  I kept thinking he'd stop when he saw I wasn't going to scream.  But he didn't.  I finally crashed to the floor with a strangled scream.  Only then did he cease the blows._

~*Now I am safe, nothing can hurt me here*~

_I was sprawled, blood everywhere, unable to move, most of my body had lost feeling.  Father merely left the room, leaving me to be tended to by house-elves, or my mother... whichever found me first.  As he passed through the doorway he said one more thing, "Happy Birthday."~~_

~*Why can't you see my need for forgiveness?   
The truth and the lies confused as one*~

Now I know that something had gone wrong at work and even if I'd been out killing muggles when he got home he still would've found a reason to blow up.  Then, though, all I could think was how I'd messed up yet again.  I would've done anything to make him proud, make him see me for once.  

Even at this point, I wonder at times if maybe there was some moment where if I'd done something, said something...  Logically, I know that's not true.  That Lucius is just incapable of any human emotion.  Unforunately, when thoughts like that come, logic doesn't play a part.

~*I can't believe in anything sacred   
When I don't believe in anything*~

At my darkest moments I wish I was what he wants, whatever that is, I wish I was him.  I'd be empty, cruel, lifeless in every way that counts.  But maybe I would hurt less.  Maybe my mother would.  I know a lot of her bruises are my fault.  Everytime I mess up, she's to blame for not having a stronger son.  If I'd been born what he desired, perhaps he'd be nicer to her.  

~*I am alone   
Locked in my memories*~

I'll never know, though, because I'm not what he wished for, I'm not him.  

_"Are you sure?"_

Yes!  I'm not going to be a slave to a red-eyed monster.  I'm trying to stop all this, I don't want to help those people.  Even if I fail, I'm trying and that's more than Lucius ever did.

_"Aren't you the strong one tonight"._

No, I'm not strong.  That's the one thing he's always been right about.  If I was then I would've done something before this.  I've heard the screams of people deep in secret parts of the manors during meetings.  I know what he does when he goes out at night.  I've done nothing.  I hear those screams now and I feel like I'm drowning in the blood of my victims.

~*There's nowhere left for me to hide*~

_"Get ahold of yourself, will you?  If you act like this during training, you're dead"._

Training sessions.  Voldemort and Lucius vying to be the one to break me.  I have a feeling the beatings will be nothing compared to them.  Will I be able to do this?

_"Snape thinks you can"._

~*But I am not real*~

Snape.  I see his worried face in my mind.  Worried.  About me.  It's hard to understand.  "I just didn't use a broom", I remember his hushed confession.  So he's set out to help me... A part of me rebels at that.  I don't need help, can take care of things on my own.

_"No you can't, if your flying stunt is any indication"_.

You know why I did that, I had to.  I have to.

~*I've made all I am with lies*~

_"You really want to prove your father right on the weak issue?"_

What?  I'm trying to save people!

_"You would only be saving yourself!  You know Voldemort will find someone else!"_

I can't do anything about that!

_"Why not try to make up for things?  Like Snape"._

~*Why does it seem that everything's different?   
Why does it seem that only you are real?*~

That stops me short.  I can't believe he's a spy.  My father fully trusts him and I'm relatively sure Voldemort does too.  I shudder as I think of what would happen to my professor if he is found out.  The Dark Lord doesn't like to be betrayed.  But he told me, trusting that I'll keep it secret.  How can he have confidence in me when I don't?  In any case, I won't tell, to spite Lucius if nothing else.

They have a plan, an actual plan to take care of me.  They're not just going to leave me on a bloody carpet.  Even Lupin is helping.  I'm sure it's just to ensure Voldemort doesn't have any victories, but still.  Genuine effort is being put in.... I hate being confused.

~*I don't believe in anything sacred   
So, why do I feel so damned alone?*~

_"It's not to just stop Voldemort.  Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if Lucius is right about your intelligence."_

Shut up.  You won't change my mind on that.

_"Fine, but don't think it's over.  Now, are you going to try at redemption?"_

I...How?  

~*I need someone to break the silence*~

_"Do I really have to spell everything out for you?  Stay alive, number one.  Go to the sessions, let them make you stronger.  Strong enough to one day..."_

Beat them.

~*That's screaming in my head*~

_"Exactly.  Glad you finally caught on"._

This isn't going to be easy.

_"It's not supposed to be.  But it's something.  I guess your situation isn't so hopeless after all, hmm?"_

I guess not...

~*And in my soul*~

A/N I told you it was odd!!  lol, not sure why I couldn't really get anyone into character this chapter.  Hmm, the second Draco part is really sappy, I know.  This time, though, I'm not going to apologize because I wanted sappiness.  After a memory like that, it just fits in my opinion.  I hope you agree :)  Please go review now or I'll die from disappointment and you'll never know what happens next!! hehe :p


	12. He Can't Win

A/N  Okay I'm going to give you all the timeline these chapters are working on to prevent any confusion.  We're going to assume the outburst and suicide attempt happened on a Wednesday.  So the first detention was on a Thursday, this chapter will cover the Friday detention and the next one (Saturday) will include a training session ::shudder::.  I'm not sure how I'm going to do it after that, at least one more detention will be covered, but this fic isn't going to go day by day.  Something to ponder is how will Hermione take the absence of Draco Saturday night? :) Oh yeah, one more thing, I have no idea how any order of classes should go and etc, so just bear with me, okay?  The focus of this fic isn't really their classes most of the time so please ignore any mistakes or such in that area.  Argh, I almost threw myself out of a window trying to find the right song for this chapter, so sorry if it doesn't fit well.  It's "Breakdown" by Tantric.  It'll be in Draco's POV and onward, mostly because the chapter's too long to have it througout it.  Also, it fits those parts better.  I can never seem to find something for Hermione in them, but I'm determined to do a whole chapter in her POV eventually (probably reflecting on "that damn Slytherin" hehe) and will have to find one for her :)

Darcel: Thanks for reviewing! :)  I know, it must suck to be Draco, huh?  Personally, I would've wanted something quite different for my birthday...

Katja:  Thanks for reviewing!!  I'm glad you liked it :-D  Hehe, yeah Dray's got some hope and Hermione (eventually) will provide some more, thankfully.  I like the voice in Draco's head too (when it's not insulting him, lol).  Voices aren't all they're cracked up to be, though, mine drives me quite mad.  Maybe because there's three of them? :p  Well, Cinnamon only has one and hers drives her crazy too, so maybe we just got stuck with sucky ones.  Hehe, hope you like this chapter too :)

Quidditch-playa-lover:  Thanks for reviewing!!  I love writing the parts for Draco's voice so I'm glad you think it's funny (Draco's witty so I figured his voice should be too lol).  I know, it finally has proven it has a purpose other than putting him down :)  It's a bit mean at times in this chapter, but only because Draco's being dense (it happens so often, hehe).  Awww!!  I feel bad for making you cry but am really thrilled that my writing did what I wanted it to :)  I was looking for something to really make the memory depressing...guess I found it, lol.  I would love to talk to you through email!!  It's great to talk to other authors :)  I actually tried, when I first saw your review, to send you an email but it wouldn't work :(  My email's Damnedangel02@hotmail.com (it's in my profile too) I can't wait :)  You have much more faith in my abilities than I do, but I'll do anything you want for your story :)  Thanks again!!

Cinnamon:  Thanks for reviewing, lol, it was beautifully long!!  Now, for all the mentions of Chirstmas, I want you to think long and hard about the fact that the next chapter is going to have a session...a grueling, heartbreaking session, muahahaha!!  It's plaguing me and if I have to have nightmares, so do you!! (hehe, aren't friends great?)  Anywho, hope you like the chapter (as if you'd tell me if you didn't, lol)  :-D  Not much of Snape *tear* but lots of Draco/Hermione interaction :)

Harry and Ron stared at Hermione across the breakfast table with their heads slightly cocked to the side.  She'd been reading the same page for the last five minutes.  This was something to be alarmed about, considering the girl's extensive reading skills.

"Umm, 'Mione?" 

She looked up at Harry's tentative tone, "Yes?"

"Is something wrong?"

Hermione closed the book, "Of course not, why would you ask that?"

Harry turned to Ron, who continued, "I don't know if you noticed, but you haven't turned the page in at least five minutes".

"And?"

"And you usually would be finishing the book in that amount of time".

"So now I have to read a certain way too?" she snapped.

"No", Harry jumped in, "You just seem a bit out of it".

Hermione sighed, now she was letting out her frustration on her friends.  It really wasn't their fault that her life had been turned upside down lately, "I'm sorry.  I've been feeling a little off lately.  But don't worry, I'm sure it'll pass".  'And then I can be put in Azkaban for Draco's murder', she thought to herself with an inner smile.  That smile was quickly darkened as she realized, 'Dammit, I called him Draco'.

"Malfoy didn't do anything, did he?" Ron asked suspiciously.

Hermione once again questioned what her state of mind had been when she'd informed her friends of the Malfoy detention situation.  It wasn't just a 'maybe' that they would overreact; the two boys were actually physically unable to do anything else.  She appreciated that they cared, of course, but still... "No, Malfoy didn't do anything and even if he had I would've been able to handle it".  'I did handle it', she added in her mind.

Ron and Harry still looked doubtful so Hermione stood up, rolling her eyes, "Okay, you two can sit here and discuss him to your fullest delight.  Have fun in Divination, I'll see you in Potions", and she walked off without waiting for an answer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~'

"Ron, why are we taking Divination yet again?  Please tell me", Harry moaned to his friend as they dropped into their seats near Hermione in the Potion's classroom.

"Because it's an easy class as long as we write many horrible, bloody deaths", was the tired reply.

"But I am so sick of hearing that I'm going to die.  It's almost like she's wishing for it", he shuddered.

"I take it Trelawney was just as engaging as usual?" Hermione smirked.  Another moan from Harry was her answer and the three laughed.  The merriment stopped abruptly as Snape entered.

He glared at them but didn't say anything, for which the trio was grateful.  To be honest, ever since Hermione's outburst, the other two had been worried about her.  Things felt rather unpredictable, if Hermione Granger could blow up at a teacher (Trelawney didn't count) then what else was possible?

~~~~~Hermione's POV~~~~~~

Well, Snape looks like he had a great night.  Probably thinking about his discussion with Draco.  Dammit, I hate not knowing what is going on!

"Today we will work on healing potions".  

I swear his eyes flicked to Draco's for a millisecond.  What does he have to do with healing potions?  Maybe I'm making too much of it.  I'm too curious.  Suddenly I notice Harry and Ron wearing twin expressions of horror, what did I miss?

"What's wrong?"

Ron's mouth opens but Harry answers, "He's pairing us up with Slytherins".

Shit.  That's bloody fantastic.  I better not get put with Pansy, I cannot stand that girl's endless blather not to mention her oh so witty insults.  Crabbe or Goyle will just sit there and drool, I expect.  Draco... No, I won't be with him.  I have to deal with him every night for a week all ready, isn't that enough?  I pray Snape thinks so as I listen to him call out the pairings..

"Longbottom and Goyle".

Oh, that was just cruel.  The last thing Neville needs is more intimidation!

"Brown and Parkinson".

Good luck Lavender!!  I feel sorry for her but am so glad it's not me.

"Potter and Crabbe".

I send Harry an apologetic look, he's going to have to all the work.  He calls out some more names that don't concern my friends or I.  Finally he looks around the room as if taking inventory and finishes, "I suppose that leaves Granger with Malfoy.  Weasley, you are going to have to  work with me".

No!! No!!  Ron looks like he's about to be sick but I really can't focus.  How could he put me with...that?!  I glare at Snape and see him fighting a smirk.  He did this on purpose, the sadistic jerk.  Figures.  I glance over at Dr-, argh, Malfoy to see how he's taking this.  He's glaring at our teacher as well.  At least I'm not the only one who's annoyed.

"Get with your partners and try to get the potion right, if you please", Snape orders with a sneer.  Oh, I'll show him.  I'm going to get that damn potion perfect, regardless of who I'm working with.  I'll just have to ignore...Malfoy.  I sigh, easier said than done, right?

I look up and see that he apparently assumes I'll come to him.  Of course, his majesty can't be expected to move for the mere peasant folk.  Growling slightly I grab my stuff and trudge to the other side of the room, gathering supplies on the way.

'He doesn't exist, he doesn't exist', I chant to myself in my head as I set everything down, 'No eye contact, just work on the potion'.  As if he isn't even there, I carefully follow the directions and put ingredients in.  A part of me rebels at having to do all the work, but doing anything else would require conversation with that... Slytherin.  Therefore, it's not happening.

"Ever notice that you're a control freak?"

Dammit!  I swear internally as the slow drawl reaches my ears.  Why is he initiating something?  All he has to do is sit there and glare at someone, must he make things so complicated?  I'll just continue to ignore him, that's all.  Unless he's even thicker than I think, he'll get the point.

"So do mudbloods have inferior hearing as well as magical skills?"

I tense as he speaks again a few minutes later.  'Stay calm', I order myself, 'He wants a reaction, don't give him one!'

"Are all Slytherin's this thick, or is just you?"  I retort, not listening to myself.  Oh dear, this can't end well...

~~~Draco's POV~~~

I raise an eyebrow at Granger's response.  She hasn't even looked at me to give it, is still glaring into the cauldron.  I figured the 'mudblood' would get something out of her.  What I didn't expect was a sick feeling in my stomach when I said it.  Something must've been wrong with breakfast today.

~*In your life you seem to have it all  
You seem to have control*~

_"She's right, you are thick"._

Oh shut up, what do you know?

_"That the sick feeling is something called remorse.  Something you've been feeling a lot lately... just not for this particular reason"._

Why would I?  She's just some annoying little muggle-born.  Dammit, the feeling intensified.

_"Of course it did, you moron.  What part of this aren't you getting?  I would think you would understand more, considering your sympathetic thoughts for her and her friends the other day"._

Those were a fluke!!  Nothing more!

~*But deep within your soul   
You're losing it*~

_"Yeah, you try to convince yourself of that.  Meanwhile, I suggest you give her some sort of reply, you look rather dumb right now just staring into the air"._

I hate you.  

I look back to Granger, whose eyes still haven't moved from that stupid pot.  "It's not my fault that you didn't respond to my first comment".

"You mean your first insult", she corrects.

"You're the one taking over the assignment.  I'd call that control freak behavior".

"And I'd call you an idiot!" She finally looks at me, eyes narrowed, "I didn't want to have to engage in any unnecessary talking.  That would've been obvious to anyone with half a brain", she smirks, "Which would explain why you didn't get it".

"Your thoughts on my brain are of no concern to me, Granger", I roll my eyes.

"Why would they be?  Nothing is", she comes back with.

"What's that supposed to mean?"  I can feel myself becoming angry.  I refuse to break down in front of this girl again, I'll have to control myself.

"I thought it was pretty self explanatory", she mimics me, rolling her eyes, "Nothing matters to you".

"Don't act like you know me, mudblood", I bite out.  Ugh, there's that feeling again...

Her chocolate eyes flash, "Only if you do the same, Malfoy".

_"Chocolate?"_

Huh?

_"You said chocolate.  Not just brown...chocolate"._

What's your point?

_"Nothing, nothing at all..."_ the damn voice chuckles a little.  

Her eyes are right in front of me, I can't help but notice the color.  And chocolate's just the first adjective that came to mind.  Not a big deal or anything...  The voice just laughs some more.  Stupid annoying buzzing in my head.

I sigh, "Can we just finish the potion?"

She doesn't answer, just goes back to the cauldron, moving a little so I can work too.  We continue in silence, not even looking at each other.  Her little friends keep glancing over with murderous expressions.  Did she tell them what I said last night?  The sickness in my stomach becomes a solid knot at the reminder of my remark.

_"That really was low...even for you"._  
Oh please, it's just Granger.  Just a mudblood.

_"I could've sworn you spent considerable effort last night trying to convince me you weren't Lucius"._

Gee, you're real bright.  Where exactly are you going with this?

_"It's just that all this 'mudblood' talk sounds an awful lot like stuff he would say"._

The knot grows, increasing the ache.  My words do sound like his.  Hell, I learned most of them from him.  Shit.

~*You never took the time   
Assume that you're to blame*~

I glance at Granger, who still looks pretty pissed.  Well what does that stupid voice expect me to do?  I'm not just going to burst out with an apology.  No matter who or what her parents are, I don't like her.

I hear the annoying laughter again as the sarcasm is poured on, _"Right, you don't like Hermione.  Or her chocolate eyes"._

Ugh, I really need someone to perform an exorcism...

~*You think that you're insane*~

~~~~3rd Person~~~~

~*Won't you spare me*~

The detention came much too soon for either of their tastes.  Hermione was working on not committing murder; Draco still had that annoying "chocolate" matter running through his head, not to mention that twisted stomach.  These just weren't the best circumstances to place the two in the same room...especially one equipped with pointy objects.

Unfortunately, Snape didn't see this and if he had, probably wouldn't have cared very much.  Thus, the Slytherin and Gryffindor were once again forced together.  Needless to say, it would be an eventful night...

"I'm going to leave you with the same warning as last night: damage anything and you will regret it immensely, am I understood?" Snape narrowed his eyes at them and waited for their nods, "You will work on the tables tonight, cauldrons if you get to them", they nodded again silently and he stalked out the door.

~*I know the breakdown*~

The second Snape was gone, Hermione filled a bucket with soap and water and grabbed some sponges.  She moved quickly, not even acknowledging her classmate.

Draco found he didn't like being ignored, "There's that controlling thing again", he strolled over next to her.

~*Everything is gonna shake now someday*~

She didn't look up from the table she was carefully cleaning, much like Potion's earlier, "The more you talk, the less that will be done.  Witty as you are, it might be best to move your focus to scrubbing", this was said calmly and softly.

~*I know the breakdown*~

It irked him that she could so easily brush him off, "Don't give me orders".

Hermione sighed internally, determined not to be provoked...he just wasn't worth the energy, "I didn't mean to.  Do as you wish, then".

Why wasn't she reacting?! The questioned plagued Draco.  After a few silent moments of battling himself, he said aloud, "Aren't you the agreeable one tonight", he smirked, "Finally realize your place?"

~*Tell me again am i awake now maybe*~

Her head rose at last and tired eyes met his, "It's called choosing your battles.  I've simply decided not to get ruffled over unimportant  matters", and with that the table once again captured her attention.

Unimportant matters.  Draco didn't much like being called unimportant...it reminded him too much of Lucius.  He raged inside, how dare she, a mere muggle born, treat a Malfoy with such disrespect?

~*You can find the reason that no one else is living this way*~

_"I thought we concluded you weren't a Malfoy"_, Draco heard the voice in his head.

'Yes, but she doesn't know that', he shot back.

~*Yeah your lies   
Your world is built around*~

_"Oh please.  Have I mentioned how utterly stupid you are?"_

'I hear that enough from Father, thank you' Draco thought bitterly.

~*Two faces to a clown   
The voices in your head*~

Hermione snuck a glance up and became instantly confused.  Draco was currently staring into space, brow furrowed, as if in the middle of an argument.  He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.  A pang of guilt hit the girl.  Something was obviously wrong with him...

~*Think there's four pawns down   
Well in this unity   
Fate has found the need*~

'So what?' She told herself defensively, 'It's not as if he'd do anything if the situation was reversed.  It's just Malfoy, after all.'  Somehow the words, instead of being a comfort, made the pang sharper.  That just made her angrier, with both herself and the Slytherin.  

~*So you better check yourself*~

In her anger, she forgot the 'choosing your battles' plan, "I'm sure whatever you're thinking of is very interesting.  However, I believe Snape intended for us to clean.  I'm not going to get into trouble just because you don't feel like moving".

The half sneer jolted Draco and he glared down at her, "How stupid of me... Of course flawless Granger can't get in any more trouble.  These detentions alone must be killing you".

~*Before you check out*~

"Yes", Hermione agreed, returning the glare, "But not for that reason".

"Do I affect you that much?" Draco mocked.

~*I know the breakdown   
Everything is gonna shake now someday*~

"In the sense that anything sharp seems very appealing", her eyes flicked to the cabinet that held the knives used for cutting up ingredients, "Speaking of which, I suggest you stop unless you want to be unable to reproduce.  On second thought, that might not be so bad", she pretended to consider it and beamed.

_"Hmm, you having children...that's a scary thought"._

~*I know the breakdown   
Tell me again am i awake now maybe*~

For once, he agreed with whatever was living in his head.  Just the thought of being what Lucius had been to him caused the sensation of all his bones disintegrating.  Without realizing it, Draco backed up a bit and steadied himself by grabbing a table behind him.  'Damn attacks' he cursed in his mind as he felt the now familiar tightening.  'You're so weak', he ranted at himself, 'The mere thought of the man breaks you.  Pathetic'.

Hermione's eyes widened as she watched Draco's expressions fly around crazily.  After the initial spurt of anger at her comment, he looked repulsed...then absolutely terrified.  She recognized his behavior as the same kind that he exhibited in the library.  Although he couldn't tell, his pale skin was becoming even more so.  Rage suddenly overtook his features and she was even more confused.  It amazed her that the Prince could show such feeling, though.  When not covering up everything with a layer of ice he seemed almost...human.

~*You can find the reason that no one else is living this way*~

"Draco?" She asked quietly, not even realizing what she'd called him.

_"She said it again"._

'I'm not deaf!' Draco yelled at the voice within.  He really had to get control of himself, this was unacceptable.  His unfocused icy eyes turned to her deep orbs, searching for how she felt.  It was actually compassion but Draco, not having any knowledge of such an emotion, saw only shameful pity.  Refusing to be looked down on (for that was how he saw it), he pulled himself straighter.  Carefully, he once again hid away any and all feelings, leaving behind his customary frosty mask.

~*If you find yourself   
Then you might believe*~

He raised a scornful eyebrow, "Something wrong mu-", his tongue tripped as a blast of pain hit his stomach, causing him to halt the insult and finish, "Granger".

Hermione didn't know where to begin, quite frankly, with all that was wrong.  Before she could become annoyed with his swift change, she realized he hadn't completed the slur.  That made the Gryffindor feel as if she were in an alternate universe.  Where else would Draco Malfoy stop himself from using his favorite word?  

She glanced wearily around the room, noting how little they'd gotten done while arguing.  That brought to mind Snape and her outburst.  That, of course, led to the library and Draco's breakdown.  Then, whatever it was that Snape and he spoke about.  Added to all that now was his most recent collapse, not to mention the whole 'mudblood' issue.  Hermione simply didn't feel capable of thinking it all through at the moment...

"The only thing wrong is that we, or should I said I, have one table done.  Snape is coming back, you know", she spoke slowly, as if he wouldn't understand, "We should probably get this done.  And I'm not doing it alone".

Draco muttered something she couldn't hear, more than likely some kind of retort, but grabbed a sponge and went to a desk on the other side of the room.  That suited Hermione just fine.

~*Then within yourself   
You just might conceive*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Snape returned to find all the tables sparkling and a good number of the cauldrons done.  What he noticed most, however, was that the two teenagers avoided one another's eyes as if to look would blind them.  He wasn't quite sure whether he preferred them fighting, or like this.  The latter was actually rather eerie and unsettled the potion's master, though he didn't know why.

~*I know the breakdown   
Everything is gonna shake now someday*`

"Amazingly, you two actually seemed to have gotten something done", he looked around, "And without any destruction.  I'm speechless".

'If only', both Gryffindor and Slytherin thought this at the same time as they fought not to roll their eyes at the professor.

~*I know the breakdown   
Tell me again am i awake now maybe*~

"Very well, Ms. Granger, to your dormitory", Snape waved her off.

Hermione left without looking at Draco, but paused outside the doorway.  It seemed understood that he would stay.  Were they going to discuss whatever it was she was missing?  She inched closer, staying out of sight...what would it hurt to try?  Barely breathing, she listened...

~*You can find the reason that no one else is living this way*~

"...Tomorrow night", she caught the end of Snape's sentence.  His voice sounded oddly strangled.

"Yes", Draco responded so quietly Hermione wasn't even sure if he'd said anything.

"We can still have Albus try for an excuse to get you out of it..." 

"No", his voice was stronger now, "There has to be a first time eventually".

Snape sighed, "You know what to do?"

Hermione guessed Draco must've nodded because she heard no answer, only the teacher continuing, "Good... You can do this, Draco".

"I'm glad one of us thinks so", his tone was rueful.

"So should you", Snape insisted, "Otherwise, you let him win".

"Hasn't he already?" 

~*You can find the reason that (you can find the reason that)*~

Draco's voice broke a little and suddenly Hermione didn't want to hear anymore.  A sickening feeling had entered her, an overwhelming urge to throw up.  As she hurried blindly to her dormitory, Hermione was certain of only one thing: life had taken a definite turn for the strange.

~*No one else is living this way (you can find the reason that way)*~

A/N:  This chapter seemed long to me.  I originally meant to just have a detention scene but the classroom one worked its way in :)  Remember, next chapter is a session!!  Everyone get the tissues ready :'(  Hope you liked this chapter.  Please review ::gets on knees:: pretty please? :)

Oh yeah, for anyone who said yes to the self mutilation earlier, I did the one shot of Draco burning himself.  It's called "A Dragon's Fire".. hehe, yes, shameless advertising for my own fic, but whoever was interested before, I hope you like it :)


	13. Home Sweet Home

A/N:  This is it!!  *tear*  My anger at the 5th book helped write this chapter.  At least it was good for something (yeah, I'm still a little bitter).  Then again, my anger also delayed this chapter since I just didn't feel like writing.  Hmm "~~~~~~~' " things are scene separators.  I'm going to throw in a disclaimer this chapter: I do not own any of these characters and if I did, I wouldn't kill off one of the best ones!!!!!!!!!  ::glares at book::  Oh yes, just to let anyone who's read the 5th book know, that character who died may show up in this fic eventually because I refuse to have him dead in any of my stories (okay, except one but that's a totally different situation) also, since this takes place in their 6th year and none of the 5th book stuff happened, I suppose you can call it AU or something if you want.  Just wanted to tell everyone that the damn book (anger, sorry) doesn't have any bearing on this story.  Oh yes, the song is "Burn Tomorrow" by Unsung Zeroes

Ms. Padfoot: Thanks for reviewing!!  You want to go get rid of Rowling together?  She really crossed the line with that death.  Sorry, lol, I can't seem to stop ranting about it.  I'm actually taking a break to write the responses now because I can't focus on the actual session yet.  Stupid Lucius.  Hermione won't know quite what to do, discovering such a thing about her mortal enemy.  When she gets it together, though, I expect she'll devise a way to help Draco...whether he wants it or not :) There won't be much sweetness, as I agree that Draco would never allow it.  I know, it doesn't seem fair that on top of all the normal stuff, Draco has to deal with a bloodthirsty father and the Dark Lord.  Snape will always be around, I love him so... :)

Mic: Thanks for reviewing!!  It's nice to see a review from you again, but don't worry about it.  Long as you're reading and enjoying, I'm happy :) Thank you :)  Soon Hermione's worry will increase tenfold.  Draco does need to lighten up, he's his own 2nd worst enemy (the first being Lucius, of course).  Hehe, glad you liked the 'chocolate' part, I couldn't help it :-D

Voldemortsucks18: Thanks for reviewing!!  LoL, great name!!  Yay, another first timer ::happy dance::  Glad you came :)  The Hr/D love won't be occurring for quite a few chapters.  Hermione will see a new side to him soon and Draco has that 'chocolate' business, but I think it's too soon for the relationship.  Over the weekend, Draco's going to spend some, er, 'quality time' with Lucius... ::Shudder::.  Good luck with your fanfic, if she posts it, let me know, I'd love to read it :)  Morbid thoughts are rather fascinating, aren't they?  I love angst.  Narcissa's chapter is one of my favorites, depressing as it is, glad you liked it :)  LoL, I spend my summer that way too.  In fact, it's 10 of 2 in the afternoon and I just got dressed...ahh, the beauty of no school :-D  Thank you again!!!

Angel of Death: Thanks for reviewing!!  And another new reviewer, hi!!  Yup, this is going to be Hr/D because I love that pairing to death.  Thank you, I'm always afraid someone's OOC.  I agree, the family is seriously screwed.  I hope you got my review to your story, explaining the Draco suicide situation :)  Draco is everywhere in this chapter, don't worry :-D

Katja: Thanks for reviewing!!  Glad to see you're back!!! :)  Hehe, I admit this chapter took awhile, sorry it took so long!! :)  Glad you liked the 'chocolate eyes' part, I felt Draco needed a little shove in Hermione's direction :-D  Also, thank you for reviewing "A Dragon's Fire", I'm very happy you liked it.  I'm also happy I managed to get the feeling right and I'm sorry that you went through that.  I never burned myself, but, ah, let's just say I understand the feelings behind self-mutilation as well.  Thank you again!! :)

~~~~~Draco's POV~~~~~

~*It's the kind of day that starts bad in the morning  
When I wake up to the feeling that nothing is quite right*~

I'm to meet my father in Hogsmead and we are going to floo to the manor from there.  As I walk down to the town, I play the morning in my mind.....  

~~~~~_Snape was as close to being a wreck as he could be and Dumbledore had been frighteningly somber.  The door was open a crack when I arrived at the Headmaster's office after waking up so I listened to their conversation for a few moments._

_"Tell him no"._

_"Severus..."_

_"I mean it, tell that bastard to go find someone else to torture"._

_Dumbledore sighed, "Please be calm"._

_"For Merlin's sake Albus, hasn't he been through enough?"_

_"You know Draco is very strong"._

_"Just because cake is there that doesn't mean you have to eat it!"_

_"You've ceased to make sense, my friend"._

_"You know what I mean!  This can't be healthy for him..."_

_"Maybe we should ask Mr. Malfoy how he feels.."_

_At that point, there was a long silence.  I slowly opened the door and looked at the two men a bit uneasily, "I didn't want to interrupt..." I trailed off._

_"Perfectly all right", Dumbledore said kindly, "Now, how do you feel about this?"_

_"I want to do it", I answered softly.  At Snape's surprised look, I explained, "My whole life, I've never done anything remotely good.  I didn't stop my father, didn't help anyone", I stared at my teacher, "You get to make up for things.  I want that chance"._

_"What will you do?" Snape questioned._

_"These sessions are supposed to make me strong, as strong as Voldemort if the goal is reached, right?" The two men nodded and I continued, "I'll just let them do what they're meant to.  At the end, I can fight the dark with what it's taught me"._

_Snape smiled at me proudly.  It wasn't (and isn't) a look I'm very familiar with.  All Lucius has ever looked at me with is disgust and hatred.  I  had never thought my father would be anywhere near proud for me.  Snape isn't my father, of course, but I figure this is as close as I'll get to that sought after glance._

~*But circumstances forces me to make a smile*~

_"I must say, the irony is pleasing", Snape mused, "But are you sure it's worth it?"_

_"Is your spying worth it?" I countered._

_He opened his mouth to protest (I assume), but shut it again.  I guess he realized I was going to go through with my plan with or without approval.  He nodded, "Very well.  Be careful tonight since we didn't get a chance to practice yet.  Don't taunt him or anything.  Minimize the damage, so to speak", I shrugged dismissively, "I'm serious, Draco.  We don't need you displaying any foolish Gryffindor bravery"._

_That was just low, so I glared at him, "I'm not a Gryffindor!"_

_"Prove it", Snape stated. _

_I suppose he's right...Lucius is dangerous enough when he isn't angry._

_"Yes sir", I rolled my eyes and Snape narrowed his at me.  _

_I noticed Dumbledore smiling slightly at us, not sure what was so amusing.  He murmured something but all I caught was "So alike" and then  he coughed softly, "Now that that's settled.  Do you know what to do, Mr. Malfoy?"_

_I nodded, "When I return tomorrow night, you'll be waiting and I'm to go to Professor Snape's quarters", I looked at them as I suddenly realized something, "Didn't Lucius think it would seem odd for me to show up all battered?  That someone would notice and become suspicious"._

_"That's what concealing charms are for", Snape informed me gently, "Thursday night, he contacted me and apparently I'm supposed to make sure no one notices anything.  I don't think that included making sure your injuries were fixed, but what he doesn't know won't hurt him", he smirked._

_'Or me' I thought while forcing myself return the smirk._~~~~~~~~~~~

~*And so I head up to my destination feeling all the while*~

_"You're almost there"_

The voice's casual declaration brings my mind back to the road I'm currently walking.  My throat seems to shrink a little.  'No!' I tell myself harshly, 'You will not show weakness in front of that bastard!'  

~*Cause I burn, I'm burning so fast  
Burning up from the inside*~

After intense concentration, I manage to subdue the attack.  Much as I don't want to admit it, fear of what Lucius would do if he witnessed an attack helped to push it back.  'You're such a coward' I accuse darkly, 'Full of fear'.

~*Fighting bad emotions fuels the fire  
When someone burns*~

_"But you're still going"_

Yeah, I noticed that.  Your point?

_"Haven't you ever heard?  Courage is being afraid and still going through with it"_

You sound like something printed on a frilly pink pillow.

_"You are virtually impossible to encourage, did you know that?"_

I'm drowning in remorse.

Hogsmead is right in front of me.  He's waiting in there, gleefully imagining what's going to happen between now and tomorrow night.  I know to expect his secret smile.  Not one like Snape's... one that screams, "Happy Birthday" every time I see it.

~*Burns all day long and it pain, it just never subsides  
Left them with what one desire that*~

~~~~~~~~~~~'

Home sweet home.  We arrive and I have to suppress a shudder.  Damn, how I hate this manor.  The site of so many nightmares.  All I look forward to is seeing my mother.  I hope, almost desperately, that he's been too busy planning this weekend to pay much attention to her lately.

He wasted little time with small talk when I met him in Hogsmead.  After noting that I was a minute or two late, he led me straight to the fireplace.  I suppose he's awfully eager to get started.

~*Tomorrow please come cause today is  
Too much to take and I know this*~

He kicks a house elf out of the way as we enter.  What's its name?  Rory, or something that rhymes.  

He squeals and mutters apologies as he backs out, "Mory is sorry, sirs", okay so it's Mory, "Mory is clumsy and stupid, Mory will be more careful", he looks at me, "Welcome home Master Draco", and, with a *pop*, is gone.  

Home.  Right.

~*Never thought you would break and it's showing  
Tomorrow please come or I'm going*~

Lucius turns to me, "At 8:00 we are meeting the Dark Lord in a secluded clearing for your training.  It is ideal because of its location and open area.  Some may occur here, though".  I nod, great, more memories for this place to hold.  He continues, "Until then, do as you wish.  But", his face becomes threatening, "You must be on time".

"Yes sir", I force myself not to hurl the vase near my hand at him, "Where is Mother?"

He sneers and walks away, I guess he's not going to answer.  The fact that my mother and I got along always annoyed him.  As I start for the stairs to search, I hear him say casually, "I think she's in her room".

My stomach clenches, something is wrong.  I could've sworn I heard a thin layer of amusement beneath the indifference.  Please just let me be paranoid, I pray as I race up the stairs.

_"Just because someone's paranoid doesn't mean someone isn't after them"_

What's with you and the little sayings today?  And you are not helping!!

I can barely see as I hurry to her room, so anxious that it feels my head is no longer connected to my body.  I feel worse than when I laid in bed last night envisioning today.  My sweaty hands slip on the knob as I try to open the door.  Finally I get enough friction to turn it and practically fall in to see my father's version of a welcome home gift.

Mum is lying beneath the covers in her bed, although I can see she is fully clothed.  He must've done it recently, considered the clothes and the fact that no concealing charms were put on yet.  Anger constricting my chest, I slowly make my way over to her, foolishly hoping it'll disappear when I reach her.  Of course, none of the marks vanish and she stays still, eyes shut.  A large bluish purple bruise surrounds her right eye and a long, thin cut runs beside her left one.  Her lips are swollen and I can see dried blood on them.  Other dark bruises are scattered on her delicate face.  I'm afraid to find out the extent of her other injuries, and I know there are others.  I don't want to disturb her, but have to know.

"Mum?" I entreat softly, "Mum?" I repeat louder.  Still no response.  Very gently, I reach out and touch her shoulder, terrified of hurting her further.

She starts and her eyes drowsily open.  They widen as she sees me, "Draco?  When did you arrive?"

Relieved that she can speak, I tell her, "Just a little bit ago.  He said he thought you were in here", my voice hardens on the second line.  The bastard.

~*To break out and cry, cause this has been  
The worst day of all, always kept it*~

She tries to smile at me, "I'm fine.  Don't go doing anything that will get you hurt", her tone is worried.

"I'm not going to do anything", my expression darkens, "Just slowly wring that bastard's neck.  After, of course, Crucioing him several times".

My mother anxiously looks to the closed door, "Don't talk like that.  I'm not worth getting him angry.  In fact, act like you don't care at all.  Try being happy, maybe that'll relax him", I give her an incredulous look and she sighs, "Honey, this weekend is going to be tough enough without you making it worse for yourself", she looks like she's fighting tears.

I don't want her worrying about me, "Mum, don't worry.  I'm going to be okay, it won't be the first time I've had curses thrown at me".  Okay, so that wasn't the best time to say if her even more miserable face is anything to go by.  Damn, I was never good at any kind of 'soothing', "You know what I mean.  I can't tell you everything, just know that I'll be all right, okay?"  I wish I could tell her about Snape and Lupin and etc., but I can't risk it getting out.  I change the subject, "How bad is it?"

"It's nothing", she dismisses her wounds.

"You're lying down", I feel the need to point out.

"I was tired". 

I can tell she doesn't want to argue about it and sigh, "Can you fix them?"

"You know I have that stone for concealing charms and such since he has my wand"

"But can you get to it?" I ask her skeptically.

"Of course", she attempts to move and I see pain flash through her eyes.

"That's what I thought", I go get the stone and hand it to her, "I'm sorry?"

"For what?" She frowns.  It always annoys her if I apologize.

"He did this so that I would see you.  If I wasn't coming he wouldn't have been so bad...", I trail off, full of guilt.

"Did you ask to come?" She doesn't wait for an answer, "No, you didn't.  The blame lays only with him, Draco".

I don't believe that but don't want to upset her further so I nod my head.  Time to change the topic I decide and we begin to talk about lighter topics.  Things to keep my mind off of 8 o'clock...

~*I was falling apart and I need it  
I hope the morning comes soon cause I need it, yeah*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~'

The cut opens even further and I watch, almost fascinated, as the blood flows.  It's on my arm, jagged and stinging.  The edges burn from the impact of the hex.  Voldemort's first hit.  

~*So feeling unhappy situation*~

I make sure not to show any pain that monster can latch onto and block his next one.  It's hard, though.  I barely have time to think.  The lighting sucks since they don't want to attract any attention.  Damn, where'd he go?  I look for his red eyes, the only thing I can think to see.

Suddenly there's movement to my left and I spin, pointing my wand and yelling, "_Cremo_!"  I hear a gasp.  Hah, 'master' wasn't ready for that one.  Good.

Or not so good.  I hear him hiss, "_Crucio_", and Lucius' soft chuckle.  Damn.

Not knowing of any way to block the Cruciatus, if there even is one, I fall to the ground as the curse consumes me.  'Focus!' I order myself roughly.  But it's hard when mini knives are digging deep enough to touch bone.  When muscles I didn't know existed are twisting like they're going to burst through the flesh.  

~*From a place with something that I didn't want to face at all*~

I've been through this before, I can do it again, dammit.  You'd think I'd be used to this by now.  I wonder if it's possible to become immune to a curse.  

Merlin!  I hiss out a breath, forcing down screams, why hasn't he taken it off yet?!  Maybe he found out about the plan and just wants me dead.  No!  I can't die!!  For the first time, I actually believe that and am not going to let some pathetic **thing** screw up my plans!  

~*And it weighs me down, like concrete shoes in water*~

I attempt to stand, gritting my teeth.  I slip a little from blood that's fallen on the grass and can hear Lucius' laughter increase.  A strange, high-pitched noise joins it  and I realize it must be Voldemort's laugh.  What a warped sound, half way between a woman's screech and nails on a chalkboard.  They only strengthen my determination and I block them out, slowly pushing myself up.  Halfway there, I realize there is no new pain and that he must've lifted the curse.  I'm still weak, but with the absence of constantly mounting hurting, I'm able to stand.

Keeping my winces of pain within and my eyes cold, I stare at the beast, unflinching beneath his crimson gaze.

~*But I have to keep a straight face, and that makes it so much harder*~

"Well it took you long enough", he sneers and says softly, without warning, "Mutilo".

I feel an intense stinging sensation on my chest and look down to see that my robe has slit open and I've been sliced.  I shrug off the robes (they were cumbersome anyway) and my bloodied, ruined shirt.  I check and see that my pants have stains all over from blood that is seeping from the cuts on my legs.  Gingerly, I inspect the newest injury.  It's shallow, but hurts like hell.

"Why didn't you block that?" Voldemort hisses.

Gee, maybe it was the fact I just got hit with the Cruciatus, I'd like to see you protect yourself after that.  You couldn't even handle a baby.  I think this to myself bitterly and start to respond out loud more politely when I notice his deformed face is contorting in anger.  

~*Cause I burn, I'm burning so fast  
Burning up from the inside*~

I feel the hair on my arms stand as I wonder... I couldn't have said that first bit aloud...could I?  No, gods, Fate can't hate me that much, can she?

Apparently so, judging by Voldemort's next comment, "And here I thought your father would've taught you some manners, boy.  Or that you would at least be smart enough not to mention Potter", he turns to Lucius, who is glaring at me worse than ever before, "Malfoy, is this the son you're raising?  I'm disappointed.  You said he would be an asset".

~*Fighting bad emotions fuels the fire  
When someone burns*~

Lucius bows his head, "I'm very sorry, My Lord, and I'm sure Draco is as well", I snort to myself at that, "He's not perfect, though, Master, not yet.  I promise he'll regret saying that".  I shiver, he's going to kill me... or come as close as possible.

"I don't doubt that", Voldemort replies casually, "But you disappoint me as well.  Learn to have more control over your boy.  Maybe a reminder?" I guess he's forming a smile right now, if you can call it that, as he mutters, "_Crucio_".

My eyes widen as I watch Lucius fall and twist in agony.  I know he's trying not to scream, but I hear garbled noises coming from him.  It's odd, I always thought I'd love to see him get his, but watching is making me sick.  I fight not to show my disgust, but can't help looking away.  It's just the fact that the more Voldemort hurts him, the more he'll hurt me.  That's all, I try to convince myself.  But I have to admit, no one should have to go through that.

~*Burns all day long and it pain, it just never subsides  
Left them with what one desire that*~

_"Maybe you aren't him"_

Huh?  Where've you been?  And what do you mean?

_"Figured you had enough to deal with.  And I just mean, Lucius loves seeing people hurt and it makes you sick.  What does that tell you?"_

That I have a weak stomach?

_"I swear, if I had a wand... No!  It's just another way you two differ.  Try to hold onto that"_

~*Tomorrow please come cause today is  
Too much to take and I know this*~

I'd like a wall to hang onto, I'm starting to get a little dizzy.  I glance over and the curse has been lifted, but they're still talking.  Waiting for them, I think over this session.  When I first arrived, we did disarming spells to test my quickness.  Luckily for me, I'm quite fast.  Then Voldemort showed me some blocking spells, stronger than others I've learned.  Stronger because they're darker.  That's always the way, though, isn't it?

After that, he gathered some animals to practice stunning and binding spells on.  It's easier if I don't look into their eyes.  He said one session soon will be totally focused on the Unforgivables.  I'll have to perform them... can I do that?  Won't that just set me right up for Azkaban?  I'll have to talk to Snape about it.

~*Never thought you would break and it's showing  
Tomorrow please come or I'm going*~

Someone roughly grabs my arm and I let out a hiss of pain.  I look up to see that it's Lucius, his silvery eyes glaring at me with blazing hatred.  Uh oh.  When he speaks, however, his voice is calm, "We're leaving now, Draco", he pushes me violently towards the Dark Lord.

After a moment, I remember what I'm supposed to do, "Thank you, My Lord", and I bow my head, wanting to throw up.

~*To break out and cry, cause this has been  
The worst day of all, always kept it*~

"Do better next time, Draco, do better", he orders with a glint in those shudder worthy eyes.  I nod and grab my discarded clothing before Lucius apperates away with me to the manor.  He's not being exactly understanding about my condition and every movement creates a new spasm of pain.  Aches engulf me, damn how I wish to go numb, black out... something to stop the torment...

~*I was falling apart and i need it  
I hope the morning comes soon cause I need it, yeah*~

Dragging me into a small sitting room, he throws me to the hardwood floor, "I will not be disgraced by you like that ever again!"  Every word of his snarl is emphasized by a kick.  The robes and shirt are thrown to the side as I curl up, trying to protect myself, not caring by this point how pathetic I look.  I try to tune out his ranting, sick of hearing how worthless I am.  Above my head I hear glass hitting the walls and floor as he sweeps knick-knacks off of surfaces in his anger.

~*Tomorrow please come cause today is  
Too much to take and I know this*~

His shouts make the walls vibrate and I slowly realize how serious this is.  Not only did I embarrass him in front of his 'master', but I also got him in trouble.  Prestige is so important to him, self-preservation even more so.  My breathing becomes especially ragged as I recognize that I would be dead by now if Voldemort didn't need me.  Hmm, odd that one who causes so many deaths is the only one keeping me from mine.  I'll have to remember to thank him.

"Are you listening to me?!"

His outraged question reaches me and I manage to croak, "Yes".

"Liar!" He kicks me so hard that I fly back and hit a sofa.  Well, if I'd said no the result would've been similar.  There are never any right answers with him.

~*That without you I will break*~

"_Consurgo_", I suddenly feel myself rising and immediately fight it.  My body doesn't want to be straightened out yet!  I hear cracks as the spell overwhelms and brings me to a standing position.  He mutters the binding spell and another to make sure I don't fall over.  What is he doing?  I hear him say, "_Verbero_".  In the instant before it takes effect, I wonder why it sounds familiar, what it does.

My questions are answered as I feel my back and abdomen open in thin, burning, slits.  Trying, failing, to ignore the stinging, I laugh without humor to myself.  How could I forget the whipping curse?  Lucius was never a big fan of it, for whatever reason, but had used it from time to time.  My flesh continues to be torn open, causing the previous wounds to get bigger.  I don't have to look down to know that it's hard to see skin anymore.  I'm pretty sure my back is the same, a mess of cuts, and so goddamn much blood!  I can feel tears begin to prick my eyes...

I managed to keep from crying through the session and the beginning of Lucius' explosion, but the whole day was starting to take its toll.  Seeing Mum like that, the energy it took to stay calm, facing Voldemort and now this.  I bite my lip until I draw blood in an effort to keep from showing him how beaten I am.  

~*And I can't take another day like today*~

I feel streams of blood trickling down me, not exactly a foreign sensation.  My head starts to float, the chair and Lucius before me blur.  I offer up a thanks right before losing consciousness.

~*Tomorrow please come*~

A/N: Okay, first I know in the Narcissa chapter I said that Lucius never gave Narcissa her wand and so on, but this chapter I realized she needed it for her concealing charms.  I admit, I'm dense when it comes to details such as that.  Therefore I added in the little bit about the stone.  I know it's out of nowhere, but just go along with it please, lol, and sorry for the oversight :)  And sorry if the courage line was a bit much but it's one of my favorite sayings, so I wanted to include it :)  Also, the curses/spells/etc that are used in the sessions I just looked at a latin translator for some words, so sorry if they seem wrong.  One last thing, I don't know if it's possible to apperate people along with you but for this story, it is, lol.  Hope you liked this!!!  Please review, they keep me going :-D


	14. I Fought It

A/N: Hi!  Omg, I am so sorry about the lack of updates!!!  I went camping (left wednesday night) and just got back today.  I meant to post this before I left but things got screwed up and I didn't get time to finish it.  It was very frustrating.  I also ended up having the Trip From Hell which included rain, too many bugs, sickness, someone outside our tent and a million other things.  Sorry, didn't mean to rant, lol.  Anyway, the song is "My December" by Linkin Park (One of my faves by them!!).  Sorry if it seems odd, I was having trouble finding a song and just wanted this chapter posted.  Hope you like this!!!

Katja: Thanks for reviewing!!!  lol, I love when Snapey is protective.  I want to hug Draco too, poor guy.  I couldn't help having Lucius get tortured, god knows he deserves it :-D  Glad you liked it!!! 

Ms. Padfoot: Thanks for reviewing!!  I agree, Voldie should've been happy Draco was strong enough, but oh no, no one can beat the "all powerful" dark lord.  Stupid monster that he is, lol.  I loved writing about Lucius getting hurt, does that make me a bad person? hehe..Don't worry, Draco will triumph in the end against the Bastard.  Of course you have to get anger out, my room's a mess from all the things I threw because of that damn book (which I still haven't read yet, lol).

Cinnamon Angel: Thanks for reviewing, nice name, hehe.  You're at Scouts right now :-\  Hope you're having more fun than I did camping.  I also hope your mom remembered to tape DA, you're my only link to Alec!!  When you get back and read this, I hope you like it!! :-) Come back soon, I have no one to be crazy with, lol...

Claire: Thanks for reviewing!!  New reader, yay!!!!  You were very patient and I'm sooooo sorry this took so long.  JK is totally horrible, I've decided, lol.  This is finally here, hope you like :-) (the next chapter should be lots longer :)

Angel of Death: Thanks for reviewing!!  I know, I went crazy with the Draco torture, lol.  The fifth book ::glares at it::  I can't even read it because of who dies.  I have to finish grieving first.  I hear the whole thing is quite dark so I'm kind of afraid.  Considering I write angst, I admit that's odd, but oh well, lol.  Don't worry about the ranting!!  I'm still doing it.  I actually ranted to my friends who don't read the books and have no idea who he is.  They already know I'm psycho, though, so it's all okay, hehe.

Rachel: Thanks for reviewing!!  Another new person!! ::happy dance::  Aww, you're so nice!!!  I agree, Draco is fascinating.  I love how he can either be redeemed or become dark and evil.  Hermione's temper will become even bigger later on, lol, I can't help it.  I know it took forever, but here's the update :-)  Also, thank you for telling Cinnamon how good her story is, she never believes me!!!  It's very frustrating... ;-)

Darcel: Thanks for reviewing!!  Yes, poor Draco and that will actually be one of the more tame sessions.

Koolcat:  Thanks fore reviewing!!  Wow, another new person ::big grin::  I made you cry? ::secret smile:: Ah, I can't help but love it when my story affects people :-) thank you!  I feel the same way, Lucius never should've been allowed to reproduce.  The stupid bastard (sorry, lol I really hate him).  Thank you again! :-D

Quidditch-playa-lover: Thanks for reviewing!!  Hi :-)  It's okay, how was Texas?  It was wicked hot here so I can only imagine how it was there.  I'm glad you're brave enough to read it ::guilty look::.  Aww, I made you cry, it's so odd for me to think of something I write being strong enough to do that.  It makes me so happy, lol.  Can't wait for your email :-)

Black Lupin: Thanks for reviewing!!  So many first time reviewers, my mouth hurts from smiling.  I just reviewed your story today, great chapter, by the way.  Sirius forever, lol ;-)  Ahh, if we all banded together we could hex her wicked bad, she deserves it ::glares at book yet again:: Sirius will show up eventually, I promise, in all his wonderful, loyal, brave and gorgeous glory :-D

~*This is my December  
This is my time of the year*~

Draco sluggishly lifted his eyelids to find himself in bed.  The last thing he remembered was the Verbero curse and passing out.  He assumed a house elf had put him in his room.  Lucius wasn't a choice since Draco was actually in the bed, under the covers, and not haphazardly thrown on the floor.

~*This is my December  
This is all so clear*~

Moving slightly, it was discovered that the house elf hadn't been allowed to tend to his injuries at all.  Big surprise there.  He warily eyed his bag with some healing potions and such that Snape provided him with.  It was in a corner of the room not quite near the bed.  Getting there would be hell, if he made it.  Steeling himself, Draco started to rise but shot back down with a gasp as the wounds on his torso and back ripped open again.  The sheet beneath him became sticky with blood.

~*This is my December  
This is my snow-covered home*~

"Just great", he grunted to himself and stared into the air, not sure who he was talking to, "I could use some help here".

"Master Draco needs something?" 

Draco jumped, jarring a few battered bones in the process, at Mory's query.  He hadn't heard any sort of *pop* signaling the elf's arrival.  Staring at Mory, he answered quietly, "I would like to get that bag over there, but I can't seem to make it".

"Mory is not supposed to help Master Draco's injuries", the elf apparently guessed what was in the bag.  He watched Draco's face fall slightly and remembered the horrible sounds coming from a certain room the previous night, "But Mory does not know what is in the bag.  It could be homework.  Mory wouldn't want to harm Master Draco's schoolwork", he smiled a little and brought the bag over to Draco.

Draco's eyes widened, a house elf was defying Lucius for him?  A pang of guilt (damn the new emotion) hit him though and he hesitated in taking the bag, "Are you sure?  If he finds out..."

~*This is my December*~

Now Mory was shocked.  Someone was showing concern for him?  Sure, Master's wife was nice enough, but she didn't come out into the open much.  His smile widened, "Mory is sure.  Master Draco is Mory's master too", and with that he **popped** away.

'Take that, Lucius', Draco thought to himself with a tiny smirk as he took out a potion.  After downing it, he grimaced, it tasted awful.  He hoped Snape had given him one he had made, not any of those Gryffindors.  Not a potion maker in the whole batch of them.  Well, Granger was all right, he grudgingly admitted, but she was good at everything.  Try as he might, Draco just couldn't beat her.  Lucius hated that. 

~*This is me alone*~

'Hm, maybe she's useful after all, if she pisses Lucius off', Draco thought idly while grabbing his wand (which was conveniently on his bedside table).   He healed the shallower wounds and concealed everything else.  The potion he took would just about get him through to the time when he would arrive at Hogwarts.  Then in was Snape's job to figure out what to do with him.

Draco flinched a bit, much as he tried no to, as he reflected that the potion wouldn't do anything if Lucius decided to take another shot at him.

_"You survived last night"._

'You again.  I want to forget last night'

~*And I  
Just wish that  
I didn't feel*~

_"You can't.  Not yet.  You have to remember it, it and every other one to keep you strong.  You can forget when it's all over"_

'What if by then I can't forget?'

~*Like there was  
Something I missed*~

_"I'm sure we can find someone to Obliviate you"_

'How comforting'.

As he (slowly) got dressed, Draco just kept telling himself,  "Just a little while long, a little bit and you'll be..." Well, not home.  Draco didn't have a home; even Hogwarts was just a cold common room and a building full of people who hated him.  

~*And I  
Take back all  
The things I said*~

He picked it up again, "You'll be..."

_"Not here"_, the voice supplied.

Draco nodded, "And that's all that matters".

~*To make you  
Feel like that*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

~*And I  
Just wish that  
I didn't feel*~

There were two good surprises awaiting Draco downstairs.  One was that Lucius was out (more than likely meeting with Voldemort or other Deatheaters).  The other was Narcissa sitting at the breakfast table, skin unblemished.  Logically, he knew that beneath the spells she was just as battered as he was under his.  But not seeing helped him a little and he figured it helped her too.

~*Like there was  
Something I missed*~

"Good morning, dear", Narcissa smiled at him as he walked in.

"Morning, Mum", He smiled back, amazed (as he always was) at the level of comfort when Lucius wasn't there.

Sitting down, he winced as a part of his leg hit the chair leg.  Lucius had found that spot awfully fun to kick, for some reason.  His mother saw it and immediately lost her smile.  Draco saw her open her mouth and cut her off, "Mum, I don't want to talk about it.  Please".  Narcissa hesitated, but nodded and regained her smile, weak as it had become.

So mother and son spent a day that was very rare for them.  The black shadow over them for the moment was gone, it was remarkable how one absence could mean so much.  Neither spoke of their scars or bruises, both content for the time to ignore that part of their lives.  It was, always had been, their way of surviving.  Everyone finds their own method; Narcissa and Draco's was denial.

Unfortunately, the bubble they'd encased themselves in shattered when the monster returned.  To be more correct: an angry monster.  Feared more than Voldemort himself in the Malfoy manor, he swept in and overwhelmed...

~*And I  
Take back all the  
Things I said to you*~

"Draco!"

He heard his father's shout and cursed fate.  It was bad enough Lucius had come back at all, but mad?  Things were going rapidly downhill.

Narcissa put a hand on his shoulder, "Honey-"

"Go upstairs, Mum", Draco said quietly.

"Draco", she started, but he shook his head.

"He's mad at me, you being here won't change that.  You'll just get hurt too.  I don't want to have to worry about that".

With a resigned sigh, she hugged him quick and tight and walked upstairs, once again feeling what a failure she was.

~*And I give it all away*~

Lucius stormed into the room right as she left.  'At least something worked right', Draco told himself before looking lazily at his father, "Yes?"

"The Dark Lord is still a bit upset over last night", the older man ground out, his face flushed with fury.

Draco guessed Voldemort had Cruioed him again or something and Lucius blamed his son.  'Not my fault your master holds a grudge', he thought to himself before answering, "I'm sorry".

"Sorry", Lucius repeated quietly.  Suddenly he struck out and Draco fell back a little, but stayed on his feet, "Apologies do not satisfy Voldemort!"

~*Just to have somewhere  
To go to*~

"Well what do you want me to do?" Draco rubbed his jaw as he muttered his question.  Not that it was likely there was an answer...

"Be better", was the harsh reply.

~*Give it all away*~

"Could you _be_ more vague?" The anger left over from the night before made Draco forget to watch his tongue.

_"You said that out loud"_, the voice told him softly.

'I know', he whispered back, waiting for Lucius' response.

~*To have someone  
To come home to*~

It was quite frightening when it came.  His lips curled up in amusement as he calmed down a bit and said casually, "Fight this.  _Imperio_"

'Shit'.  Draco swiftly felt like he was floating, his pains forgotten.  Every thought was nice and blurry, a welcome change from the usual pounding.  

_"He said FIGHT it!"_ He heard the voice's scream, it seemed faint and far away, but he heard it.  Draco started to make his mind work.  He remembered 4th year when that Mad Eye (well, Crouch) went over the Unforgivables and Potter beat the Imperious.  'If Potter can, so can I', Draco told himself and tried to focus.  

~*This is my December  
These are my snow-covered dreams*~

His hatred of man who issued it helped a bit as he ordered himself, 'You've listened to him your whole life, do something right for once!'  He felt a bit more in control at that so continued to berate himself, driving harder, 'You are useless, prove to him that's wrong!  Do you want to fail??  You've don't that so much already!  Now, dammit, BEAT THIS!"  His energy was draining quickly, but the last order gave the push he needed and Draco broke away.  He stood as straight as he could, considering, and walked around the room, displaying his freedom.  

~*This is me pretending  
This is all I need*~

Every step was like have Hagrid standing on his foot but he wouldn't allow himself to stop.  Finally, he looked Lucius in the eye, "Done".

Lucius, for his part, was in shock.  Angry shame also accompanied that since he himself had never been able to fight the Imperious.  

~*And I  
Just wish that  
I didn't feel  
Like there was  
Something I missed*~

He narrowed his hard eyes at his son, "Don't get too smug, boy", his lips curled again as he threw Draco into the wall with his wand and walked out of the room without looking back.

Barely having enough power to blink, Draco certainly couldn't get up after being flung like that.  The wall was hard.  Shutting his eyes, he stayed right where he was and tried to ignore the injuries that had been awoken again by impact.

~*And I  
Take back all  
The things I said  
To make you feel like that*~

_"He's angry because he knows you're stronger than him"_, the voice informed him.

'The 'why' doesn't really matter at this point, does it?' Draco couldn't stop that dark thought and he curled slightly, so exhausted.  One thought wouldn't leave him, however: 'I fought it'.

~*And I  
Just wish that  
I didn't feel  
Like there was  
Something I missed*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

~*And I  
Take back all the things  
I said to you*~

Draco was supposed to floo to Hogsmead after it started to get dim and walk up to Hogwarts from there, meeting Snape at the gates.  There was a slight problem, however: Draco couldn't walk.  So, Lucius floated his son through the flooing process and up to his old school.  As usual, he wasn't extremely careful and Draco acquired a few more scratches on the way.  

~*And I give it all away  
Just to have  
Somewhere to go to*~

Severus looked up, surprised to see Lucius approaching him.  His stomach seemed to lurch as he noticed the blonde boy floating next to his ex friend.  

"_Stay calm_", his inner voice warned.

'CALM?!' he couldn't help yelling back at it.

_"Do you really want to make matters worse?"_

Sev wondered how it could stay so sensible, but admitted it was right.  Thus, he resisted the urge to knock down the other man when Lucius finally reached the gates.

~*Give it all away  
To have someone  
To come home to*~

"We had a bit of..trouble", the blonde man told him with a smirk.

'Bastard', Sev thought to himself but nodded, "I see that".

"I trust you'll take care of this?" Lucius flicked a wrist at his son.

Severus nodded again and repeated the curse in his mind.  He took up the floating of Draco and said goodbye to Lucius.  While walking up to Hogwarts, he stared dejectedly at Draco.  Under the sadness simmered a strong anger.  Anger like he felt the night he saved that little girl.  He would have to watch himself and make sure he didn't let that fury boil over.  While the idea of beating Lucius to a bloody pulp was entertaining, it would ruin both his spying career and, quite possibly, Draco's life.

~*This is my December*~

Lupin and Dumbledore were waiting right inside the door, as Severus knew they would be.  Their eyes widened when they saw Draco even though they had expected he wouldn't be in the best shape.  The effort from the Imperious had destroyed him, taking off the concealing charms.  The whip wounds weren't visible because of his shirt, but blood was seeping through.  His face was a bloody, black and blue mess.  Limbs twisted in odd angles, even his white blonde hair was in disarray.

~*This is my time of the year*~

"Severus?" Remus asked quietly.

Severus tried to control the glare that came naturally around the werewolf, he was helping Draco after all, as he answered, "We'll have to wait for him to wake up to get the whole story".

~*This is my December*~

The other men nodded, Dumbledore looking very grave.  The three walked to the opening to Severus' quarters, the headmaster stopping there and turning to his friends, "Do you two have what you need?"  At their nods, he looked to Draco and whispered softly, "Good luck, child".

Remus and Severus walked inside, dreading all the injuries they would find.  Dumbledore slowly made his way to his office, wondering why some things had to be the way they were.  None knew of the girl hiding under the invisibility cloak fighting back tears.

~*This is all so clear*~

A/N: Okay, so I shaved the last verse off the song, but it was long and I shoved enough in there, lol..  Anyway, there it is!!  Late but here.  kinda short too, to me anyway.  Anyway, next chapter is all in Hermione's POV and will be pretty long, I think.  I'm kind of at a loss for a song, I'd welcome any suggestions anyone has :-)  Please review, the more I know people like it, the faster I write ;-p


	15. Reluctant Savior

A/N: This whole one will be in Hermione's POV, starting right before she arrives to the Saturday detention to find Draco isn't there, dun dun dun,lol... Okay, I had tons of trouble finding a song, so finally fell on "Beauty and the Beast".  Yeah, I'm a dork, so sue me, lol.  I really like that movie, anyway :-)

Quidditch-playa-lover: Thanks for reviewing!  Hi!!  I just checked, but your story didn't show up yet, I'll review the minute I see it up :-) Poor Hermione, having to witness such a thing, it hits her really hard.  Hope you like this, talk to you later :-)

Ms. Padfoot: Thanks for reviewing!  Aww, thanks :-) I'm glad you like this.  Ah, it's so weird to hear people actually like my writing, you make me smile!!  I love her with Draco or Ron.  I'm sorry, I can't read the Sev/Hermion stories, the age difference is too much for me.  Argh, I hate her with Harry too!!!!  They seem too "brother-sister" for my tastes :-)  Hope Hermione's POV lives up to expectations.

Claire: Thanks for reviewing!  Hehe, this update is much quicker :-D  Awww, you poor girl!!!!  I only had to do it for a few days, I think I would die if I had to put up with it as long as you!  Stay strong :-)

Katja: Thanks for reviewing!  LoL, yes, Draco is much stronger.  Stupid weak Lucius.  I can never stand Lucius, I hated him in the books then even more so after reading some fanfic and seeing the 2nd movie.  I've read a couple of stories where he's nice and I like them, but it seems odd to me.  Always poor Draco, our broken Dragon :'(  Narcissa's life does really suck, but she'll have her moment.  Thank you!!  I love doing the songs so it makes me extra happy when people say I do them well.  Being the perfectionist I am, I sometimes spend hours trying to find the right song.  Yes, I know I'm pathetic and have no life, lol ;-p  Ah, I love that quote!!  I agree, it goes very well with Draco.  Here's the chapter (and much sooner than the last one, lol) Hope you like :-D

Koolcatt: Thanks for reviewing!  My fave part about him fighting the curse is how useless it makes Lucius feel.  I'm so evil, lol.  I keep telling myself I'm going to read the 5th book, but I'm so nervous because of the death and it makes me so mad!!  I don't count Wormtail either..ahh, poor Remus :-(  ::glares at book::

Darcel: Thanks for reviewing!  Yes, I couldn't do another chapter as brutal as 13 right away, I might've exploded, lol.  I haven't really thought about any other couples.  There might be hints of Harry and Ginny.  Wow, I never thought of Harry and Pansy before.  I'm always open to suggestions :-)

Catmint: Thanks for reviewing!  Yay, another new person :-D  Thank you for the correction, I have issues with spelling a lot of the time, lol :-)

Outstanding.  In a little bit I get to spend more time with my very best friend.  And I'm feeling very sarcastic if my last thought is any indication.  Then again, I haven't exactly held my tongue around him lately, so why would I now?  I rather like telling him off, to be truthful.  It's irritating to hold such things in.  Besides, I could never let him push me around.

~*Tale as old as time*~

The thing is, and this is what truly drives me crazy, he won't leave my mind!!  I can understand thinking about him during detention, he's right there after all.  But outside of it? When I walk down the halls with Harry and Ron talking, I see his face in my mind.  His face while having those awful attacks.  He's not the kind to ask for help, I wonder if anyone is forcing it on him?  Somehow I doubt it.  

~*True as it can be*~

The only one I can think who might actually give a damn is Snape.  And he's not exactly the nurturing type, I expect.  Maybe I could...

No!  What am I thinking?  He is virtually made of ice!  With no heart, what can one expect?  And he is heartless, I know this.  But guilt is tugging at me.  Can I just sit and watch him be torn apart?

I have to!  This is the boy who has tormented my friends and I from the first second.  He's made fun of Harry's scar, Ron's lack of money, my ancestry.  How could I help someone who has persisted in calling me "mudblood" since 2nd year?!

~*Barely even friends*~

But he didn't last time.  He stopped himself.  Why?  So many questions.  I still don't even know why he has detention in the first place.  And what is so important about tonight?  He'll be at detention...won't he?  My head hurts.  Yet another thing that Slytherin has inflicted on me.  I just want him out of my life!  My mind!

Deep breaths.  After this week of detention, I can go back to ignoring him as much as possible.  There will be no reason to see each other outside of class.  The "why"s won't matter anymore.  They shouldn't matter now.

Oops, Ron asked me a question.  "What?"

He sighs, I've been zoning out a lot lately, damn Dr- Malfoy, "What creature are you going study for Hagrid's class?"

"Dragon", I answer absently.  Wait..I am?  Since when?  I haven't decided yet.  Then why did I answer?  Dammit.  The assignment Ron's talking about was given the other day.  We have to choose a creature and look it up as much as possible.  In class we're going to go over the different ones everyone's chosen.  Hagrid thought it would be a good way for everyone to know a little bit about a number of creatures.

"Hagrid will love that", Harry laughed, remembering the incident in 1st year with Norbert.

That makes me smile, Hagrid and his love for the dangerous ones is sweet... even if a bit scary.  It's not as if anyone really ever gets hurt.  I lose my smile when I remember when Malfoy tried to get Hagrid fired because of the Buckbeak accident.  I wonder if he'll choose the hippogriff just to bring that up again.  Or maybe he'll use his name, after all, Draco in Latin means...I gulp as it processes through my brain... it means dragon.  Damn.

~*Then somebody bends  
Unexpectedly*~

~~~~~~~~~~~'

My stomach becomes increasingly uneasy as I get closer to the Potions classroom.  What is wrong with me?  I feel like that crazy Trelawney, looking for dark omens everywhere.  Everything is going to be fine.  I will get to detention, Draco will be there, we'll both attempt murder while cleaning on the side, Snape will come back and make some sardonic comment and the night will end.  I'll worry about the fact that all that is normal later.

Slowly opening the thick door, I finally enter to see... Snape.  I look around, there's no irritating blonde boy in the room.  My troubled stomach becomes even more soon.  Something is definitely wrong.

~*Just a little change*~

"Hasn't he already?" His question comes to my mind, and the broken way he said it.  Who is this mysterious 'he'?  How has he won?  If he has what does that mean for the loser?  My head is hurting again.

"You will be alone this evening and the next, Ms. Granger".

I look to Snape after this statement, surprised at his lack of disdain in his tone.  There is an edge but it seems to be more of... fear?  He looks rather strained, although I know he's trying to hide it.  What is he so nervous about?  Draco?

"Where is he?" It slips out before I can stop myself.  My voice is low and I wonder if he even heard me.

~*Small to say the least*~

He looks slightly taken aback that I actually care (which I don't, it's merely curiosity) and I think he is going to tell me to mind my own business.  However, he gives an answer, "Mr. Malfoy had some personal business to attend to at home", he hesitates, "He will return tomorrow night but after the detention".  

Why is he telling me all this?  He doesn't seem to know why either and has a slightly confused expression as he sweeps out.  Personal business...I muse as I idly start cleaning flasks.  At home.  With his family.  I try to recall a picture of his parents to my mind.  His father, my eyes narrow at the thought, I well remember seeing him in Flourish and Blott's in second year.  The way he looked at my parents, the scorn in his voice when he spoke to Mr. Weasley of the company he kept.  His mother, though... I vaguely remember seeing her the summer before 4th year at the Quidditch tournament.  She looked like I would expect Lucius' wife to look like, a frozen beauty.  But, something tugs at my memory, there was something... her eyes.  There was..what?  Pain?  Something more?

~*Both a little scared*~

Far as I know, Draco doesn't have any siblings so I assume it is just he and his parents at his home.  Is this "he" Lucius?  It isn't hard to imagine that man to be someone to fear.  But what is happening that would put that...hopelessness... in Draco's voice?

My stomach has gotten to the point where I want to throw up.  There is, without a doubt, something huge I am missing.  And it's gone past curiosity, I admit it, I'm worried now.  I'm worried about him.  I've said it.  It's not so abnormal, right?  I mean, it's only human to feel compassion for others...even if that other isn't human himself.

I sigh, human or not, the damn Prince of Slytherin needs help.

~*Neither one prepared*~

I concentrate on cleaning as there is nothing I can do about it now, but I feel more ill as time goes by.  Every body part hurts and I cannot imagine why.  I've not done any strenuous work.  I suppose I've caught something.  I could go see Pompfrey, but she will make a matter out of nothing, so I'll just wait for it to pass.

When Snape returns, he seems even paler and more nervous than before.  Seeing my state, he looks at me oddly.  Thankfully, he doesn't ask any questions and just dismisses me as usual.  It looks like neither of us will have a very good sleep...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

I wake up yet again, clamping my hand over my mouth to stop the scream.  It was awful, the nightmare... I shudder.  The other times, I would just get a sense of dread and I'd be jolted out of sleep.  This time, though, I had no such luck.  The feeling of dread came, but it was followed by screams.  Oh god, so many screams.  My head is aching more than it ever has before and I can't get them out of my head!  I couldn't see anything but blurry objects moving around very quickly.  Just those shouts of agony, so intense it was as if I too were in pain.  And under them, it makes goose bumps break out, under them was laughter.  I don't know who was so tortured, who was laughing, I know nothing but those screams.

~*Beauty and the Beast*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

The rest of the night pretty much followed that pattern.  A few jolts, then full out horror and back again.  I spent more time curled up, tears silently rolling, then actually sleeping.  I'm sure I look like hell this morning.  I don't really care, to be honest.  I want to know where that nightmare came from, another mystery in my batch.  

My body aches from the lack of rest and all this tension.  I wince slightly while approaching Harry and Ron in the common room.  I gratefully fall into a chair, letting it envelope me.  My friends look at me with wide eyes full of concern.

Ron, ever tactful, speaks first, "What happened to you?!"

~*Ever just the same*~

I raise an eyebrow and Harry elbows him before trying himself, "What he means is, are you okay?"

"A regular ray of sunshine", I answer, smiling a little, "Don't worry, just a little trouble sleeping".

Now they look suspicious, wonderful.  Harry asks, "Are you sure?"

Ron nods, " Sure you shouldn't see Madame Pompfrey?"

"Very sure", I answer firmly, "I promise I'll go if it keeps up, but it's nothing to get worked up over yet".

I can tell they're still worried, poor guys, but they nod reluctantly.  I really need to get their minds off of it so propose a game of Wizard's Chess, Ron can never turn it down.  We play and he quickly beats me, I never was very good at it, especially compared to him.  Then Harry goes against him.  As they go, he talks about a new path he wants to explore with the Marauder's Map.  He's had it since 3rd year, but there always seems to be a new corridor we never saw before on it.  He mentions that we'll have to use the invisibility cloak... the cloak!!  The answer to my questions!  Well, the tool to finding the answers anyway.  Snape said Draco is returning tonight, sometime after the detention.  I just have to get the cloak and watch the doors.  I'll wait for however long it takes, not like I'm going to sleep anyway.  I don't know exactly what I'll be looking for, but anything will be more than what I have presently.  Now, to get the cloak...

"Harry?" He makes a "hmm" sound of acknowledgement while contemplating his next move, "Would you mind if I used the cloak tonight?"

He makes his move and then looks at me, "Course not.  What do you need it for?"  Ron looks up curiously too.

Ah, here's the tough part.  I can hardly tell them that it's needed as part of my plan to uncover Draco Malfoy's life.  

~*Ever a surprise*~

Somehow I don't think they'll react to that well.  I hate having to lie to my best friends, but... "Studying, you know me.  I need to look in the restricted section".

They take that as truth right away, intensifying my guilt, and turn back to the game as Ron asks, "You want us to come?"

"No, it's okay, I'll be pretty quick".  I inwardly sigh with relief.  This better be worth it...

~*Ever as before*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Oh, this isn't good.  Not only have I not gotten better, but I'm worse.  There's this giant rock in my stomach and I feel the urge to cry.  What the hell is wrong with me?  Doing what I do best, I look up some medical books in the library.  There's nothing there to help me.  What can I do when not even books offer a solution?

~*Ever just as sure  
As the sun will rise*~

Harry and Ron keep getting more worried.  I swayed when walking and it took 10 minutes to convince them not to get Pompfrey.  Now, more than ever, I can't go to her.  She might make me stay and I need to follow through with my plan.  Thus, I will deal with these small discomforts.  Can't get any worse, right?

I walk down the hallway, wanting some time away from my friends' concerned eyes.  Not sure where I'm going, but I can't sit still.  Uh oh.  My eyes are getting blurry.  No, I can't get dizzy here!  If I get dizzy, I may fall; if I fall, someone will see; if someone sees, I'll be brought to Pompfrey.  Come on.  I try to steady myself, unconsciously putting a hand to the wall.  I close my eyes and take a deep breath.  It's nothing.

~*Tale as old as time*~

"Ms. Granger?"

I jump at Snape's voice.  This really sucks.  With a sigh I open my eyes and look up at him, "Yes, sir?"

"Are you all right?" He looks a bit lost, like last night.

I hardly think he really cares, but, "Yes, just a little tired".

~*Tune as old as song*~

"You looked about to faint", he points out.

Ah, why does he keep asking questions?  It's not like it would matter to him if I did anyway, "I'm fine, really Professor".

Finally he nods and walks away.  Talking seemed to help clear my mind and the spell has passed.  While not feeling great, at least it's not as if I'll drop right this second.

Draco and Snape not being total jerks and me going out of my way to help Mr. Pureblood.  The whole world has gone crazy..

~*Bittersweet and strange*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

~*Finding you can change*~

I ate dinner under the threat that if I didn't, Pompfrey would be called in.  Pushed around more than ate, really.  Still, though, there is now something in my stomach and it doesn't like that.

At dinner, Dumbledore, Snape and Lupin seemed very tense.  Snape more than the others.  I don't think he ate anything either.  Somehow I feel they're all troubled over the same thing.  Or, maybe, the same person?

I trudge to the classroom.  Can't even walk now, I'm trudging.  I want to throw up until there's nothing left, everything feels so ill.  I'm exhausted and look it.  Maybe after tonight I'll go to Pompfrey, just as I see what is being so carefully hidden.

Snape is sitting at his desk with his head in his hands when I arrive.  I know he'll hate that I see him like this, but I can't just stand here.  I lightly knock on the door to get his attention.

~*Learning you were wrong*~

He quickly looks up and seeing me, relaxes a little.  What was he expecting?  After seeming to notice my condition, his eyes widen, "Are you sure you can do this, Ms. Granger?"

Oh my god.  Go check, I'm sure Voldemort is turning himself in right now.  Fudge is out admitting his presence and assembling troops.  Lucius Malfoy is taking parenting classes.  Peeves and McGonagall are declaring themselves a couple.  Severus Snape is offering a Gryffindor a way out of detention.

"Yes, sir, I'm sure", I choke a bit in my shock.

He looks doubtful but doesn't push any further.  After muttering something about organizing things, he's gone.  He too looked like he was going to lose his dinner.  Maybe what I have is going around.

I organize without really seeing what I'm touching.  Most things are a blur and I'm so damn tired.  I would wish to pass out if tonight wasn't so important.  It's so quiet in here alone.  Odd, I almost miss the tossing of insults.  At least it provided some amusement.  Oh dear, I must really be sick.  First I'm worrying about him and now (in a way) I'm missing him.  There is something seriously wrong with that.

~*Certain as the sun  
Rising in the east*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

I've watched Lupin and Dumbledore wait at that door so long I've lost count.  A million times I've almost fallen asleep, but nosiness is keeping me up.  When I got here, Snape was just walking out.  Is he going to meet Draco at the gates or something?  Maybe down in Hogsmead?

The Headmaster looks frighteningly grave, especially for a man who's always smiling.  Lupin, always tired looking to begin with, is even worse and continues to pace around in anxiety.  Their actions make me even more nervous about what I'm going to observe.  Snape, on the other hand, seemed a bit better when he came back to the classroom.  Also, when leaving the castle, looked a little happier.  I suppose he's happy Draco is returning?  I shudder to think what can be happening to him that would induce all these reactions.

~*Tale as old as time  
Song as old as rhyme*~

Just as my eyelids start to droop down again, I hear the large doors opening and my eyes spring open.  The sight that meets them literally makes my mouth drop open.  I want to scream, but no sound comes out.  I think Snape wants to murder someone, by his expression, and I don't blame him.  Small tears form as I look at His Majesty.

~*Beauty and the Beast*~

Draco is being floated, as he is unconscious.  I see blood soaking through his clothes and running down his face.  His face, always so arrogant and perfect.  It looks like a mine field.  I wonder if he'll even be able to open his eyes when he awakens because of the bruising.  The ever slicked white blonde hair is unruly and flecked with crimson.  I bite my lip, gagging a little, as I wonder if he's even still breathing.  I look closely...yes, his chest is moving.  Slowly, but still moving.  I never thought I'd be so relieved to see him, of all people, alive.

~*Tale as old as time  
Song as old as rhyme*~

Thankfully my crying is silent, I hate to think what they'd do if they found me now.  I hear the three talking quietly, but the words are lost as I cannot tear my gaze from the hovering body.  My eyes stay fixed on it as they move away, toward the dungeons.  When they are no longer in sight, I crumple to the floor, leaning against the cold wall.  I have no energy to go back to my rooms yet.  

But how to get more information?  A rebel house elf with a love for socks comes to mind.  I believe I'll pay a visit to the kitchens tomorrow.

One thing is certain, I cannot ignore what I have just seen.  Nor can I forget it.  I doubt Draco will like me prying in, but that's just too damn bad.  Something must be done, whether the Prince wants to or not.

~*Beauty and the Beast*~

A/N: I'm guesing everyone knows the elf she speaks of? lol... Please review!!!!  Tell me if you like it, what you don't like, anything.  If you have any suggestions, or things you want to see in it (however random, lol) please tell me, I'll take anything into consideration :-D


	16. A Dragon's Tears

A/N: Wow.  I can't believe this is chapter 16...and that people are still reading!!!  Thank you all!!  I like long stories so I'm not sure when this story will be over, but it won't be for a while.  I hope you all continue to stick around and thanks again for reading!  Guess what!  I started the 5th book and already hate Harry, it's gonna be a tough read... Hey everyone, Quidditch-playa-lover just posted a story Beautiful Dreamer, it's Hr/D.  Much lighter than this story and well written.  It's her first story here and really good, I laughed tons.  Hehe, I felt the need to mention it because I really like it and I'm her beta so I wanted to show my support.

Quidditch-playa-lover: Thanks for reviewing!  Exactly!!  And Hermione gets to tame him, lucky girl, lol.  Lucius ::growl::  I'm thinking of doing another chapter in his POV soon, his thoughts while torturing his son during the session and such.  Going to be awfully dark.  Hehe, I'm gonna try to work a sword somewhere into this story, can't help it!  And it won't be Godric's ;-)  Sarcasm is a beautiful thing, lol.

Claire: Thanks for reviewing!  Don't worry a bit.  There is no possible way I could make Draco super duper nice, I like his other side way too much!!  Hermione's agreed (with herself, lol) to help him, but she's not happy about it.  And Draco won't be either.  They'll slowly become friends, then more, so it'll be a while.  And, throughout it, they'll keep their personalities :-)  

Ms. Padfoot: Thanks for reviewing! Aww, thank you!!  Yes, you are right on target :-)  When Hermione eventually finds out what really happened with Draco that saturday night, her 'sickness' will make much more sense to her :-D

Darcel: Thanks for reviewing!  I'd love any suggestions :-) I'm in the process of reading the 5th book, but don't worry about mentioning something that's in it or anything.  I already know everything from reading summaries and asking people (I had to know what I was getting into it, lol).

Koolcat: Thanks for reviewing!  Eek, I know, it has to be horrible to witness something like that.  She's already having nightmares so I can't imagine how much worse they'll get (and I really can't since I haven't decided yet, lol).  I love Dobby!

Katja: Thanks for reviewing!  I want to make my chapters long, but I keep finding good spots to cut off at, like this one, it's awfully short (to me, anyway).  lol, goofballs are fun, think Fred and George :-)  I never thought about Hermione and Draco together till I started to read fanfic and then fell in love with it for some reason.  Glad you like it in this story :-)   I love Disney movies!!  They rock.  I know, I get weird looks because of the whole being 16 and watchin them too, but I'll love them no matter how old I am ::stomps foot::  And since I'll be 5 forever, that works, lol.  Ohh, snitch!!  Pretty :-)  hehe, I love randomness.

I feel like putting in a disclaimer because I'm bored: Considering how many people are out to get her because of the 5th book, I proudly proclaim I'm not Her.  I no longer like her HP world, for a world without Sirius and with Umbridge just plain sucks.  Thus, this is my world, the characters belong to She Who Shall Not Be Named but the plot be mine.  ::evil laugh:: Basically?  Don't sue me, it's really not worth it.

~~~~Sevvy's POV~~~~

~*Why does it feel like night today?  
Something in here's not right today…*~

I wonder how long one gets in Azkaban for murder.  Maybe if the victim is a deatheater it doesn't matter?  I'm sure there are many who wouldn't mind seeing Lucius' demise.  Narcissa can throw a party; there'd actually be laughter in that manor.  Perhaps if I don't use an Unforgivable, it won't be so bad.  I can get a nice dull sword so it wouldn't be over quick.  Can't disappoint Mr. Pain and Torture...

"Severus?" 

That blasted werewolf knocks me from my thoughts.  All right, not so 'blasted' considering he's helping.  But old habits die hard.

"How's he doing?"  I had left Lupin to watch Draco while I worked on some more potions.  Needed to get the sight off of my mind, it didn't work so well.

~*Why am I so uptight today?*~

"The last one you gave him seems to be working, I saw him move", he looks hopeful.

Forgetting my whole "controlled professor" image, I jump up and race to the bed we transfigured in front of the fireplace.  While he's been out, we've been performing little spells, healing bones and such.  When he wakes up Draco should be feeling relatively well.  A few aches, but most of the damage has been fixed.  It helps a little not to see his face so battered...not much though...

I suppose I don't look so well either, if that Granger girl's reactions have been anything to go by.  She seemed pretty ill as well.  Okay, more than 'pretty', very.  She probably thinks I've cracked.  

"_Being human doesn't mean you're cracked_"

For me it does.  Actually expressing some sort of concern in the hallway.  Merlin, I can't believe I offered her a way out of detention.  This whole fiasco must be affecting me worse than I thought.  

~*Paranoia's all I got left*~

I'm still not sure why I told her so much about Draco.  Maybe it was the worry in her voice... but why would a Gryffindor (and that one out of them all) care what happens to Draco?  Much as I despise the house, I must admit the boy could use some more people on his side.

"Professor?"

I jolt and look down at the weak voice.  Draco's eyes are heavy and he still looks exhausted, but he's awake.  I smile at him and turn to call to Lupin, "He's up".

~~~~~Draco's POV~~~~~

I'm not at the manor.  I'm not with Lucius.  Those are my first thoughts as I open my eyes to see Snape.  

~*don't know what stressed me first  
Or how the pressure was fed / but*~

Relief floods me and I can feel the tension leave my body.  My body that's not so battered as it was before.  No more broken bones and I can no longer feel the slices on my back and front.  Sort of like how my mother would come and help me, but I don't have to worry about Lucius beating Snape for it.  I hear footsteps and look to see Lupin approaching.  I guess it's time to admit the guy isn't so bad, huh?

"_Gee, you think?"_

~*I know just what it feels like  
To have a voice in the back of my head*~

"Would you like something to eat?" He asks with a small smile.

The last time I ate was breakfast with Mum, so I nod.  He summons a house elf as Snape turns to me.  There's so much worry in his gaze I'm in shock.  I don't know if I'll ever get used to this people caring about me thing.

~*It's like a face that I hold inside*~

"_Am I EVER going to get through to you?_"

Probably not.

~*A face that awakes when I close my eyes*~

"How did it go?" He sounds like he would really rather not hear the answer.

I don't want to think about it, "It was fine".

Snape raises an eyebrow, "Yeah, right.  The truth please", I stay silent, "I know it's hard to think about, but we have to know.  It might help to talk about it".

~*A face watches every time I lie*~

I don't believe that but have a feeling he's not going to stop until I answer.  With a sigh, I sit up a little in the bed just as Lupin comes back with a tray of food.  Seeing me prepare to talk, he sets it on a table with a spell to keep it warm.  I suppose he wants to hear too since he seats himself in a chair and waits for me to begin.  Well this is going to be fun...

"The session wasn't so bad.  Voldemort did very little damage.  The normal blasts, a Cruciatus", both their eyes narrow at this, "I managed to stand during it", a light of approval enters Snape's expression and it's a little easier to talk about, "Then he shot something that cut me.  He was all angry that I didn't block it.  All though, now that I think of it, the reason he put the Cruciatus on me was because I blocked a spell and got him with one.  Stupid Dark Lord, doesn't even know what he wants".  I'm babbling.  Hm, something new everyday.

I can see Lupin's lips twitch and Snape coughs into his hand.  At least I provide amusement.  

~*A face that laughs every time I fall  
(And watches everything)*~

I roll my eyes and continue, "He asked why I didn't block it and I..." Suddenly I remember promising not to antagonize Voldemort.  Oops, "And I apologized.  Lucius got mad that I wasn't totally perfect and inflicted the rest of the injuries you saw", Snape looks suspicious, what would get their attention?  Oh yeah, "And this morning, he put the Imperius on me and I fought it.  That's why I blacked out."

I can see pride in his expression at the mention of the Imperius but he still says, "I don't believe you".

I raise an eyebrow much like he did earlier at Snape's statement, "About what?"

"When Voldemort asked you why, what did you say?"

Annoyingly cynical professor, can't even take my word for something.

_"Well, you did lie"_

~*So I know that when it's time to sink or swim  
That the face inside is hearing me / right beneath my skin*~

Technicality.  

I sigh, "In my head, I said something to myself like, 'I just got Crucio'd, you couldn't even handle a baby'", their eyes widen, "It wasn't till he said something that I realize I'd said it out loud by accident", I hear two gasps.  Oh yes, Draco did something stupid.  How very surprising.

~*It's like I'm / paranoid lookin' over my back*~

_"Oh shut up, I don't feel like listening"_

No one's asking you to stay!  

"So you gave a sarcastic retort to the Dark Lord", Snape massaged his temples, "I thought we discussed this?"

"It's not like I did it on purpose!  Hell, if I knew what it was going to make Lucius do..." I stop myself, feeling emotion rise up.  Whatever else I'm changing about myself, this will not.  I do not get emotional.  Things happen, I deal with them.  Dwelling does no good.

~*It's like a / whirlwind inside of my head*~

"What exactly did he do?" He asks softly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Lupin quietly leave.  My hand fists with the effort not to start yelling, I close my eyes and evenly explain it to Snape, "Voldemort got angry at Lucius for my outburst.  He put the Cruciatus on him.  Besides that, Lucius was humiliated.  You know how important image is to him", I open my eyes again to see his nod.  Lucius grabbing my arm, being back at the manor, the yelling...As the memories hit I feel a little detached and hear as I relate, in sickening detail, that night...

~*It's like I / can't stop what I'm hearing within*~

~~~~~Sevvy again~~~~~

Mustn't go kill Lucius, mustn't kill him... Why the bloody hell not?!

"_You're not exactly helping the situation_"

~*It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin*~

Do you blame me?  I want to throw up after listening to Draco....

"He kept kicking me"..."Threw things".... "_Verbero_".... little snatches keep running through my mind.  How horrible is it that the freaking Dark Lord is less of a threat to Draco than his own father?

He told all of it in a monotone voice, betraying no hint of feeling.  I know I'm not one to talk, but him bottling these things up isn't good.  One day it could explode and we would lose him to hatred.  Therefore, he is going to talk... Merlin, I'm going to hate this just as much as him...

~*I know I've got a face in me  
points out all the mistakes to me*~

"Draco, how do you feel?" The words feel strange coming from my mouth.

He shrugs, "You two healed most of it, I'm pretty good".

"I don't mean physically.  You went through hell this weekend, you have to have some thoughts on it".

~*You've got a face on the inside too and*~

Another shrug, "It happened".

And, of course, he can't make it easy.  Do I really have to do this?  I could go unwind, make a potion, mark down a Gryffindor essay, and let Draco rest.  I almost give in and walk away, but something stops me.  While awaiting my response he looks at me and, no matter how he tries to hide it, there's such fear in his eyes.  I can't just leave him drowning in that, "You can't ignore it".

~*Your paranoia's probably worse*~

"Why not?" He answers harshly, then seems surprised at his reaction.

"Because it'll eat you alive", my eyes darken for a moment, "Trust me, I know".

~*I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand*~

"The little girl", he softly states.

A scream enters my head and I shake it away with a swift nod.  Now's the time to deal with his demons, not mine, "Just vent.  It helps".

"_Maybe you can fight both_", the voice injects, but I ignore it.

"Vent about what?" Draco begins, still quietly, "About the fact that my own father wants me dead?  How about the fact that I came home to find my mother unable to walk?!  Maybe how it's my fault, because that bastard wanted me to see her like that!  Or we could go into those nice little torture sessions that I'm booked for with the 'great' Dark Lord himself!  I know!  We could discuss Lucius' love of hearing me scream, the scars I have everywhere!"  By the end, he is yelling and I see his eyes have become rather shiny.  He wipes them roughly, "And how he's right about me being weak, those bloody attacks!"

~*Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is  
I can't add up to what you can but*~

Somehow I don't think he's talking about the attacks from Lucius, "Attacks?"

He seems to just realize what he said and quickly explains, "You know, his usual and everything".

"What is it with you and lying?"

With a glare, he responds, "Ugh.  It's nothing.  Just a few, I don't know, panic attacks or whatever".

"Explain them".

I can tell he doesn't want to, but he tells me, "My chest gets tight, hard to breathe, I start sweating, get dizzy, sometimes close to blacking out".

~*Everybody has a face that they hold inside*~

"When do they come?"

"Most of the times I think about Lucius", he wipes his eyes again.

~*A face that awakes when they close their eyes*~

"Can you fight them?"

"I can manage to push them back after a little bit.  The only time I could totally stop it was on the way to Hogsmead. I", he coughs, "I didn't want to find out what Lucius would think of them".

I nod, once again damning that monster in my head, "If they get worse, or if you can't deal with them, come to me for a calming potion, all right?"  He nods, staring at his lap, "It's nothing to be ashamed of Draco", silence, "And your outburst was a good start.  I know you don't want to talk about them, I'm not much into the emotion thing myself", understatement, "But you've gotta let yourself feel or you'll end up empty, like Lucius".

~*A face watches every time they lie*~

I see him bite his lip at that before looking up at me defiantly, "Well aren't you the hypocrite".

Can't argue with him there, "I missed my moment.  You still have time, don't lose it".  

Draco continues to glare at me, but the moisture gathering is finally leaking out and I can see him trying to fight the tears back.  He says, very faintly, "I'm not supposed to cry".

~*A face that laughs every time they fall  
(And watches everything)*~

Ahh, what am I getting myself into??  Lupin needs to get back in here, he's good with all that gentle, comforting..stuff.  I don't know how to deal with feelings, why did I make him talk?  Taking a deep breath, I remember finding him that night on the Quidditch pitch.  I maintain that I'm not enough to help him...

"_But you're all he's got_"

Dammit, the stupid voice is right.  

~*So you know that when it's time to sink or swim  
That the face inside is watching you too / right inside your skin*~

I shrug, "So it would annoy Lucius?"

He nods, still desperately trying to stop.

"Then I say go right ahead".

Draco looks a little shocked but I see a weak smile pass over his face.  The tears come faster and he draws his knees up and places his head down on them.  I (very) awkwardly put a hand on his shoulder.  Take that, Lucius.

~*The sun goes down  
I feel the light betray me*~

A/N:  Yeah, yeah it was short, but I needed to get it outta the way :-) Dull sword, Amber! lol.  Okay, Sev and Draco may've seemed a bit OOC in that last part, but I think that Sevvy can be caring if he tries.  Also, Draco finally caves because he's been through a lot and finally has someone who actually cares.  Don't worry, though, they're not going to always be all mushy or anything, lol :-)  

All right, I need help finding a certain story.  It's driving me crazy!  I read it a while ago, Harry goes to move in with Sirius (maybe Lupin too) but he's really depressed, he doesn't even speak, it's like he's in a living coma.  Dumbledore and them decide to give him a potion that makes him 5 to get him to open up.  Does anyone know of a story that sounds like that?  It's bugging me that I can't remember what it is.  Thanks to any who can help and please push the pretty review button :-)


	17. What We Think of Draco

A/N I just realized I didn't tell the song that was in last chapter.  But I'm sure most of you knew it was "Papercut" by Linkin Park, right? :-)  I was going to just have this chapter be about Hermione, but I had a last minute inspiration (plus it was wicked short, lol).  We will look into the minds of three people with very different views on Draco. I'm SOOOO sorry it took so long!!  And that it's so short, but it's all I could get out.  I think the fog is clearing though.  I'm going away for another week tomorrow, but that's the last time for this year.  After that the chapters shouldn't be taking as long.  Thank you all so much for your support!!!!!!!!  Don't worry, I would never abandon this fic, it's my baby!  The song this chapter is Revillusion by Tantric.  AHHH, guess what?!  I have a hundred reviews!!!!!  Wicca is my 100th!!  *happy dance* okay, sorry, lol, continuing..

Kismet2: Thank you!!!  I love new readers :-)  I'm sorry this part took so long.  I was going to work on changing how the song lyrics are, but I'm limited on time right now :-\ I promise to try to think of something.  Criticisms (constructive of course lol) are very welcome, thank you!

Ms Padfoot: Thank you!!  It's finally flowing, I wanted to scream!  Ah, my vacation was wonderful, I lied in the sun just like you said ;-)  I don't know what I would do without your story, it's amazing.  I was thrilled to see a chapter when I got back :-D

Quidditch-playa-lover: Hii!!  My writer's block is finally going away!!  Yay!!  You'll want the dull sword even more when you read Lucius' short little thoughts, lol..

Tears of Eternity: Thank you!  I like your new name :-)  Hehe, I like to make Snapey nice just to annoy him.   Next chapter should have some Hermione/Draco interaction.  I have a feeling he won't like anyone interfering, lol.  I'm not over it either :'(  I'm living in denial, I say he's coming back.  She just can't kill him forever!  SHE CAN'T!!

Koolcat: Thank you!!  Yup, lol, we're in the lead *sticks tongue out at Lucius*.  Snapeypoo has a heart, hehe.  Aww, it's on your favorites, thank you!!!!

Shadow Eyes: Thank you!  New reviewer *grin*  

Claire: Hi!!  LoL, glad to hear it was educational.  I was stuck in the car for 17 hours down and 13 up on my trip, how long was yours?  I promise I will never abandon this fic, no matter how bad writer's block gets!  This chapter's short, but at least it's here, right? :-)

Haras: Thank you!  I'm continuing, no worries :-)

Darcel: Too late, I'm still twitching, lol ;-)  I would Avada myself if I stopped this story!!  Thus, it will keep going on for eternity!  Muahahaha!  Okay, at least a long time :-D

Camint: Thank you!  I didn't really think of that.  I'll keep a closer eye next time :-)

Rubberduckie713: Thank you!!  Hi!!  Hehe, I've seen your reviews to Struggle, you're quite psycho.  Thus, I welcome you!!!  Insanity rocks :-)  Ah, you're making me blush!  I agree, Draco's gotta have some good in him.  I needed him to have one good parent, and I don't think Narcissa is as bad as Rowling made it seem.  I always want to kill Lucius! *gets sword*  Hehe, there are even more wonderful thoughts by him in this chapter.  Thank you very much!!

ToraSilverHeart: Thank you so much!!  I love new readers and your review was so nice!!  I'm speechless, just grinning really really big.  I'm glad you like the songs, I love putting them in :-)  I'm sorry this took so long but I hope you like it!!  Thank you again!

Ifylla Wyvern: A new reader, yay, thank you for reading :-)  lol, yes this fic is very angsty.  Wait till you get to the session chapter ;-)

Wicca:  You're my 100th reviewer!  Thank you!!!  

~*Watch the time  
Passing by*~

Lucius casually flipped through a book full of dark curses.  He was infinitely glad that little brat was out of his hair for the time being.  Damn Voldemort for wanting him alive.  Remembering the session, he glared at the book.  His oh so precious son had humiliated him!  Talking back to the Dark Lord...Lucius' fists clenched.  Insolent child!

"Ah, but he learned", Lucius thought to himself and relaxed.  It was amusing to watch Draco's face as he was being kicked, so helpless.  At least the boy was good for something.  He heard Narcissa move around quietly in the next room.  How satisfying it was to send Draco up to see her, knowing what would await.  Lucius laughed to himself, the woman was such a weakling, just like her son.

But he beat the Imperius.  That annoying fact kept entering the older man's dark mind.  How?!  How could that powerless nothing overcome it when Lucius himself never had?  Another blow to his pride.  Draco would pay, he promised himself, if he thought the last session was tough... An evil smile twisted Lucius' features... Draco hadn't seen anything yet.

~*Seeing strangers in the sky*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Hermione grabbed a pair of black socks before leaving her room.  It was doubtful Dobby would be reluctant to talk, but bribery never hurt anyone, right?  Several minutes and a ticklish pear later, Hermione stepped into the kitchens of Hogwarts.  Since the first visit in 4th year, she and her friends had traveled there many times.  Hermione had eventually given up on her S.P.E.W project, but did hope that more elves would stand up for themselves like Dobby did.  Winky hadn't changed much, though she cried less.  Mostly she just moved around listlessly, a most pathetic sight.  The trio felt bad for her every time they visited but, really, what was there to do?  She simply wouldn't accept the fact that Mr Crouch, even through it all, was not a god and, in fact, dead.  

~*Rusty eyes  
Stare and bleed*~

Hermione spotted her in a corner, clothes in disarray as usual, "Hello Winky".  Winky looked up, attempted a smile, failed and went back to her work.  With a sigh, Hermione looked around for Dobby.

He came hurtling at her, "Hermione Granger!" to hug her.

"Hi Dobby', she laughed while trying not to fall over.

"Has Hermione come to visit Dobby?" He asked with a grin.

She nodded, "First, to give you these...", and handed him the pair of socks.

Dobby's already large eyes became even bigger and tears welled up in them, "Dobby thanks Hermione Granger!!!!  Dobby does not deserve such kindness!!!"  With those words, he began crying and hugged Hermione again.  She had to grab a nearby table to stay up this time.

"Your welcome Dobby", she smiled, some things never change.  Dobby's theatrics was one of them.  That a simple pair of socks could bring him so much joy...

~*Hope the hell that you do not see  
Something in this world needs to change  
Yeah*~

Then again, with previous masters such as the Malfoy's.... Hermione's anger began to build at the thought of Lucius.  It reminded her of her other reason for coming, "Um, I was hoping I could ask you a few questions?"

Dobby nodded so fast that his head was a blur, "Dobby will be happy to", he was clutching the socks to his chest.

"About the Malfoys?" She clarified tentatively.  True, now Dobby was free and could speak of them if he chose to, but old habits die hard.  She rememered in 4th year how he began hitting himself after saying they were bad wizards.  But hopefully now that time had passed...

~*Hear the lies  
See their eyes  
Morally how we compromise*~

He took a deep breath, "What does Hermione want to know?"

"Lucius", Dobby flinched as she said the name, "What kind of father was he?"

The elf's face darkened in anger, "Mean.  Master Lucius was mean to Master Draco!"  Apparently, old habits died very hard if he still referred to them as Master.

"How mean?" Hermione really didn't want to know the answer...

~*Stained again  
By a friend  
Cut yourself back down to size*~

Dobby recalled the screams he had heard so often, "Mas-" he stopped himself this time, "Lucius hit Draco a lot, Dobby heard", Hermione opened her mouth but he continued, "And not just that.  Lucius used spells.... Lucius", He took an even deeper breath than before, "even used the Cruciatus", the last word was said in a fearful whisper.  

~*Something this world needs to change*~

Dobby seemed to realize then what he had said and reached for a pot, hitting himself in the head, "Bad Dobby!"

Hermione grabbed it from him, "No, you're free, rememeber??  It's okay!"

Dobby took a few ragged breaths and nodded, "Thank you".

Her thoughts were whirling around, an Unforgivable?  On his own son?!  Without realizing it, she asked another question, "What about Narcissa, doesn't she stop him?"

~*Another slap in the face  
I know this time of the year  
Is a revillusion*~

He smiled a little, "Mrs. Malfoy is very kind, loves Draco very much.  But Lucius hurts Mrs. Malfoy too".

"Thank you Dobby.  I must be going now, I'll be back to visit soon", the words were mechincal, as was the hug she returned.  Hermione left and traveled through the corridors, not really seeing anything.  Was that what happened the other night, Lucius beating his son?  But why would Dumbledore just send him to that?  She had a nagging feeling she was missing something.  

~*Still I fall out of place  
Open your mind to the change  
Of evolution*~

That would be worked on later, right now she had to work to control the hatred for Lucius Malfoy.  What kind of monster would do that?!  Annoying as Draco was, Hermione wouldn't wish that fate on anyone.

"Face it Malfoy, you're your father's son", her words came running back to her.  No wonder he had reacted so harshly.  Hermione bit her lip in thought, he had seemed quite adamant about not being Lucius.  That meant there was hope!  She had already committed herself to helping him, but how?  Well, he already had Snape, Lupin and Dumbledore on his side apparently.  But he didn't seem to have an actual friend... that's where she came in.  There had to be some good in Draco and Hermione was going to find it.

~*Look around  
There's a change  
Try to find  
The end of pain*~

~Voldie's thoughts~

~*People who cause are just partly to blame*~

I sense trouble with that Malfoy child, he's much too willful.  I know he will be a great addition to our side, a perfect successor for me, if he can only accept the dark.  He's powerful, more more so than that father of his.  Lucius concerns himself with image too much.  He's clever, but weak, unimaginative.  

Draco was actually able to shoot me with a spell in the first session.  That pleased me but I can't have him becoming over-confidant.  He's obviously been subjected to the Cruciatus before.  That doesn't surprise me.  He didn't scream, a sign of strength.  Yes, all together he will work very well... except for that comment...

~*Try to find the reason why we all stay the same*~

Insolence is not tolerated.  I could've punished him myself, but I had a feeling Lucius would do a better job.  Especially if he suffered for the boy's slip up as well.  I knew there would be no saving Draco from his father's wrath.  As long as Lucius keeps him alive, he can be as brutal as he desires.  It doesn't concern me.

~*Something in this world needs a change*~

What does bother me, however, is that Draco looked away while Lucius was under the Cruciatus.  Compassion, one of the greatest weaknesses.  And one would think he would be eager for something such as that, seeing as he hates the man.  And he does hate him, I can see it in his eyes.  We share that hatred of our fathers.  If he gives in fully to that hate, to the anger, he could be great.

Now all I have to do is drive the last ounce of heart right out of him...

~*Revillusion Revolution*~


	18. Trying is the First Step

A/N:  Late, again, I swear I'm getting so pissed at myself.  But, I think the block is gone.  I finally realized I was just thinking too much.  Things should get better.  Except, in a week I start school and it's gonna get intense, so it might be kind of slow then.  No matter what, though, I'll never stop the fic.  Anywho, you have Lifehouse to thank for finally getting this chapter out.  I spent most of this chapter listening to it and it kept me going.  Thus, the song for this is "Trying" by Lifehouse.  Speaking of lyrics, I've thought about it and since I'm not the one who reads it, I figured I'd ask you guys: Is there anything I could do to make them easier to distinguish?  Bold or something?  Are they ok as they are?  Any suggestions would be helpful :-)

Rubberduckie713: Of course I'm proud, normal is way overrated :-)  Yay for Hermione.. for now.  But getting through to Draco is a long, and frustrating, job.  *evil grin*  lol, tell me when you think of something.  Pansy Duckie, that was great!!!  I'll see what I can do ;-)

Hermionedastar: Thank you!  No, this isn't slash.  It's going to work up to be Hermione/Draco.

Koolcat: I agree!!  Voldie will never win!  lol, I like your name for him.

Claire: Lots of car trips!!  I understand evil grandmothers, don't worry :-)  Least yours lives in another state ;-)  Woah, you start early!  I don't until Sept 3rd.  Then again, that's late for around here too.  I hope it's going well!!  I was nervous going into 9th too, partly because I was also going into a whole new school.  It's actually a whole lot easier than it seems.  I'm sure you'll do great!! 

_~~~~"Mum, Father hates me", Draco said sadly._

_Narcissa looked down at the 8 year old cradled in her arms, "That's not true"._

_He nodded vigorously, "Yes it is!  He said so."_

_"He didn't mean it", his mother lied through her teeth._

_Draco trailed a finger along a black and blue mark on his arm, "I shouldn't have been born"._

_"Never say that!" She said more sharply then she meant to.  He looked up at her in surprise and she softened her tone, "Now, what would I do without you?"_

_"Good point", his mouth finally curved into the grin she wanted, "At least you love me"._

_"More than you know", she hugged him, careful not to hurt his bruised body._

_"I wish Father did", the little blonde boy said softly before shutting his eyes and drifting into sleep..._~~~~~

~*could you let down your hair be transparent for a while  
just a little while*~

Draco's hands clenched his sheets tightly as he awoke from the dream.  It was yet another memory he'd thought had fallen to the recesses of his mind.  It was annoying that they kept popping up.  They hurt him, much as he hated to admit it.  And he had long been accustomed to feeling nothing.  It was so much easier.  

~*to see if your human after all*~

His thoughts unwillingly went back to the dream, nightmare, memory.  He couldn't even remember what had mad Lucius so mad that time, if there was anything at all.  All Draco knew was that his father had stormed from the house after the beating and Narcissa had rocked him back and forth until he stopped crying.  She'd healed his bruises after he fell asleep.  The stupidity of his comments made his mouth now twist into a bitter smile.  Wishes didn't do him a hell of a lot of good.  That last one would certainly never come true.  Loving required a heart and Lucius had lost his forever ago.

~*honesty is a hard attribute to find  
when we all want to seem like  
we've got it all figured out*~ 

"Do I still have mine?" Draco wondered uneasily.

_"Well, if not, you sure cry a lot for someone without one"_ the voice snuck into his mind.

~*well let me be the first to say that I don't have a clue*~

Even though he'd like to be able to contradict the voice, it was right.  It was as if Snape had broken some kind of dam.  Draco had sat there, hiding his face, and cried his eyes out.  He could tell Snape was beyond uncomfortable.  But, dammit, it was his fault in the first place.  Draco hadn't wanted to talk about.  Just let it fly away, like everything else.  But no, Snape just wouldn't let it go.  Jerk.

Speaking of him... Draco was started to wonder if his professor had undergone some kind of breakdown.  Or maybe he was under a spell.  Because even though Snape had never been cruel to him, he had certainly never had this "let's talk about it" personality.  And there was another thing...

~~~~~_Draco had finished with his tears and was trying to get some more rest.  Trying to sort  out the past events, he feigned sleep.  Lupin came back shortly after and he and Snape spoke softly.  Not softly enough, however, for Draco not to hear (and not attentive enough for him not to peek an eye open)..._

_"How was it?" Lupin asked._

_Snape grimaced, "I am not very helpful in these situations"._

_The other man smiled a little, "Not that again"._

_"It's true!" Snape protested, "And besides, all I can think about is the many ways I'd like to kill Lucius".  Draco's mouth had opened slightly at that comment.  Realizing it, he snapped it shut, but the shock remained in his mind._

_Lupin's smile disappeared, "I knew it would be bad... but I wasn't expecting that"._

_"Damn him, Draco doesn't deserve this", Snape replied without thinking._

_The smile resurfaced, "Becoming attached, Severus?"_

_The question was met with a glare, "Shut up", his face went serious again, "You want to know the horrible part?" Lupin gestured for him to continue, "That probably wasn't Lucius' worst work"._~~~~~~~~

Draco remembered that Lupin's hands had fisted at that and the two men had just stared at each other.  When there was finally movement, Lupin departed again and Snape went into his lab.  Draco was left with the shock of being cared about.

~*I don't have all the answers*~

_"I told you so"_, the voice couldn't help saying.

Now he was finally lying in his own bed.  He'd finally convinced Snape to let him out.  It was Monday and it was agreed Draco could go to the detention that night if he stayed in bed all day.  But it was past noon and Draco was past his toleration point.  He simply could not sit still any longer!  He didn't have time for the paranoia of his teacher.  Thus, the teenager defiantly got up and dressed.  

~*ain't gonna pretend like I do*~

It shouldn't be too difficult, right?  After all, most of the professors and students were in classrooms.  There was Filch to worry about, but that wasn't anything new.  Draco could wander around, wherever he wished.  The freedom sent adrenaline rushing and he was gripped with the need to leave the dorm.  Immediately.

Out of the bedroom, throw the common room, through the picture (which hissed at him), and finally to the corridor.  He took a deep breath, feeling much better now that he wasn't caged.  

~*just trying  
to find my way*~

"Where to go", Draco thought to himself, strolling quietly about.  Flying seemed very appealing, but it was too risky, "Damn an invisibility cloak would come in handy right about now", he grumbled.

Going down to the kitchens was an option, food was looking good.  The elves wouldn't tell on him.  Draco started in that direction.

"A student up and about, oh no!" A gleeful voice came from behind him.

~*trying  
to find my way the best that I know how*~

Draco scowled and muttered, "Peeves", before turning around.  It was indeed the poltergeist, most unfortunately.  While better than Filch, he still wasn't a pleasant sight, "Don't you have anything better to do?"

Peeves nodded, "Snape's potions".

Draco smirked, "Have fun", and continued on his way.  Luck was not with him, however.  Just as he was nearing the door that would lead to the hallway of food paintings, doors suddenly opened and students poured out.  He quickly wedged himself behind a statue.  Draco listened closely and when all was quiet again, he slowly came out.  His eyes scanned the area around him, good no one...

"Oh come _on_!" He said out loud when his eyes landed on a certain Gryffindor girl to his far right.

~*well I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say*~

Hermione's eyes were wide, "Hello to you too".

"Why aren't you in class?"  

She raised an eyebrow, "I missed the part where you became a Prefect".

Draco glared at her, Lucius hadn't liked that very much, "Fine.  Then just get lost".

~*but I'm working on it*~

"Whatever you say".

They both began walking to their destinations, each becoming increasingly uneasy when their paths remained the same.  When they reached the door, they turned to each other.

"Where do you think you're going?" Draco demanded.

"Where does it look like?" Hermione retorted.

 "You're not going to the kitchens!"

"Why not?!"

"Because I am!"

"Too bad!"

~*maybe I'll master this art form someday*~

Slytherin and Gryffindor scowled at one another, both too stubborn to budge.  Finally, Hermione sighed, "Let's just both go in, standing here won't do us any good".

He looked ready to argue, but shrugged and walked through the door.

Hermione followed, wondering what was wrong with her.  She felt like banging her head against the wall.  It had been agreed (between herselves) that she would attempt to befriend Draco.  Yet, the second she sees him, the sarcasm goes on full blast.  It was like a reflex.  And he certainly wasn't helping, she glared at his back.  In fact, her mission for today was quite screwed up.  She'd wanted more information out of Dobby, but that couldn't very well happen now.

~*if I quote all the lines off the top of my head

would you believe  
that I fully understand all these things I've read*~

"Granger"

His voice pulled her from her thoughts and she looked at him, annoyed, "What?"

Draco pointed to the painting with the ticklish pear and Hermione realized she'd walked right by it.  Face coloring a little, she backtracked till she was next to him, "Well, what are you waiting for?"

~*I'm just trying  
to find my way  
trying  
to find my way*~

He frowned at her, but said nothing as he entered the kitchens.  As soon as Hermione followed, a green blur ran into her.

"Hello Dobby", she laughed.

"Shouldn't Hermione be in class?" Dobby looked confused.

Hermione smiled, "Hagrid had some gulons, but they got in a fight with one another.  He cancelled the class because it was getting a bit dangerous and he needed to separate them".

"Why couldn't she have just told me that?" Draco wondered, annoyed.  

~*trying  
to find my way the best that I know how*~

_"Think of your tone when you asked"_, suggested the voice.

"Oh shut up", he answered it as he recalled how hostile he had sounded.  Just then, he noticed that Dobby was staring at him.  He said, "Hello" a bit uncomfortably.  Dobby only nodded.  Draco grit his teeth in frustration, it had always been like this when he saw the elf in the kitchens.  He hadn't ever abused the elves, didn't really see the point, but Dobby still acted terrified around him.

~*well I haven't got it all figured out quite yet but  
even if it takes my whole life  
to get to where I need to be*~

Hermione coughed, "Erm, what do you have today Dobby?"  The awkward silence following Draco's greeting was getting to her.

The elf shook himself and grinned at her, "Please sit down", he whisked out two stools.  As they were seating themselves, he walked off, soon to return with two full plates and two goblets of pumpkin juice.

"Thank you", Draco and Hermione said at the same time.

Dobby nodded, "Hermione and Draco are welcome", before another elf called his name, "Dobby must work now", and he was gone.

Hermione, meanwhile, was stuck in shock.  Draco Malfoy thanking a house elf?  Not only that, but the one that betrayed his family.  

~*and if I should fall to the bottom of the end  
I'll be one step back to you and*~

Added with her most recent discoveries, there were just too many surprises in way too short a time.  Needing to do something other than think, she asked, "Where have you been today?"

Draco looked up from his food, "Professor Snape asked me to do some things".  Which was, technically, true.

"Like recover from your injuries?" She wondered in her mind.  Out loud she replied, "I see.  Will you be there tonight?"

He smirked, "Missing me already?"

~*trying  
to find my way*~

"Hardly", she rolled her eyes, "Just wondering if I'll have to do all the work for a third night".  The words were forced out, as she really didn't mind know what he had gone through.  But he couldn't know that yet.

Draco's sharp eyes darkened so little it was almost unnoticeable, but Hermione saw, "Don't worry, Granger, you'll be graced with my presence".

"I'm so glad", was the sarcastic retort.  But, secretly, she was.

~*trying  
to find my way*~

A/N: In case anyone was wondering, a gulon is just something I found while searching for something that sounded like Hagrid would have.  It's a lion-hyena mix with the tail of a fox and sharp claws.  Hmm, learn something new everyday.  Please review!!  It makes the voices in my head happy :-D


	19. If Only They Knew

A/N:  No shooting, please!!!  I suck so much, I know.  School is horrendous and I've reached a sort of stalemate in this story, trying to decide where it's to go.  I have some ideas, just have to see how it plays out.  Anyway, I'm sooooo sorry this is taking so long, as the year moves on and I have more time, it should be better.  I just started driver's ed last week *happy dance*  I should have my permit already, since my birthday is in June and all, but we'll disregard that.  Now, to get to the long awaited chapter 19.. I hope it isn't crap...Wow, yeah, I started this chapter a while ago.  I have finished driver's ed and should be going to get my permit some time this week.  This chapter gets kinda angry at the end, the next one will probably be insanely angsty.  And I promise again, no matter how long the updates take, I will NEVER abandon this story.  The song for this chapter is "Your Promise" by Mest.

Quidditch playa lover: Hi!! I hope you're having better luck with school than I am, I'm swamped!!  Damn Lucius, if only Draco had just Narcissa, the world would be much happier.

Claire: I know, I'm horrible!!  I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened, my mind didn't want to write.  Considering how I end this, the next one should come much quicker.  Now that Driver's Ed is over, I'll have an extra 3 hours working time each day.

Ms Padfoot:  Thanks!!  lol, such pleasant thoughts they have, hmm?  I've got some more Hermione in here.  I didn't start it off being such an angry chapter, but that's how it ends up.  Oh well, angst is good, right? hehe.

koolcat:  lol, thanks!!  A mental breakdown doesn't seem so far off, actually ;-)  Hehe, I'd love to have him yell that.  I'm going to see if it comes up at some point *evil grin*  Well, this isn't soon, but it is an update, so that makes it ok, right?  *backs away slowly*

hermionedastar: Thanks!!

Cinnamon Angel:  lol, aren't you happy to see my last chapter before cancellation?  *innocent smirk*  

Louise Luvgood: Thank you!  I'm glad you can relate to him, means I'm doing something right :-)  lol, I love giving Sevvy a heart.  Ahh, I hate Lucius with a passion!!!  Pansy too, as this chapter shows, lol.  Very true, a mangled Draco is a horrible thing, it's not fair.  Damn Lucius.

Kumiko *kaylin* Eharu: Thank you!!  Sorry about the long updates.

XxXEmeraldXxX: Yup, poor Draco :-\  Thank you for reviewing!!

Endril McMerlyn: Thank you very much!!  Sorry about the lacking updates, I'm determined to get out the next one quicker.

CyberDragon: Thanks!  I love angst.  Sorry about the POV, I get caught up in wanting everyone's mind shown.  I cut down on this chapter and will try to split them up better :-)  Thank you for the offer :-)

Jules37: Thank you!!  Writing the abuse gives me shivers, but I think it's important too.  My two favorite parts of this story are the Snape/Draco interaction and the Hermione/Draco.  H/Dr banter is so much fun to write.

Darcel: *hangs head* It's finally here.  I cannot believe I took over a month.  I'm so ashamed :-(

~Hermione's POV~

~*I'm looking for answers  
To all the questions no one knows*~

He's okay.  He can walk and speak and breathe.  Even though I saw him return and was certain he would be taken care of, fear still tugged at me.  What if the damage was too great?  What if he never opened his eyes again?  And, damn it all, why do I care so much?  I was so nicely entrenched in my hatred of him.  It was simple, familiar.  Where did it go?

~*Bleeded and begged*~

Meanwhile, I'm stuck here feeling thrilled that he is all right.  I mean that quite literally.  Ever since I saw him on the way to the kitchens, my mood is considerably brighter.  My health has been restored, I guess it was one of those short-term bugs?  Harry and Ron are pretty baffled.  We're in Potions and I can feel their gazes burn.  

~*Asked you for nothing*~

Finally I turn to them, "Yes?"

Their eyes widen, but Ron speaks, "You've been so odd lately.  The other day you look like you're going to die and now you're almost deliriously happy".

"That's ridiculous", I brush it off, all the while knowing he is right.

~*But something showed*~

"Ron's right", Harry injects, "What has you so pleased?"

Oh nothing, just the fact that our enemy since first year wasn't killed by his demonic father.  Not the best choice, I think.  "I don't know.  Can't you just be happy with the fact I'm no longer ill?"

Ron opens his mouth to respond, but suddenly a glare overtakes his face.  I glance in that direction to see the source of his displeasure.  Uh oh.  I should've known.  

He opens his mouth again, but the attention is no longer focused on me, "It's just so great that King Malfoy is back", he says sarcastically.

Harry frowns, "It was so nice while he was gone.  It should be like that all the time".

"Maybe his father can send him to Drumstrang", Ron's eyes light with glee.

"Or just to a cave", Harry laughs.

I work to keep my anger contained.  They don't know what Draco goes through, can hardly be expected to.  Yet an overwhelming desire is eating away at me to stand up for the Slytherin.  Maybe my health isn't as good as I thought.

~*Your uneasy eyes, the sweat on your forehead*~

Seamus leans over, "I heard he went home for the weekend.  Not sure why, though".

"Isn't it obvious?  Lucius had to teach him some more dark curses.  True torture takes practice after all", Dean adds with exaggerated seriousness.

They all burst into laughter as the rest of the class files in.  Without consciously trying, I look over to Draco and he seems to be unaffected.  I'm not sure how much he could hear, but they weren't exactly being quiet.  Despite the nonchalant air, I can detect a stiffness to his frame.  He cares.

~*Everyone's pointing your nervousness out*~

The fact is a blow to my stomach.  It actually matters to him when this side of the room is laughing at his expense.  On top of everything else, how does this affect him?  Not only does his father have a particularly cruel mind, but basically the whole school hates him.  Not that it isn't justified at times, but still...

~*It's obvious now that you're scared of yourself*~

I'm brought back to my mind as Snape coughs very loudly to signal the end of the laughter.  Not immediate deduction of points?  God, when will things return to normal?

~*Nothing to keep them from knowing this now  
There's nothing to keep them from knowing this now*~

~3rd Person~

Draco rolled his eyes as he thought, 'Well, gee, I wonder what those morons are laughing at.  Their subtlety amazes me.'

_"As if they care that you know"_

~*Promises, shattered pieces*~

'Oh, who asked you.  Damn, Snape didn't even take points away from them, what's his problem?'

_"He might be wondering why you're in class, but that's just a thought..."_

Draco had been in no mood to return to the dorms after leaving the kitchen.  After wandering aimlessly for a bit, he came to a conclusion: he was insanely bored.  With no solution in sight, he decided to go to his last class of the day... Potions.  If Snape had really thought Draco was going to stay put, his I.Q. equaled that of pumpkin juice.

~*Memories of nothing, cowardly   
You'll face this all alone*~

Such kind thinking was interrupted by Snape's curt announcement that they would be working on a potion that would take away a person's voice.  It would be easier to just do it with a wand, but there were instances where one might become relieved of their wand and be happy to have some potion on hand.  All the classes had things like that, focused on some sort of defense measure.  With Voldemort's increasing power, it would be stupid not to.  

Speaking of stupid... Draco was waylaid by its essence on his way to get ingredients.

"Draco!" Pansy latched onto him.

He attempted to shake her off, but the bloody girl had a death grip, "What do you want?"

~*You're finding your truths   
Are nothing but lies*~

"I have to have a reason to talk to you?" She smirked.

"Yes, so that when it's fulfilled, you can leave".

Pansy laughed loudly, "Don't worry Dray, I would never leave you".

"What a frightening thought", he muttered.  He continued to the ingredients, half dragging Pansy behind him.  When he finally arrived, Harry, Ron, and Hermione where their gathering supplies.  'Freaking wonderful', was his immediate reaction.

The two boys glared at him while Hermione did her best to avoid his gaze.  Pansy sniffed at them and spoke loudly to Draco, "It seems you can't step anywhere in this school without encountering trash".

"So says the slut of Slytherin".

It took Hermione a moment to realize why they all were looking at her.  Then came the light bulb... she had said it out loud.  This should be interesting...

"**What** did you call me?!" Pansy's voice became even more high pitched in her shock.

Harry and Ron were immersed in laughter and Draco was trying not to do the same.  Hermione had said what everyone else wanted to.

Shaking with indignation, the alleged slut turned to Draco, "Aren't you going to say anything?" When he looked at her blankly, she added, "Defend my honor!"

'What honor?' was his first question, but he managed to keep that thought in his head.  

~*Still no one knows*~

Before he could answer the ridiculous demand, Ron sneered, "Yeah, Malfoy, defend your girlfriend".

The title almost made him throw up all of Dobby's offerings, "Go to hell, Weasley".

"Original.  Why didn't you just stay gone?"

"Finally saying it to my face, are you?  Amazing, poor boy over there actually has balls".  Harry stepped forward and Draco rolled his eyes, "Go ahead, play the hero.  No scene would be complete without St. Potter". 

~*You see yourself run, but I see you crawling  
To face the truth*~

"Oh yeah, I'd much rather be a brainless, spoiled little rich boy".

"Enough!" Hermione, who'd been silent since the slut comment, yelled.

~*You're hesitant now*~

"Is there a problem?" They all turned to find Snape glaring at them through slits.  Without waiting for an answer, he continued, "I suggest you begin work on your potions.  Last one done gets the privilege of testing Longbottom's."

None of them feeling like suffering that day, the Slytherins and Gryffindors parted company.  

"You were just wonderful", Pansy cooed as they reached Draco's table.  

~*Your heart must be burning*~

Patience wearing away at an alarming rate, he finally yanked his arm away and stared right into her eyes, "Pansy, listen carefully", she nodded eagerly, obviously not very astute, "Go jump on the Whomping Willow".  Draco began his potion, waiting for the girl to understand.  

After a couple moments, he heard a foot stamp and Pansy shriek, "Brute!" before she stalked away.

'Finally', he sighed, 'Some peace'.

~*Ripping and tearing your insides are numb*~

Her anger slowing her progress significantly, Pansy ended up being the one on whom Neville's potion was tested.  Luckily for her, and quite inexplicably, it only made the oddest green spots appear all over.  While greatly amusing to all watching, it didn't seem to have any unhealthy side effects.  

Amid immense laughter, the class filed out.  Draco was just making it out when he heard Snape speak, "Should I presume you're sleepwalking?"

'So close' Draco thought wistfully before turning, "Presume whatever you wish".

~*Restless and weak*~

"It is very simple, Draco", Severus replied calmly, "Either you follow our directions for recovery, or you don't go anymore".

He narrowed his eyes, "I have to go, Dumbledore said..."

"The Headmaster said it would help our cause the most if it was not revealed that we knew Lucius' plans.  If you are seriously in jeopardy, he is going to put a stop to the whole thing".

~*Time to start over*~

Draco glared at his teacher for a few tense minutes before putting down his books and folding his arms defiantly, "You owe me".

"Excuse me?" Severus had no idea what he could possibly mean.

"You owe me.  You had your whole mini therapy session and made me talk.  Now the least you can do is shut up and let me feel half normal!"

"You..."

"Now", Draco cut him off, "I'm leaving.  I'm going to have a couple bloody hours where I don't have to focus on how fucked up everything is.  I'll see you at detention".  The door slammed behind him.

~*Nothing to keep them from emptiness now  
There's nothing to keep them from emptiness now*~

Severus was left staring at the books Draco had left behind.  He soon discovered he was speechless.

_"Who would've thought?"_ His voice inquired.

The oh so intimidating Potions master just shook his head.

~*Promises, shattered pieces*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

~*Memories of nothing, cowardly   
You'll face this all alone*~

As it turned out, Draco was wrong.  He wasn't able to have his 'normal' time.  In yelling at Snape about it, he'd firmly implanted it in his mind.  Dammit, he just couldn't get a break.  Worse, he felt the unpleasant beginnings of an attack.  

~*You know how this will end*~

It caught him as he was on a desperate walk to clear his head a little before detention.  Alone in the corridor, he leaned on the wall and tried to fight it off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Hermione was explaining some Transfiguration homework to Ron and Harry when her stomach suddenly clenched.  She wasn't exactly in pain, just very uncomfortable.  It felt as if something was extremely wrong.  All of it left Hermione in a state of confusion.  What was she suddenly so uneasy about?  She noticed it was about time for her detention, but they never made her that nervous.  The day had been rather eventful, but didn't warrant such a reaction.  Was her illness returning?

~*'Cause the pain inside your head  
Is cutting yourself thin*~

Answers would have to wait until after detention.  Shrugging off concerns about her sudden pale complexion, Hermione hurried to the Potion's classroom.  A part of her was thrilled the detentions were almost over: freedom!!!  But a tiny percent was panicked at it... what excuse would she use to talk to Draco now?  For all the intelligence she had, she could find no solution.  The best she had so far was to get them both in trouble and hope for joint detentions again.  You know it's bad when that's plan A.  

~*Nothing to do now*~

She found the room occupied only by Snape.  She brushed away the tinge of fear, Draco would be there in a few minutes.  Those minutes passed and still no blonde haired Slytherin.

But he said he would be there.  And Snape looked like he was expecting him as well.  He was just going to be late, that's all...

~*When you're buried underground*~

Did Lucius come and kidnap him?  Hermione shook her head, now was not the time to become irrational.  There was plenty of time for that after Draco got there.  

The clenching intensified... where the hell was he?

~*Your promise haunts you now*~

A/N:  Haha!  Cliffie!  Or at least the closest I've ever come to one.  In case it wasn't glaringly obvious, I despise Pansy.  The next chapter will most likely be angst filled, so be prepared.  It should be longer too (I know this is short)  As a hint, it'll probably open with some horrible, full blown memory Draco's enduring.  See what happens when he exerts himself?  *sigh* The one time Sevvy is right... hehe.  Okay, now everyone, I know you all want to shoot me, but imagine the review button is the target and click click click!!! :-)


	20. The Connection

A/N: Yay, I didn't take a month!!! lol.  I'm finally getting some movement in this story, I know it's sort of been standing still lately.  But Hermione and Draco's...whatever they have, lol, is being moved along a bit.  Harry and Ron will be playing a bigger part later, and I still have to figure out when Sirius will come in.  Anyway, enjoy!!  I hope it isn't too bad ;-)  The song is "Not Alone" by Don't Look Down

Darcel:  Uh huh, I think I'm getting better!!!  *twirl*

Star Katt:  Hi!!  I read your 18th birthday one.  I've never seen/read/not sure what it is Inuyasha, but it was a good poem :)

YW:  Hiii!  Thanks :)  I've got PSATs tomorrow morning, I want to cry!  I should be asleep, but I'm stupid, thus I am up.  I should email you tomorrow, if I'm not too distraught over my stupidity, lol.

Cyberdragon:  Very true, lol.  Thanks :)  I love song fics, though it sometimes takes me forever to find songs for this story.

Elle Granger:  Welcome!!  Thank you very much :)  Hehe, I like making Hermione explode, 'tis fun.  I talk to myself a lot, so I can relate to Draco to it.  Lately, though, I talk to my leprochaun Bud instead ;-)  Draco will never be totally good, I would never do that to him, glad you agree.  *shudder*  Lucius' mind gives me nightmares.  I hate going into it, but such is angst.  I love Sevvy, lol, it's so much fun to break him down and make him have feelings.  It's easy to fall in love with Draco *dreamy sigh*.  Your reviews made me so happy!!  Thank you for taking the time :)  I hope you like this chapter too.

Louise Luvgood: Thank you :)  I know, poor Hermione is missing such a big thing!!  Hmm, I wonder how long till she figures it out...

Claire: Hehe, and this one was quicker!!!  *cheer*  Yup, I got my permit today!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Hermionedastar: Angry Draco is amusing, I agree.  Poor Sevvy, he's all messed up ;-)

xXxEmeraldxXx: Thanks :-)  lol, yes, I haven't gotten many good responses to the cliffie *evil grin*

Silently Tortured: Silly Pansy.  Have you read Struggle?  It's wicked funny what happens to Pansy in there.  She's just too stupid not to ridicule.  Thanks :)

Rose of Tokyo: Thank you :)

_~~~~~~~~~The squeals made the thick walls of the manor vibrate.  Thump, squeal, thump...._

_"I is sorry, Master", was the constant chant through the wails.  The only answer the elf received was a snarl and more injury.  It woke 5-year-old Draco up.  He tried to bury his head under his pillows, but it seemed the sounds were everywhere.  His stomach twisted with each new shriek._

_Why was Father doing it this time?  Young as he was, Draco knew Lucius didn't really need a reason.  Walking wrong was a highly punishable offense in the man's world.  The little boy shuddered for the poor little slave.  He wondered if Mother could hear, did the screams bother her too?_

_After more fruitless attempts at going back to sleep, Draco was rather upset.  Not only was he being deprived of rest, but squeals had gotten to the point where they made him want to throw up.  Father had to stop!_

_Having made this decision, he quietly walked downstairs.  He didn't want to alert Mother.  She always became really nervous whenever he went to go see Father.  As he neared his destination, he tried to ignore how loud the cries were getting._

_Draco stood in the doorway and entreated softly, "Father?" His small voice was lost in the noise, so he spoke louder, "Father!"_

_Lucius relaxed his hold on his cane and turned from the whimpering elf,  "What are you doing up?" _

_"I could here you", he answered simply._

_"And....?"_

_"Could you please stop?"_

_His father's eyes narrowed, "Why do the yells bother you?"_

_"They make my stomach hurt", Draco explained.  He couldn't understand the anger that flashed in Lucius' eyes at such a response._

_"Do you feel bad for the elf, Draco?"_

_He wasn't really sure how to answer.  Did the hurting stomach mean he felt bad?  He guessed so and told his father that._

_Not the appropriate reply, apparently, since Lucius walked forward and backhanded him for it.  He pointed at the elf with his cane, "That, son, is a slave.  House elves are like mudbloods and muggles, far below us and not worthy of our time.  You will NEVER feel compassion for anyone, let alone trash such as this.  Is that understood?"_

_"But..." Draco wanted to say that he didn't understand.  What was so bad about a house elf?  They helped._

_Lucius cut him off with a blow to the stomach with the cane, "Is that understood?!"_

_Trying to regain the power to breathe, Draco panted out, "Yes sir"._

_"Good.  Back to bed then", and the mighty pureblood went back to his victim._

_The little boy left the room bent over and without another glance at the elf.  He tried to block out the resumed squeals and cries of, "I is sorry, Master.  Dobby is sorry!"~~~~~~~~~~~_

~*Take a step back from your life, take a moment to see more deeply.*~

Draco punched the wall hard, scraping his knuckles and almost breaking his hand.  The snarls, the pleas, everything was reverberating in his crowded mind.  He clutched his stomach as he relived the sensation of being whacked there with the cane.  Breath short, he attempted to refocus and fight the attack.

So far, it wasn't going so well.  Draco remembered the blood on the floor, on the cane, on his shirt after the cane touched it.  The blood on his own face from a ring Lucius was wearing when he hit him.  **Weak**.  The word was displayed in neon letters to him.  **No compassion**.  The order echoed.  

Memories started melding together, forming a stream of screams and crimson ink.  He felt each ache, bruise, cut be reborn. 

He glared at the wall and said aloud to himself, "I can't do this".  Draco dropped to the ground, "I just can't".

~*Does everything seem just alright? What is it that makes you happy?*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Hermione felt as if someone had just punched her in the stomach.  She gasped and Severus looked at her curiously.  As she was about to answer, she started hearing numerous screams.  The girl looked around, but there was no one but herself and the professor.  Was she going mad?

"Ms. Granger?"

Her head whipped around to face him, "Yes sir?"

"Is there something the matter?"

"Yes", she answered without thinking, "I've got to go".  Barely acknowledging it, Hermione began walking.  She had not a clue where she was going, but her head was killing her so she left it to her feet.  There were flashes she kept getting, but nothing seemed clear.  There was the yelling, crying, and... blood.  She shuddered.  Her body seemed to be torn apart though no marks appeared on her skin.  

"There had better be a damn good explanation for this!" She thought faintly to herself.

~*This song is about how you could, look back on your life and feel good.   
Bring back the faces and memories.*~

Slowly she realized she had entered a rather deserted area of the castle.  What could possibly be there?

Hermione entered a corridor and came to a dead stop.  There didn't look to be anything there, so she was a bit confused.  Her subconscious wanted her to be alone in a hallway?  Then a movement caught her eye and she looked down.  There sat Draco staring into space.

~*And when it all seems wrong, I want you to turn on this song and look out your window.*~

"Draco?"  She decided to be surprised about finding him later.  He didn't answer, "Draco!!!"  Still nothing.  Hermione crouched down and lightly shook his shoulder.  

He flinched violently a second before turning his head sharply.  His hand came up and grabbed her wrist.  

"Draco, let go!" His grip was tight and could quickly become pretty painful.  She looked him straight in the eyes, hoping to get through to him.  They were ice cold and at the same time, somehow, full of fiery anger.  "DRACO!" She yelled to him.

Something seemed to click as he let go of her and shook himself.  After blinking a bit, his eyes seemed to have refocused and he looked at her confused, "What are you doing here?"

~*Remember the good times you had, and those out there you love.   
Everything seems better.*~

"I don't know", Hermione answered honestly, "But you didn't come to detention".

"So?"

She gave him a weird look, "So Snape and I wondered where you were".

"Well now you know, goodbye then", He looked away.

"Oh no.  No bloody way!" Hermoine exclaimed, "I'm getting some answers, dammit".

~*You're not alone, we're better off together.*~

Her outburst brought back his gaze and he raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me?"

"I find you in a trance like state, get a vice hold on my wrist, and then suddenly you act like nothing happened?  No.  And this isn't the first time.  At the library you were out of control.  And at detention I can tell something has been going on.  You're going to tell me."

~*You'll always have to know that you're not..  
All alone, lonely through the bad times, it seems like I have grown.*~

"Who the hell do you think you are?" He asked incredulously.

"Someone that you can't lie to anymore.  Let's get this straight Draco, I am not in a good mood.  I've been horrendously sick lately for no known reason.  I've had to spend considerable time everyday with my least favorite teacher.  Not to mention dealing with you.  Then tonight, just when I'm getting better, I feel like I'm going to die.  I've had horrible nightmares full of screaming and blood and Merlin knows what else I've blocked out.  I've heard you not call me mudblood, seen Snape be considerate and lied to my friends.  Do NOT push me at this point!!!"  Hermione breathed deeply and crossed her arms.

It took Draco a couple moments to get over the shock.  That was certainly not the answer he had expected, "And you think this entitles you to pry into my personal life?"

"Honestly?  Yes, because most of it is your fault."

"How do you figure?"

"You don't want to know.  Now stop changing the subject and spill", he didn't answer, "I'm not going to shut up until you do", he rolled his eyes so she resorted to blackmail, "Tell me and I won't tell Snape the state I found you in".

He seemed to mull the last one over and sighed, "Fine.  But don't go spreading it to Mr. Perfect or anyone, got it?" Hermione nodded and he began reluctantly, "I get these panic attacks.  Things become hazy, I can't breathe, I basically flip out".

~*Now take a look back at your life, to see how things have worked out.*~

"When do you get them?"  She questioned gently.

"When I think of... certain aspects of my life", he didn't want to reveal too much.

"Lucius", Hermione said softly, not really meaning for it to be aloud.

His eyes widened but he nodded, "Yes."

Feeling a bit awkward, Hermione let her eyes roam, they fell on his bloodied hands.  She grabbed it without thinking and exclaimed, "What happened?!"

"The wall annoyed me", he replied dryly, happy that the subject was no longer Lucius.

~*How can you make it seem right? What will it take to find out?*~

She inspected it lightly, "It's not broken, that's good.  You should clean this up, they could become infected".  When silence was her answer, she looked up to find him staring at her.  She looked away uncomfortably, "We should be getting back.  You need this fixed and Snape will want to know what's going on".

Draco didn't move to stand, but asked her, "How did you find me?"

Hermione shrugged, "Luck?"

"Why did you look?"

This question wasn't as easy to answer, "I'm smarter than Snape".

"If I can't lie, neither can you", he watched her closely.

She glared at him, "You're going to think I'm crazy".

"Try me".

~*My friends are all here next to me, focus your eyes and you'll see.   
Bring back the faces and memories.*~

"Remember how I felt sick tonight?  Accompanying that was a feeling that something was wrong.  So, I just started walking and ended up here."

"What do you mean by sick?" Draco asked with an odd voice.

"Why does that matter?" He just narrowed his eyes so she sighed, "At first, it wasn't really pain, just a clenched stomach and general not feeling well.  Then later, it felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.  On the way here, my whole body hurt.  It doesn't make any sense.  It's been like this a lot lately.  I almost passed out in the corridor the other day".

~*And when you think you can't, get up and take a stand.*~

"When did you have the nightmares?"

Hermione looked at him oddly, but answered, "Saturday night".

"What happened in them?  More specifically, I mean."

She felt cold as she forced herself to remember, "They were awful.  I couldn't see very clearly, everything was blurry.  But there was so much screaming.  They made me sick.  And during the screams, someone was laughing.  On the way up here, I heard screams again and had flashes of things, mostly blood", she ran her hands up her arms in an effort to get rid of the goose bumps that had appeared, "What's with all the questions?"

~*Fight for me like I know you can.*~

"Morbid curiosity", he continued before she could call him on the lie, "You're right, we should be going back".

Hermione frowned to herself.  He wasn't telling the truth.  But she wasn't quite sure she wanted to know the reason.  Thus, she stayed silent on the way to Snape's.

~*You've been here all along, its the reason why I wrote this song.  
You make my life better.*~

~~~~~~~~ Sevvy's POV ~~~~~~~~~

Where the hell is that boy?  I swear I don't need this trouble.  Too much worrying.  See what happens when you start to care?

_"Lighten up"_

Never.  

Where did Granger go?  She's hardly my biggest worry right now, but it would be nice to have some control over this situation.  Maybe she went to the lavatory, the girl seemed very ill.  Has all these past days, actually.  Maybe it's karma.

He better not've decided to just skip detention, not after arguing so much to be able to come.  He was so angry before, maybe he went flying.  Ah, flying, that would not be good.  What if he decided to try again?

_"Deep breaths, Sev"_

Oh shut up, what do you know?  I'm panicking.  I never panic.  I've been doing a lot of it lately, though.  Yet another thing that child has inflicted on me.  

Damn Lucius, this is all his fault.  If he had just been human, this would not be an issue!  But, no.  He had to go and be demonic.  Of course.  Figures.

_"Right.  Fate makes Lucius an abusive father just to cause you annoyance"_.

Don't try to sound logical on me!!  Did you not hear the word "panic"?

_"What aren't you looking for him?"_

I have no idea where to begin.  I'm waiting for some divine intervention.  Besides, I'm probably overreacting, no need to excite everyone.  I'll just sit here at my desk and wait for them.  Maybe Granger found Draco along the way.  Yes, I'm sure that's what happened.  And he was perfectly fine, just wanted to irritate me.  

Or Voldemort could've decided the weekend wasn't enough.

_"Are you kidding me?"_

I repeat, NO LOGIC!  Let me comfortably freak out.  Then I can relax and all will be well with the world.

Why isn't he here yet?  And why isn't she back either?  Not acceptable!

Maybe he realized that I was right and he was worn out and went back to the dorms.  Of course.  I should've thought of that earlier.  Good.

Or maybe he realized that I was right he was worn out but couldn't make it back to the dorms!  He could be passed out somewhere.

_"And you think I'm weird..."_

Albus, I'll go see Albus.  Perfect.  He'll know what is going on, the man knows everything.  He'll find them both and... oh, there they are.

_"Thank Merlin"_

~~~~~~End Sevvy's POV~~~~~

~*You're not alone, we're better off together.*~

Severus stared at them after they entered the classroom, looking slightly frenzied.

"I found Draco", Hermione blurted out when she could no longer stand the silence.

~*You'll always have to know that you're not..  
All alone, lonely through the bad times, it seems like I have grown.*~

"Yes, she did", Draco nodded, slightly amused.

"I can see that.  Where were you?"

"Got a little sidetracked, sorry", Draco smirked at him.

~*And all those times I was a clown, you brought me up when I fell down.*~

"And you're feeling all right?" Sev questioned, not caring that Hermione was right there.

"I'm fine", Draco assured him.

Sev looked over to Hermione, "How was he when you found him?"

She shrugged, "Annoying, nothing new.  Seemed ok to me".

~*And all that I've become I pull my life to everyone but me.*~

"I give up", Sev muttered, "You know the drill, clean, don't break anything, including each other's bones".  With that, he stalked out of the classroom, desperate for some peace.

"Not bad", Draco said to her, still smirking.

She rolled her eyes, "Slytherins aren't the only ones that can lie, you know".

"No", he agreed, "We're just the best at it".

"The only thing you guys are the best at is being the object of pranks", she countered.

"Jealousy does not become you, Hermione", he raised an eyebrow.

"Insufferably prat", she laughed.

The two of them finally got down to work.  Draco comfortable with the knowledge that he could trust (to an extent) Hermione to keep his secret, and Hermione with the fact that she had made a chip, however small, in the Prince's armor.

~*You're not alone*~

A/N:  This was longer, right?  This ended up a lot less angsty than I planned.  I swear my muse does these things just to confuse me.  Don't worry, just because they're tolerating each other this chapter doesn't mean a smooth road ahead.  I know Sev's bit was weird, I don't know what got into me, but I had to write it.  I think this story needed a little comic relief.  Anywho, plleeeaaasseee review, I love them all!!


	21. Two Steps Back

A/N  Hey!!!!  Note to all: I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing.  Good, glad that's out of the way.  I've been feeling an extreme loss of control of this story lately, not sure why.  But I hope things will start to come together.  Thanks for hanging tight!  I feel the story's lagging, so this chapter is going to be bit of a catalyst.  Our dear characters are going to feel a tad overwhelmed.  Yeah, I had a sudden burst of anger while writing this, so be ready lol.  The song is "Better" by Hoobastank.  

Star Katt: Thanks!!  Glad you liked it :-)  Ohhh, ok, it makes more sense now :-)

BlackKat:  Thank you!!  I wish I could read the 5th one *dodges knife from Cinnamon*  I'm just too stubborn.

Cinnamon Angel: Hey!!!!  You know, an update of Struggle would be greatly appreciated *grin*  Thanks :-)  lol, great minds think alike.  I have to decide the reason for it, though.  I have a couple ideas, but I'm not sure.  Muahaha, he's let her in...but let's see what happens this chapter *evil grin*  Does your mom ever look at your in an un-strange way? lol.  

Lousie Luvgood: I think Draco's got it too, now he has to figure out why it's happening.  But, as this chapter shows, there are a couple other things on his mind presently...  Thank you!!!  Lord knows when Hermione will find out, she's being awfully dense, lol.  The next chapter shouldn't take long since I've got it all planned in my mind already.  Thank you again :-)

xXxEmeraldxXx: Thanks :-)  I'd love to check out your fics.  I've looked at the summaries and they look interesting :-)  I should have most read by the next update.

goldenhorse:  Thanks :-)  Of course I'll check it out :-)  Ginny getting the mark, this should be good.

Tears of Eternity:  Thanks!!  I know, it's so cute they're finally getting close.  Too bad I had to write this chapter, lol.  

Claire: Thanks :-)  OMG I almost killed myself the first time on the road!!  My poor mom!! lol.  It was not a pretty thing.. maybe I'll just take buses forever, lol...

samhaincat:  Thanks :-)  Very funny.  I had no clue this chapter was going to come out like this either.  I have no control, lol.

Chazzy:  Thank you very much!! :-)

Darcel: Thanks :-)

Elle Granger:  LoL, you're going to hate me after this.  I finally bring them together.. but we can't have them getting too optimistic! lol.  Hehe, isn't Snapey amusing?  

Z.H2L: Thanks :-)  I love Sevvy, making him all schizo is very fun.

Jewelkitten:  Thank you!!!  I hope you like this one too.

Endril McMerlyn:  Thank you!!!  You're so nice :-)  I'm glad you like it so much, I hope you continue to.  Thanks again :-)

Things seemed to be lighter in detention after Hermione's discovery of Draco.  The insults didn't end, of course, but there was a less malicious intent to them.  Tuesday and Wednesday's detentions passed without any slapping or other violent behavior.  Thursday came and it seemed to be a bright day.  It was the last detention, and a Quidditch match at that.  Remus and Severus decided that Draco had recovered sufficiently so it was also the first scheduled defense lesson.  Hermione was more optimistic than before about her progress.  If only it was so easy to bridge so many years of hate.  

~*Just when I thought that I was better  
I realized that I don't know what better was*~  
Those around Hermione and Draco weren't blind to the changes in them.  In fact, they were quite suspicious.  Harry and Ron, despite the return of Hermione's health, were concerned about their friend.  She seemed more withdrawn and could often be found staring into space.  Whenever they mentioned the detentions, she would just shrug them off.  Even odder, she no longer joined in whenever they a session of 'Insult Malfoy' during Potions.  

For Draco's part, his friends were rather unsettled.  He hadn't said the word "Mudblood" in a bit and there was that little matter of letting the Gryffindor insult Pansy.  

~*Is it.........  
Better than I used to be?*~

The slut herself was embarrassed and angry, not a good combination for a spiteful future Death Eater.  Crabbe and Goyle certainly weren't bright enough to notice anything, but Blaise and Lawrence Grant were narrowing their eyes at his behavior.  Lawrence, a 7th year, was the captain of the Slytherin team and was currently hoping Draco's issues wouldn't affect his game.  The rest could be dealt with later.  

The match was between Slytherin and Ravenclaw.  It wouldn't be quite as close as one with Gryffindor, but the Ravenclaws were definitely not easy to beat.  The students piled into the stands, eager for the game to begin.  Harry and Ron watched as Hermione's gaze drifted to over where the Slytherins were preparing.

"Nice day for a match", Ron said loudly.

Her head swung around to look at him, "Oh yes".  And it was, the sun was out and, while chilly, it was comfortable.  

"Who do you think will win?" Harry looked at her closely.

"I haven't a clue", she smiled a bit distractedly.

~*Better for you or for me?*~

"Well those bloody Slytherins always cheat, I hope Ravenclaw puts them in their place", Ron glared at the green robed players.

Harry nodded, "That would be a great thing to see.  Especially Malfoy, he can get damn violent".

Hermione played with her scarf, not really wanting to take part in the conversation.  It was true, Draco had been pretty ruthless before.  But he had changed at least a little... hadn't he?  Maybe she was only telling herself that so it would be easier to rationalize helping him.  

~*I'd better hurry cause I need a better view of things*~

No, she mentally shook her head, he had changed.  There were no "Mudblood" comments and he had been decidedly less cruel to everyone recently.  She sighed, how does a girl know if she's being delusional or not?

~*I don't know what it is or what I might be coming down with*~

Cheers broke her through her thoughts.  She looked up to find the game had begun.  While not a very big fan of flying, she did enjoy watching the matches.  Time passed, points were scored, finally Ravenclaw was in the lead but the snitch still had not been caught.  There was a new Ravenclaw seeker, Madeline, who showed a lot of promise.  

Hermione had been unconsciously focused on Draco for quite some time now.  She watched his stance stiffen and realized he must've caught sight of the snitch.  She wanted to cheer, but knew that would not be accepted at all.  Her support was supposed to be for Ravenclaw, not the enemy.  Damn it all.

~*Don't know where I've been  
Don't know where to go*~

Draco had finally seen the snitch, but keep his face expressionless.  No need to give away its location.  He had to admit Madeline was rather good, maybe more than 'rather'.  This made him all the more determined not to lose.  

~*Can't remember all the things that I need to know*~

Keeping a bored look plastered on his face, he kept his eyes trained on the tiny flying ball.  Acting like he was merely flying about to amuse himself, he went ever closer.  Finally, Madeline seemed to realize what he was doing and started towards him.  Draco saw her and shot forward, willing his broom to go faster.  When close enough, he reached out and grinned in triumph when he felt his hand close over the snitch.  He held it up high for everyone to see and the Slytherin spectators went wild.  There was some polite applause from the other houses as well.  Draco didn't really care who else was happy, he was thrilled.  Still, he let his eyes find a certain Gryffindor for some reason.  He found her clapping like mad and grinning as well.  Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her two friends glaring at him.  It got better and better.

~*All I know is that if I think about it  
I'd still rather be me than me be you*~

"We did it!!"  

Draco turned at Lawrence's jubilant cry and smirked, "You doubted it?"  The team flew down, dismounted, and commenced congratulating each other.

"Yes!" Hermione exclaimed when Draco held up the snitch.

"Excuse me?!" Ron turned to her, eyes wide.

~*And I'm not getting any better  
Cause everytime I can't remember what it's for*~

She just ignored him, though, and continued to clap.  Draco looked so... happy was the only thing she could think of, vague and simplistic as it was.  Hermione didn't think she'd ever seen him grin like that.  She decided he should do it more often.

"Hello, contacting Hermione!" Harry waved a hand in front of her face.

"I'm right here", she laughed.

"Doesn't seem like it", he muttered, "Why are you so happy?  Slytherin won".

~*Is it.........  
Better now than yesterday?*~

"Gee, really?" She rolled her eyes, still smiling, "Can't I be happy for them?"

"No", Ron replied bluntly in Harry's place.

Hermione raised her eyebrows, "Right.  We should get moving".  She began to walk away, only to turn and face them when she noticed they weren't following, "Well come on".

"Who are you?" Ron asked, awestruck.  Harry seemed much the same way.

"I'm sorry?"  

"You're cheering for Slytherin.  For Malfoy.  Do you remember who he is???"

"Ron, I think you should see Madam Pomfrey, you're acting oddly", Hermione looked concerned.

"ME?!" Was his incredulous response, "You've got to be kidding!" He looked to Harry, "Help me out here mate!"

"Ron does have a point.  Since when do you like Malfoy?"  Harry questioned.

Hermione sighed, "Just because I'm not plotting murder due to their victory doesn't mean I like him.  You both are overreacting.  Now, are we going to stay in the stands all day or what?"

~*Better that I am this way?*~

Ron opened his mouth, but Harry stopped him and just shook his head.  They followed her out, still not having a clue what was going on.

Some quirk of timing, explained only by the universe, caused the trio to encounter the Slytherin team on their way back to the school.  Draco was flanked by his teammates, everyone in a great mood.  They stopped when seeing the Gryffindors.  Hermione, Harry and Ron attempted to just keep walking.

"What?  No congratulations?" Ryan, a beater, smirked.

When that received no reaction, Dante, the keeper, called out, "Worried, Potter?  Your little scar doesn't help out on the pitch".

That stopped them.  Hermione saw Harry's hands clench into fists and put a hand on his shoulder, "Don't listen to him".

~*I'd better not be so afraid*~

Dante continued, "Come on, Potter.  You can even bring the little redhead with you.  Hey Weasley!!  Keeper's not an easy position, you know.  What if you got hurt?  Could your parents handle the doctor bills?"

Hermione sighed, Harry was a lot easier to calm than Ron.  She looked over at him and saw the death glare, "Ron, he just wants to get you angry.  Let's go in, it's getting cold".

~*I bet I shouldn't say*~

The boys actually listened and the three began walking again.  But Dante just couldn't keep his mouth shut, unfortunately.

"Awww, your Mudblood won't let you come play?" The team fell into laughter with that.  Thankfully, no one noticed how forced Draco's was.

"Shit", Hermione swore softly when her friends turned around angrily, "Guys, don't do this.  I don't care what he says.  That moron isn't worth getting in trouble over!"

They hadn't heard a word, though, and were stomping over to the offenders.  Hermione hurried after them, trying to think of a way to get their minds off fighting.  Currently she just had a prayer for a thunderstorm or a teacher.  But the sky was still clear and she couldn't locate an adult.  Mostly everyone had returned to the castle by then.  Damn.

~*I don't know what it is or what I might be coming down with*~

"Ohh, did we make you mad?" Ryan snickered.

"Why don't you grow the bloody hell up?"  Harry demanded.

"We're wounded", the chaser, Jonathan, rolled his eyes.

"You will be", Ron promised darkly.

~*Don't know where I've been  
Don't know where to go*~

"Aren't you amusing!  Look around, Weasel, you're a bit outnumbered".

It was true.  Ron was a very good fighter, tall and fit.  Harry was good at it as well, even with his slight frame.  But they couldn't take on the whole Slytherin team.

"We're leaving", declared Hermione, while glaring at the Slytherin's.

"Stay out of this, Mudblood", Dante sneered.

Stay calm, stay calm... "Listen, you pea brained, arrogant prat, do not even ATTEMPT to tell me what to do".  Hermione sighed internally, she really had to work on these outbursts.

~*Can't remember all the things that I need to know*~

He looked a bit surprised at her retort, but recovered quickly, "Isn't that cute?  She's standing up for herself.  You've been spending an awful lot of time with her, Draco, maybe you can talk some sense into her".

Draco knew the comment was a challenge.  Dante was becoming suspicious of him.  He wished he could just walk away, but it wouldn't do to have this reach Lucius.  Feeling a little sick, he slipped into the skin of the old Draco... 

"It's none of your business, Granger, go".

Hermione's eyes widened at the coldness in his voice.  Anger bubbled but there was something else... hurt?  Draco's words hadn't been able to hurt her for a while, why now?  Damn, just because the boy hadn't been a total ass for a few days was no reason to get upset when he reverted back.  No reason at all... "I don't take orders from you either Malfoy".

~*All I know is that if I think about it  
I'd still rather be me than me be you*~

Malfoy.  He winced inside.  Draco had been getting used to being called by his first name.  But that shouldn't make him disappointed now.  It was just a name.  Not to mention just a Gryffindor.  Nothing more... "Don't be stupid, you don't belong here".

'Neither do you' was her first response, but she stopped it.  She glared at him, "How do you know where I belong?"

He shrugged, "Just go bury yourself in a book.  We'll call you so you can visit your friends in the ward".

"You sure you won't be the one in there?  Oh wait, no one would come visit you", she said it without thinking.  A second later she wished she hadn't.  'Damn me and my mouth', she scolded herself.

~*I don't know what it is or what I might be coming down with*~  
 Draco's glare hardened, his eyes balls of ice.  He would give as good as he got, "Maybe not.  But I don't imagine any hordes coming for a Mudblood either".

During the two's little conversation, their respective friends were just watching.  Dante hadn't anticipated something like it when he egged Draco on.  Harry and Ron were wondering what was making Hermione upset, she usually never let Malfoy's comments get to her.

~*Don't know where I've been  
Don't know where to go*~

"Well then..." Jonathan said merely to break the silence.

Draco and Hermione looked at everyone else, having forgotten about them while arguing.  Hermione just wanted to get away from him and looked pleadingly to her friends, "This really isn't worth it".

Although they desperately wanted to injure the Slytherins, the two guys saw that Hermione needed to get out of there.  Ron nodded, "You're right".

"Running away?" Ryan taunted to their retreating backs.

~*Can't remember all the things that I need to know*~

At that Harry looked to Hermione and rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.  She laughed and felt some of the tension leave.  Ron began doing impersonations of Dante and they were soon all in hysterics.  Hermione sighed happily at the release, she and her friends hadn't had moments like this lately, she'd been so preoccupied.  After that day, Hermione wasn't too sure what she was going to do next.

Draco watched the trio break into laughter and became even angrier.  Why hadn't Hermione just gone?  If she'd listened in the first place, the whole argument wouldn't have taken place at all.

~*All I know is that if I think about it*~

_"And why do you care?"_

"Oh shut up", Draco snapped at the voice.  With a last glance at the three figures in the distance, he brought his mind back to the conversation of gloating going on around him.  However, he didn't smile quite as big as before.

~*I'd still rather be me than me be you*~

A/N:  This may be short, but the next chapter is a "meanwhile" kind of thing involving Snape and I thought it wouldn't fit in the same chapter as this one.  Too much going on at once and all.  Hope you liked it!!!  Please, I live on reviews!! :-)


	22. It Won't Happen Again

A/N:  All right, as I said last chapter, this is a "meanwhile" of what is happening to Snape.  I decided that Hermione and Draco's last detention deserved a chapter of it's own, so it's not in here.  Lucius, however, is.  Now, for all those who didn't read the author's note (which this is replacing) it was an explanation of why I was gone.  You see, my life got kinda crazy and about a month ago, a close friend of mine died in a car crash.  I didn't really feel much like writing after that.  Or doing anything, really.  In any case, I just posted it today and tonight I got a suddent burst of inspiration.  I hope you like it and thanks for sticking with me.  I know how difficult it is when a story remains unupdated and I promise I would've if I could've.  But, to be honest, I've been useless lately due to grief.  But I'm back and here, my friends, is chapter 22.  The song is "Mindless Domination" by Gardenian.  But, as always, lol, the disclaimer and review replies (even if they're from forever ago lol) :

I don't own anything but the storyline.  Please, I'm broke, no sue.

samhaincat: Thank you :)  I think they're a funny pair too.

Star Katt: Hi :-) lol, I'm sorry.  Eventually, they will.. erm.. kinda get along? lol.  Next chapter the sparks will fly!  :)

Cinnamon Angel: Yo yo, lol.  But those were all perfectly valid excuses then, lol.  And here I am, updating.  If you were online, I'd tell you, but you aren't.  At least, you better not be, lol, it'd be 6 AM there now.

Elle Granger: HIIII!!!! hehe.  Here it is!!  Hope you like :-) I hated Dante too.  Actually, I know someone named Dante and hate him, which is why I picked the name, hehe.  

goldenhorse: thanks :)  I'll check your story out.

Jewelkitten:  ok, so this wasn't soon.. but it's here, lol.  Hehe, aren't the insults fun?

Cho Chang-Emotional Dark Hole: interesting sn, lol, I like.  Thanks :)  I love halloween.  Happy REALLY belated halloween and happy early easter :)

Chelsea: Hi, thanks :)  Sure I can.  But I just noticed that you reviewed my author's note, so I shall email you to inform you of this chapter :)

Darcel: Hi!  Thank you :-)

Claire:  Hey, how are you?  Sorry this took so long, please don't hurt me, lol.  I really like how this one went, so I hope it helps to soothe people over, lol.  It would truly be horrid for you not to be able to threaten, I hope this renews your fervor lol.

YW:  Eventually, lol.  I emailed you :)

Ms Padfoot: Ahh, I can't wait to catch up with all my fics again, especially yours!!  I haven't been to fanfiction.net in forever and thus have fallen behind.  Thank you :)

BlackKat/Kirby: Hi :)  LoL!! I'm glad you like me doing these, some people get annoyed with them and say they're too long.  But I love all my reviewers.  If you can take the time to review, I can take the time to say thanks :)  Sorry about the delay, but here it finally is.  I hope you like it :)  Blackkat rules!!!  hehe :-D  No review is pointless!!!  I love all!!!! 

ToraSilverHeart:  Hey, hope you're still out there, I know this took so long.  Awwwwwww, you're so sweet.  100 pages?  Wow.  lol, no I didn't know.  Wow again, lol.  I'm so touched that you like it enough to show your friends.  Thank you :)  Yes, I am a meanie, lol, but next chapter they should be happier with eachother... Or not... *evil grin*

pupulupk:  Thank you :)  Of course I'll read.  I see you like Legalos, me too *drool* lol  Aragon too.

Dirt is Yummy:  Hi, how are you?  Well, I may be amazing, but God? lol, jk.  Thank you very much :)

Amber-and-Ash:  Hello, thank you for reviewing :)  Ah, the deeply debated topic of song lyrics.  I'm afraid I'm rather attached.  But thank you.  And I understand what you said about Draco's fumblings.  The way I was thinking of it was that he was changing the way he thought about them, but didn't want to admit it, even to himself.  Do you know what I mean?  Like, he started thinking of them on a first name basis without realizing it, and trying to fix it once he did.  Sorry, I could've made it clearer.  Thank you again for your review and constructive criticism :)

LP13:  Here it is!!  Don't die!!! lol, thank you :)

ShadowCastle:  Awww, I'm sorry.  Not really, lol, I love making people cry with stories.  I'm evil that way ;-)  lol, ahhhh not the monster under the bed!! *runs and hides*  Here's the next chapter, so he can stay with you ;-)

Loving: Thank you very much :-)  I always thought Draco should have a relationship with ONE of his parents, and I like Narcissa.  Fanfic Narcissa anyway, lol.  Don't worry, there will be things 'felt' at times, but it won't go way out or anything.  Mary Sue's drive me crazy as well, I hope I'm doing ok in that field so far?  If I start to veer, please let me know :)  Thank you again.

Jadyn Potter:  Thank you.  You are probably the reason this chapter was finished.  I didn't really realize that people wanted to read my story that much.  I was in such a slump.  I don't know what your rant did, but the words flowed.  Thank you for caring about my story and I hope you like this chapter :)

Severus smirked to himself in anticipation of the quidditch game.  Ravenclaw was good enough, true, but he had sat in on some practices and knew his team was up for it.  He has also seen the odd looks Draco had gotten from some of his teammates.  Severus had wondered what would happen when people realized the Slytherin wasn't the slimeball he had previously acted like.  It was worrying, what if someone told Lucius?  Voldemort?  

*~You're destroying everything  
Everything you touch~*

The potion's master shook himself, stressing over it would change nothing.  So far, it seemed to be just mild suspicion.  If it got worse... well, it would be handled when the time came.  Now, however, he had quite a day to take on.  After the Quidditch game would be the last detention, and then a defense lesson for Draco by himself and the were- Lupin.  Severus sighed, that would take some getting used to.  

Absentmindedly, he thought about what would become of Draco and Hermione's truce after that night.  It seemed like they were doing rather well.  Last night Severus had sat in on the detention for a change and was amazed at the two.  While cleaning they actually worked together and he hadn't heard one death threat.  Well, not a real one anyway.  Sev hated to admit a Gryffindor might be good for Draco, but he couldn't fight proof.  The question now was, would it continue?

With that thought churning around in his mind, he was about to leave his office when a house elf popped in.

"Professor has a visitor, sir", she squeaked.

Severus' eyes narrowed as he tried to imagine who would be visiting him at Hogwarts, "Who, Myra?"

The little elf shuddered a little ("Uh oh" Sev said to himself), "Mister Malfoy, sir".

Every muscle seemed to freeze.  Lucius was there??  Why the HELL had he come to the school?  He knew that he couldn't very well beat Draco right within the walls, right?  Severus wanted to scream in frustration, but managed to calm his voice, "All right, tell him to come in".

*~When you are here in me~*

While waiting, he concentrated on suppressing any and all homicidal thoughts.  That was hard enough to do when Lucius wasn't near him, how could he do it now?  All Severus could see was the condition Draco had been in after the previous weekend.  Hatred surged, today was supposed to be a good day, it was such nice weather for quidditch... "Damn!" he swore softly.  The quidditch game!!  He had been looking forward to going.  Not only to see the Ravenclaws be beaten, but to watch Draco play.  He was unreasonably disappointed that he would miss some of it.  How had that happened?

*~This is how close you'll get  
with me, I'm like the criminal~*

The entrance of a tall, blonde man broke into that trail of thinking.  He smiled at Severus, the other man cringed internally in response, and greeted him.

"Hello Lucius", he hoped the anger was successfully reined in.

"How are you?" Lucius questioned politely.

"Fine, and yourself?" Severus wanted to scream, why the hell wasn't the man getting to the point??

*~Insane with an urge of rage in me   
I shouldn't still be free~*

He nodded and finally answered the silent question, "I came by to check on Draco".

"What?" The word flew out as Severus went completely still.  What exactly did that mean?

Lucius didn't seem to notice the reaction, "You know, make sure there were no suspicions about before", he smirked.

'HOW DARE YOU!' The professor's mind raged, but he struggled to smirk back, "Everything went perfectly".

_"Breathe in and out, Sev" _, the voice cautioned.

*~The voices in my head twist my mind groundly~*

'Yes yes, I know', he snapped back.  He knew the importance of playing his part, but still said, "You did quite a number on him".

Lucius shrugged and leaned on his cane a bit, "He angered the Master".

"Well the Master does need him alive", Severus made his tone careless.

"You'd be amazed what that boy can live through", he laughed.

_"Ignore him!!!"_ Sev heard the command in his head.  Fine, he wouldn't say anything about that comment, but he was desperate to have the monster leave, "All right, hope your mind is eased now.  It was nice seeing you, Lucius".

*~Paralyzed my fears of my own judgment~*

"Eager to get rid of me, Severus?" 

Severus saw the smirk and knew he was safe, Lucius didn't really suspect him of anything, "Of course not.  I just figured you would want to be getting back home".

"I have nothing to do there.  I heard there was a quidditch game today, thought I would stay for it.  Then afterwards I can speak with Draco, say hello and all", the smirk became even more sadistic than usual.

*~Not standing on my own controlled  
by a voice in my head~*

"Well, there's his detention...", he trailed off, Lucius didn't know about the detention, oh no...

"Detention?" The cold silver eyes narrowed.

'Shit!' Severus mentally cursed.  He couldn't very well reveal the reason for it.  Grasping for an explanation, he clung to the first one that his mind came up with, "It's not really his.  That Granger girl, I think you know of her?  She mouthed off in class and got a week of detention.  Albus and I have needed to discuss course plans so I send Draco down there to supervise her".  'Please believe it', he begged in his mind.

Lucius nodded, "Those filthy mudbloods, not surprising, they have no respect for their betters.  I'll just have a minute with him beforehand, if that's all right".

Incredibly relieved that Lucius bought his lie, Severus just nodded, "Of course".

*~Losing the control of life  
can't decide about my own visions of life~*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

The two men watched the match closely.  Both were looking for different things, though.  One was searching for errors, mistakes, ammo for later.  The other was keeping an eye out to see when the boy would see the snitch, until then he was content with the outstanding moves Draco made.  Having Lucius right next to him, though, added another picture to his mind.  One of a white-blonde boy hurtling down to the earth at an alarming rate.  And it was all the fault of the beast that dared to invade the safety of the school.

*~So sickened of the lies~*

_"He's going to expect you to cover up whatever he does"_, the voice said sadly.

'I know!', Sev answered angrily, 'What am I supposed to say? 'Oh sorry, Lucius, can't help you there.  You see, I'm actually a spy for the light and am going to teach Draco how to fight you'?!'

_"Add a few obscenities and it's perfect"_

*~The voices in my head twist my mind groundly~*

Despite the tension, Severus laughed a little to himself.  It all seemed so unbelievable.  How the hell had he gotten to be sitting here thinking these thoughts?  He shook his head, sometimes life was too twisted for even him.

Finally, Severus saw Draco zero in on the snitch.  'Please please please', he repeated to himself.  

*~Paralyzed my fears of my own judgment~*

"Yes!" He couldn't help semi shouting.  Lucius would have no reason to torment Draco over this match.  Sev smirked at this victory and glanced over to see how his "friend" was taking Draco's success.  Unsurprisingly, Lucius' face remained emotionless.  If anything, there was an air of annoyance about him.  As if Draco had no right to do something correctly.  Severus shook his head, the kid was damned if he did, and damned if he didn't.

*~Cause of what they say no matter what  
Still I hear their screams, terrified, afraid~*

_"Think happy thoughts",_ The voice cautioned.

Sev rolled his eyes and rose.  There were more important things than him yelling at Lucius right now.  It was time for the monster to see Draco...

*~Grow~*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Severus left a message with a third year Slytherin to send Draco up to his chambers immediately.  The professor and Lucius went there themselves and settled down to wait.  Sev didn't think it was quite fair that fate was making him spend so much time with this creature.  Wasn't it enough that he hadn't inflicted bodily harm yet?  Just how strong did the universe think he was??

*~A piece is getting sicker my mind is contaged~*

Conversations were started, awkwardly ending.  Small talk was attempted and discarded.  Severus hoped Lucius just assumed he was distracted about classes, it would not do to have his odd behavior get back to Voldemort.

Finally, however, they heard the door open and a voice floated through.

"Professor Snape, they said you wanted to see..." Draco trailed off as he caught sight of the whole room... and the fact that his father was in it.

"Close your mouth, Draco, it's unbecoming", Lucius smirked, "Aren't you happy to see me?"

*~Insane, prevailed~*

Draco, meanwhile, was trying to figure out if this was a nightmare or a giant cosmic joke.  It wasn't enough that he had all the Hermione issues swirling in his head, no, now Lucius had to show up.  He unknowingly repeated Sev's question, just how strong did fate think he was??

"Of course, Father, I was merely surprised.  I did not know you had a visit planned".

"I didn't.  I wished to speak to Professor Snape about last weekend.  When I learned there was a quidditch match, I just had to stay.  What kind of father would I be if I did not?" The mocking tone could've wilted a rose.

'I don't know', Draco wanted to retort, 'What kind are you now?'.  It incensed him that Lucius could be so casual about last week.  He had practically beaten his own son to death!  But it didn't matter to him, not at all... 

*~It could happen to us all in a day~*

"I hope you enjoyed the game", he kept his tone controlled.

Lucius nodded slightly, "Well, I must admit it was nice to see you succeed for once.  Congratulations".

Draco recognized the sarcasm but thanked his father anyway.  His mind wandered to why Lucius would want to speak with him now.  He didn't expect to do anything within Hogwarts... did he?  The thought made him cold.  

*~Falling down into my crypt~*

But, no, he had to know about the detentions, so he couldn't do anything too bad.  Draco didn't know how the professor had explained the detentions away, so figured he wouldn't mention them as of yet.

Severus was doing his best to not intervene in the discussion between 'father' and son.  The damn man couldn't even congratulate his son right.  What a waste of life...  And so he simmered in anger and remained silent.  Then he heard his name..

*~The voices in my head will stay free~*

"Severus", Lucius was looking at him, "Could Draco and I speak privately for a moment?  It won't take long, I promise, I know he has to go make sure that Granger girl doesn't blow up your lab".

So that was it, Draco thought idly.  Actually, it was pretty clever.

_"What would you have done if he'd asked you about them?"_ The voice intruded.

*~Voices!~*

'I don't know', he answered honestly, 'But I'm sure I would've thought of something'.

_"Maybe"._

'Shut up'.

The potions teacher wasn't quite sure what to do.  He couldn't think of a valid reason not to do as Lucius asked, but he was wary of leaving them alone.  Even if Lucius couldn't physically harm Draco, his tongue could do almost as much damage.  He caught Draco's eye and the young man nodded, as if in consent.  Sending a prayer up to the heavens, Severus answered.

"Of course it's not a problem.  You can just send him down to my classroom afterwards, I should get to Dumbledore's.  Nice seeing you, Lucius", he choked on the last words.

*~The voices in my head twist my mind groundly~*

"Thank you, friend, and you as well".

Friend.  Severus shuddered and slowly left his chambers.  In his mind a familiar chant was going on, "Please, please, please, please.."

Lucius stretched out an arm, "Do sit down, son".

Draco obeyed immediately, sitting as far away as possible without arousing suspicion.

"Much better.  Now, how are you feeling?" The smirk hovered beneath his features.

"I'm doing fine", Draco answered carefully, not sure where his father was going with this.

*~Paralyzed my fears of my own judgment~*

"Good", his tone seemed to suggest the opposite, "The purpose of this discussion, child, is to insure that there are no more episodes like last week.  I simply cannot have you acting that way around our Lord".

"He blamed you", the teenager commented without thinking.

Lucius' face twisted into a deep frown, "Yes, as a matter of fact, he did", his eyes narrowed even further, "Listen, boy, the Lord wants you alive.  Rest assured that is the only reason you are breathing right now.  So I wouldn't be angering him too much if I were you.  The second he loses interest..." he didn't finish, letting Draco use his imagination.

"Yes, Father, I understand.  It won't happen again", Draco was struggled to stay polite.

"It better not, or last weekend will seem like a vacation.  He needs you alive, yes, but there are things worse than death, Draco", Lucius performed his version of a smile.

'Yeah', his son thought to himself, 'Like my life'.

*~Cause of what they say no matter what~*

_"You're such a drama queen"._

'Drama king', Draco shot back then, realizing what he said, groaned inwardly, 'Just shut up!'

"Very well, you may attend to your duties now", The tall blonde man stood and waved his son off, "Make the mudblood pay".

"As always, Father".  Draco had to keep himself from running all the way to the classroom.  He wanted to separate himself from that monster as quickly as possible.  Just being near his father made Draco feel dirty, feel wrong.  Made him realize just how close he was to becoming him.  Breathing a deep sigh of relief, he entered the potions room.  The relief only lasted a second, however, because he glanced up and was met with Hermione's fierce glare.  He redirected his gaze back to the floor and sulkingly wondered with fate was worse.

*~Still I hear their screams, terrified, afraid~*

A/N:  So, how was it?  Bad?  Good?  Just eh?  Please tell me!!!  Reviews make my world go round :-D


	23. Partners?

A/N  Here I am!!  And sooner than before!!! lol, please enjoy, it's kind of weird, but I needed to get the story moving.  I explain more in an A/N at the end.  Thanks everyone for continuing to read!!  The song is "Do What I Have To" by Sarah McLachlan.

Chelsea: Here it is, I hope you like it :)

Katieshaz:  Thank you!!!  I hope you like this one too.

Kajsa: Awww, you're so nice, thank you!!  Your spelling was fine, don't worry :)  Sweden?  Awesome.

Jadyn Potter:  Hiiii, lol, here I am again, only about a week later.  Pretty good, huh? hehe.  I promise to have a flashback coming soon, I really like writing them too.  Do you have a preference for what it should be about?  The next chapter is the training session, so I could work pretty much anything in.  I could never abandon this fic, no matter what, it's my baby!!

Cho Chang- Emotional Dark Hole: LoL, I can't really see that either.  As much as Dray may turn from the Dark in this fic, he's still a Slytherin :)

Claire: Hiii!!*hug* Here's a new chapter, all nice and not 5 million months later, lol.  I know, our dear Sevvy has to do so much.  I hate Lucius.  I think I'm going to have an upcoming chapter in his POV again, and he'll be with Voldie and Voldie will be mad at him, muahahah..

BlackKat99: Hey.  lol, you were right that first time, Lucius is a bastard.  I know, I was wondering what to have them do, but figured even Lucius wouldn't be dumb enough to beat Draco when he had to go to a detention right afterwards.  Thanks :)  LoL, I hope this makes you happy as well, it's all Hermione/Draco-ness, hehe.

Elle Granger: Hey!!!  I'm gonna email you soon but I can say hi to you here too, lol.  Haha, I know, he upsets me too sometimes and I'm the one writing it.  Well then you might have a few problems with the opening of this chapter...hehe... but it gets better as you read on, I promise! lol.  Enjoy :-)

Cinnamon Angel: Hey hun!!!  I know, Lucius is an asshole.  I can't wait till I really get to hurt him in this fic.  O that will be a bright, bright day *evil grin*  LoL, you and Elle will be yelling at the beginning of this, but Hermione sees the light!!  Yeah, I did have some family stuff, and one of my asshole uncles didn't take his freaking meds and was an even bigger asshole.  O well, my family never has good holidays, it's tradition *rolls eyes*  I hope yours was better.  He beat me twice too, the jerk! *pout*  I won once, but that didn't really do much, lol.  I trust you, hun, I'm just not really sure what to say, it's all feelings, you know what I mean?  But I sent you an email explaining my good mood as of today.  I think I made a breakthrough in the Meg department.  I kinda feel like she's with me, if that makes sense.  Anyway, I love you!!!!!!!  Talk to you tomorrow (I WILL be on!!).

Hermione heard the door open and took a calming breath.  She could get through this detention without blowing up at Draco, she knew she could.  Just because she started believe....  what?  That he was human?  That they could actually have a conversation?  It was ridiculous that she was letting this bother her.  It was just Malfoy, just a Slytherin.  What did she care about his friendship?  He was nothing, absolutely nothing...Then why was she staring at him with eyes angrier than ever before?

~*What ravages of spirit

conjured this temptuous rage*~

"You're going to break those beakers", Draco said, unable to think of anything else.

Hermione looked down at the beakers being discussed, they did look like they were about to shatter.  She forced herself to loosen her grip.  It wasn't their fault that Draco was an asshole.  'No', she corrected herself internally, 'Malfoy, not Draco.  Not anymore'.

~*created you a monster*~

"Do you want some help?" He was terrified and couldn't quite figure out why.  Did her opinion really matter to him that much?

"I can manage on my own", she replied coldly, "I'm sure you can find something to do on your own".

Dammit.  Draco wasn't sure what to do.  He knew the rational thing would be to do as she said.  Then after tonight they wouldn't have to be alone again.  Ever.  But he'd grown so used to having someone who didn't hate him... "Hermione".

~*broken by the rules of love*~

Her head shot up and she couldn't stop the words that poured out, "No, not Hermione.  I'm Granger, remember??  I'm part of the 'three musketeers', I'm a know it all, I'm a mudblood!  Or have you suddenly forgotten?"

"Don't call yourself that—" Draco started, not really knowing where he was going with it.

"Why the hell not?!" Hermione interrupted, "You didn't seem to have a problem with it earlier.  Oh no, wait, I get it", she coated her words with sarcasm, "You can be nice to me, just not let anyone see it, right?  Of course, how could I have been so stupid?  As if the great Malfoy himself could lower himself in such a way in public!  Forgive me, your majesty".  Even she didn't know she had that much anger built inside.  She pushed away the nagging voice reminding her that she had promised to befriend him.  It was dumb to think that would ever work.

The Slytherin felt defensive anger rising up in himself, "If you had just left when I said to..."

~*and fate has lead you through it

you do what you have to do*~

"Oh yes, if I had just listened to you", she interrupted again, "Because you always have the best ideas".

"Let me finish!" Draco snapped, "If you had just left when I said to then I wouldn't've had to prove anything to Dante!"

"What the hell do you have to prove to him?!  That you're a jackass?  Well congratulations, you did quite a good job of it!"

He brought his fist down on a table, hard, "Why did I think you would understand?  Everything's so easy for you!"

"Yeah", she rolled her eyes, "Everything's bloody perfect.  After all, who wouldn't want to be stuck being hurt by a guy they're supposed to hate?"

~*and fate has lead you through it

you do what you have to do*~

Her words strangled the air between them.  Hermione couldn't believe she had admitted it, and he couldn't believe she cared enough to be hurt.  Desperate to breathe, Hermione started towards the door.

"I need to go".         

"Wait", Draco put out an arm to stop her.

"Why?" She wouldn't look at him, "So you can wring a few more secrets out of me?"

"Hermione, you don't...", He couldn't figure out how to put it, "There are a lot of things you don't know about all this.  I had to make Dante believe nothing had changed".

~*and I have the sense to recognize that

I don't know how to let you go*~

Her eyes still wouldn't meet his, "And they have?  Let's be realistic here, anything less than hatred between us just isn't going to cut it.  After tonight, we'll be free of each other, so just let it go".

Draco knew he had to tell her what he had discovered, "No, we won't be.  At least, you won't be free from me.  The nightmares, the sickness... you were right, it was my fault".

That got her gaze, "What do you mean?"

"I thought you were a genius", He smiled weakly, "Put two and two together, Hermione, I get a panic attack and you feel the effects as well?  Does that seem normal to you?"

~*every moment marked

with apparitions of your soul*~

"But... Saturday, the nightmare on Saturday, how could that...", Images of an unconscious Draco came to mind, "Oh god", she practically fell as she sat down on a nearby stool, "It was you.  The nightmares, the screaming.. oh god".

He looked at her oddly, "What do you mean?  What do you know about Saturday?"

"I saw you", she answered without thinking, still so caught up in what she just discovered, "When you came back, I saw you.  Snape and Dumbledore were at the door, and Snape left and came back with you and...", Hermione trailed off as she realized what she was unveiling.

Draco, for his part, was pretty shocked, "You spied?"

~*I'm ever swiftly moving

trying to escape this desire*~

"Only a little", she hedged, "I was out of my room, couldn't sleep, and I heard something..."

"Bull".

She looked at him, irritated that she was going to have to tell him, "Fine.  I happened to overhear you and Snape one night after detention.  I felt that there was something I was missing, so I just stayed for a couple minutes.  What I heard didn't really make any sense.  Something about not letting some mysterious "him" win.  The next day you weren't at detention and I felt really ill, then had this horrible nightmares", Hermione started remembering them and shivered, "The worst one hurt so much, everything was so confusing, but someone laughed, this horrible, inhumane laugh.  I decided to borrow Harry's cloak and watch the doors that night because Snape said you would be returning", remembering the lie to her friend, she blushed a little, "I,erm, told him I had to study in the restricted section of the library.  I got worse, physically, Snape even offered to let me out of detention.  So, anyway, that night I watched... I saw Snape come in with you floating next to him", her voice became tighter, "I saw your face".  She stopped there, no need to tell of Dobby's part in it all if not necessary.

~*the yearning to be near you*~

Draco had been listening in rapt silence.  When she mentioned the laughter, his stomach clenched, knowing it was Lucius'.  His eyes widened when she said she lied to her friend, and even more at the news of Snape offering compassion.  Finally, he looked at the wall while she spoke of seeing him that horrible night.

"So you... you felt it?" His voice was choked a little.

"Some", she replied softly, "The more I saw, the more I felt".

"I'm sorry".

~*I do what I have to do*~

Hermione's eyebrows raised, an apology from Draco?  That was something new.  She couldn't let him, though..Not for what she was feeling...

"Don't be.  This isn't your fault".

He looked down at her and she was struck by how lost he looked, "How did it happen?"

"I couldn't even begin to guess.  I'll start looking up these kind of connections immediately, the library should have something...", she heard a low chuckle, "What?"

~*the yearning to be near you*~

"Nothing, that's just so... you.  Have a mystery?  Look to the books", He smiled.

She shifted on the stool, "Well, where else would we find the answer?" Draco shook his head, "Exactly".  Neither spoke for a moment.  Then he heard Hermione's tentative voice... 

"So, the Dante thing... does it have to do with... with how I saw you?"

Draco nodded and chose his words carefully, "I have an image to maintain.  Not for ego or anything, it just has to be done.  I'm supposed to hate all 'inferior' wizards.  And I'm supposed to be Harry's mortal enemy.  If it were to be spread around that I was not doing what I was supposed to..."

~*I do what I have to do

but I have the sense to recognize*~

Hermione only briefly reflected on the fact that he called her friend "Harry" before catching on to what her companion said, "Then you would come home like you did before", she finished for him.  Imagining that happening again, she bit her lip.

Draco nodded again and stared at his hands, wondering where she'd go from there.

"But", she thought of something, "What was the reason for last time then?  You weren't acting really un-Slytherinish.  Snape said you had something to attend to at your house".

~*that I don't know how

to let you go*~

"There are other things that... upset the balance at the manor".

_Master Lucius was mean to Master Draco!_ Dobby's words played through Hermione's mind, "Lucius... The panic attacks... The Cruciatus".  Her body started to tremble as she realized that, through her connection with Draco, she had felt part of the Unforgivable.

Draco realized it at the same moment as her and slumped onto a stool.  Great, now he was hurting yet another person.  "Hermione, I'm..."

But she wasn't listening to him, "I know Dobby said he did, but I don't know if I really believed it, I mean who would?" She looked to him, as if for an answer.

~*I don't know how

to let you go*~

"Dobby?"

"Yes, Dobby", Hermione waved a hand impatiently, "I went to him the day after I saw you and asked about your life at the manor", when he opened his mouth to object, she continued, "Yes yes, I know, I'm horribly nosy and it was none of my business.  But I had just seen you near death, I needed a few answers".

"I see", Draco didn't know what to make of all of it.  He wanted to be angry at her for poking into his life, but he wasn't sure anyone, besides Snape, had put so much energy into looking out for him before.

~*a glowing ember*~

Hermione was sure there was a lot she still didn't know, all the pieces weren't fitting together yet.  Hell, she didn't even know why he had detention yet.  But her head was already spinning, and the information she was trying to process was hard enough on its own.  She wasn't sure she could take anymore.  Also, she felt she'd pushed Draco enough.  There would be time to find out more later.  This might be the last night of detention, but she wasn't letting it go.  Not after all they'd just uncovered.  Hell no.

~*burning hot*~

"So, where does this leave us?  The detentions end tonight..." She stated the obvious.

"Us?" He looked at her oddly.

"Yes, us.  I may not know all of this yet, but trust me, you will tell me soon.  I have some kind of freaking bond with you.  And if I'm going to be feeling your pain then, dammit, you're going to keep me clued in on things".

~*burning slow*~

Draco raised a blonde eyebrow, "You want to stay in?  This isn't exactly an ideal situation".

"Yeah, well, life isn't exactly 'ideal' in case you haven't noticed", she quieted her voice, "I want to help".

"Why?  You don't even like me" He sounded so confused.

"I can't say I'm your biggest fan, no", she smiled a little, "But I can't just sit here and watch this happen".

He was exasperated, "I just don't understand how you can want to help someone you barely know, who means nothing to you".

~*deep within I'm shaken by the violence

of existing for only you*~

"I know you don't", she sighed softly, "But let's face it, I'm already involved.  We might as well make the best of it".

Draco stared at her closely, "I don't want pity".

She rolled her eyes, "I'm not pitying you, you moron.  You know, there's a difference between sympathy and pity".

"Not that I can see".

"Hence why you're the moron and I'm the brains", she smirked.

"This is starting off nicely.  There's nothing I can say to discourage you?"  Try as he might, Draco just couldn't muster up too much anger that she was forcing herself into the situation.  Normally, he hated to have anyone try to fix things for him.  But he was just so tired of being alone.  And she was calling him Draco again...

"Afraid not".

"Don't tell your little boyfriends".

She glared, "I won't".

"And there may be more scenes like today happening".

~*I know I can't be with you*~

"I know".

"And you'll have to deal with Snape, since he has decided to take over my life as well".

"Yup".

"And if you do find out all the details, you may wish you never found them out".

"Uh huh".

"And—"

"Draco!" Hermione broke in, laughing, "I get the point, ok?  It's going to be a long, torturous journey that I'm going to pray I had never taken part in, right?" He nodded, "Good, we have that settled, will you let it go now?"

~*I do what I have to do*~

"I just don't think you understand exactly what you're jumping into here.  I mean, I'm the freaking Prince of Slytherin, you HATE me!" He had to be sure she was ready for this.

"I don't hate you... not anymore, anyway".

"Fine, but I reserve the right to throw you out of this at any moment I please, got it?"

"Yeah, whatever", she put out her hand.

"I'm going to regret this", he muttered as he shook her hand.

~*I know I can't be with you*~

"No you won't.  Now, we should do some sort of work before Snape returns.  I doubt  he's going to be in a very good mood, not that that's new".

"Yeah", Draco mused, "Especially with my father visiting".

"What?" Hermione stilled as she rose from the stool, "Lucius is here??"

"Not anymore..."

"All this time we've been screaming at each other and not once do you mention he's here??"

~*I do what I have to do*~

"Erm.."

"What happened?"

"We just spoke".

"About...?"

He stared at her, "You really are prying, did you know that?"

~*and I have sense to recognize but*~

"I prefer 'curious', now answer the question".

He sighed, "We talked about last weekend and how I was going to be a good little deatheater from now on".

Hermione watched him for a moment, then decided he was telling the truth, "Ok, good.  Now let's clean".

Draco stood up, "You are SO bossy".

"Says the Prince himself..."

And so the night wore on.  Each tried to ignore the tension that they both felt, knowing that from thereon things were going to get very, very complicated.

~*I don't know how to let you go*~

A/N: Ok, before I get a bunch of reviews about OCC-ness, yeah I know Draco was pretty soft this chapter.  But, for gods sake, the kid just had to insult a girl he's trying not to like, then come face to face with his father for the first time after the guy almost beat him to death.  I think this encourages a bit of a breakdown in walls.  As for Hermione, she's really, really glad that Draco isn't an asshole, simply put.  Don't worry, things won't be anything near smooth from now on, I just wanted a breakthrough chapter.  This story has to get moving.  Anyway, now that I'm done defending myself against something that hasn't happened yet, please review!!!  I love reviews!!!! So does Bud, my leprochaun!!!


	24. Enter Padfoot

Hey people! Look who it is, out of the darkness!!!!! lol. I don't have my laptop yet but decided I couldn't wait anymore. So here is the entry of my darling, lol. I know it's kinda short, but it's a VERY important chapter. I'll try to make the next one longer. Anywho, I'm not going to do replies this chapter because there'd just be TOO many lol. Suffice to say thank you to anyone who has stuck with me. Now here it is, and the song is "Point of No Return" by Duran Duran. And my lyrics are now in italics since they won't let me have squigglies anymore.

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_The random aspects of our lives___

Remus felt uneasy as he made his way to Hogsmead. Maybe this was a bad idea, maybe they should put it off, maybe... he shook his head. Time wouldn't make it any easier. Severus and Sirius would have to meet eventually, no matter what either one thought about it.

_Come together once in a while___

He imagined the reunion in his mind and shuddered. Dumbledore had Snape, who thought it was just going to be a normal meeting, waiting in his office. They decided that it would be best to keep him in the dark. It wouldn't be good if he decided to up and apparate on them. Or if he had time to plot. As for Sirius, Remus was hoping he could calm him down on the way to Hogwarts. The wizard had a good heart, it was just that damn temper.

_So blinding and decidingly___

His thoughts were halted by the knowledge that he was almost at the meeting point, a deserted area on the outskirts of the town. No one could see, and even if they could, it would only show him talking to a huge black dog. A bit odd perhaps, but nothing to call the Ministry about.

As he waiting for Sirius, Remus took deep breaths to calm himself. Everything was just so crazy it seemed he barely had time to think lately. And who would have ever thought protecting Lucius Malfoy's son would be a part of it?

_Naivity falls from our eyes___

A cold nose against his hand made him jump. He hadn't even realized that Padfoot had approached him. Damn dog. He petted the canine's head and said, "Good boy", for which the 'good boy' tried to bite him. They began to walk towards the school and Remus began his speech softly so no passerbys could catch anything, "Ok, here's the thing. We have a bit of a situation at the castle. Well of course you know that, the note said it", he was starting to ramble, "But the specifics of it are what's important. It was too dangerous to include them. You see, there is a problem with Draco Malfoy", the dog glared at him, "Nooo, not like that. He's in trouble. Big trouble. Seems young Malfoy doesn't want to be a Deatheater. I've been asked by Dumbledore to assist in the boy's training so he can eventually defy his father. That's why you're here, to help".

_And we'll not regain___

The animal seemed to be ok with everything so far. Remus wished he could just stop there but it had to be done, "There's one other person helping us with all of this... Severus", Padfoot stopped walking, "Now, just hear me out. He's on our side, truly! And his knowledge of Voldemort's inner circle is very helpful. Come on, for the kids sake", he pleaded with his friend. Finally the dog started walking, albeit stiffly.

Remus sighed in relief, the battle wasn't over, but at least the initial part was done with. He wondered how Severus was going to react.

_--------------------------------------------------------------_

_As we watch the tower falling down___

Dumbledore smiled to himself as he watched Severus pace the room. The poor man had no idea what he was in store for.

_Maybe things can change___

"What is taking him so long?! He said his errands in Hogsmead wouldn't take more than a few moments", Snape was impatient to get back to his lab and work on a potion he was fooling around with for Draco.

"Patience, Severus, patience", the Headmaster said softly, "Remus will return shortly".

___Only if you want___

"He better or else -"  
He didn't get to finish, as at that moment the door opened and in came Remus... with a shaggy black dog.

Snape pointed at it, "What is that?"

_Maybe things can change___

Padfoot resumed his human form and glared at the other wizard, "Who are you calling "that"?!"

Snape stood in shock before yelling, "Why is a _fugative_ in Hogwarts and why isn't the Ministry being called?"

_Maybe things can change___

"I'm no fugative you greasy haired twit!"

"Which is why there's a reward for your head!!"

"Look, I don't want to be here with you either, but Remmy here has assured me that you're not a Deatheater. So if I'm extending a little trust, I think you can too Snapey. For the kid."

You know you know there's no avoiding the lesson to be learned  
(The lesson to be learned. The point of no return)

Severus turned on Remus, "You told him about Draco?? What in the bloody hell were you thinking?!"

"It was my idea, Severus", Dumbledore stepped in, "I thought Draco could benefit from some of Sirius' teaching as well. He's very good at keeping secrets".

_You say : What if ?, but can you live it ?___

Sirius smiled a little at that last bit, "Exactly, so calm yourself before your tiny little brain explodes". Remus glared at him and mouthed a 'shut up'.

"I can't believe this. This... this criminal who is wanted by everyone, who escaped from this very school..." Severus was still in shock.

It's all that we deserve  
(It's all that we deserve . The point of no return)

"It is because of me that he escaped", Dumbledore informed him, "I knew he was innocent. I also knew there was no way to prove it. Sirius is jepordizing his safety by helping us".

"What about Draco's safety?" The potions master wondered aloud.

_Don't blame yourself don't blame me___

"Are you deliberately being dense?" Sirius asked, "That's why I'm hear. Now open your mind a little and inform me of what's been going on".

Severus finally seemed to give in and sat down with a sigh. He listened as Remus and Albus explained, jumping in every once in a while.

But we're the ones who can feed the ground  
So this poison tree don't grow again

He watched Sirius' face as he was told the events and took comfort in the sad look that came over it when they talked about Draco's condition when he returned after the past weekend. Maybe the moron would actually come in handy.

Sirius listened attentivelly as they told him about the previous night's training session. It was more of an introduction than anything else, Draco practicing basic spells that he already knew in order to warm up. He'd seemed preoccupied, but they assumed it was just because of the obvious. They were giving him that night to practice by himself and the next session would be the following evening.

_And from this glass and broken earth (there is a way)___

With that overwith, Remus smiled a little as he related the interesting fact that Draco'd had to endure detention with Hermione.

"You're kidding!" Sirius was grinning.

Remus shook his head, "Nope, and suprisingly, she didn't kill him".

There is a way that can be build  
A better life for everyone

Finally Dumbledore ended the meeting, saying to Sirius, "I know you're dying to go see Harry, so off with you. Just be sure to stay out of sight of course".

He was gone in a flash, with Remus following him, laughing. Snape started to leave, but Dumbledore stopped him, "Is this going to be ok Severus?"

Maybe things can change  
Only if you want

The other wizard was silent for a moment, "I don't have much of a choice, do I? I'm not going to pretend I like it, but if it's best for Draco... I shall make do".

Dumbledore figured that was the best he could hope for and let him go. As he sat back down, there was a wide smile on his face. This would certainly shake things up.

Maybe things can change  
Only if you want


	25. Guess What

And here is the next chapter!!! Look, only like a week later, aren't you guys proud of me? Grin A session will be coming in a few chapters, and a flashback or two will get worked in, I miss them. The song is "Did You?" By Hoobastank Anywho, enjoy!!

Lone Wolf55: Thanks J Yup, an update real soon, I'm so happy!! Hehe :D

Cinnamon Angel: O like you're one to talk!!! Lol. I could be working on OC stuff smirk Hehe, they are kinda like us, huh? Yeah, sure you do, you act it so well :p

HPFreakOut: Thank you very much J I'm glad you like it J Yup, never know with our dear arch nemesises. I can't wait to have some fun with them. And here's some Draco for you J

Crystallized Snow: My thoughts exactly :-D

Hottennispro88: Hey, thanks for the review on my OC fic too J And here's my update, only a week later, tis a miracle J Yup, I'll check out your fics, I love finding new ones.

Celebrean: Aww, thanks!!! You gave up sleep for me? I'm so flattered. I hope you like the new chapter J

Disclaimer: If I had Draco, do you really think I'd be here typing? 'Nuff said.

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Hermione leaned up against the stonewall and shivered, "And we couldn't have found a comfortable place to meet because…?"

_Did you say everything you could?_

Draco shrugged, "You have another place we could be sure not to be found?"

They were in the deserted hallway Hermione had found him in that day she let her emotions lead her. They decided that their meetings had to be totally secure. It simply wouldn't do to have someone discover the twistedness that was the entire situation. What these meetings would accomplish exactly, Hermione had no idea. But she wasn't backing off, not now.

_Do the things that you thought you would?_

Giving up the idea of a nice, warm fire, she asked, "Have you figured out whether to tell Snape or not?" Not having an opinion herself, it was up to him.

Draco sat on the floor and stretched, "I'm not sure. It seems like he should know, since he's orchestrating this whole thing, but…"

"Professor Lupin is involved too", Hermione pointed out, "If Snape has any problems, I'm sure Lupin will talk to him".

_Did it ever occur to you that this could be your final day?_

"Well if we do tell him, it should definitely be in the presence of Lupin. That way there'll be someone to defuse the situation, just in case".

Hermione looked at him, "Would Snape really hate the idea of a Gryffindor being involved so much?"

He lifted his hands in confused, "To be honest, I don't even know what he's thinking. He's a very strange man".

"Gee, really? Could've fooled me", she rolled her eyes.

"I think I liked quiet, studious Hermione better", Draco retorted with a glare.

"Oh, shush. Let's go over the facts. Voldemort wants you to be his successor, you don't want to be. In order to prepare you for this prestigious position, he has decided to train you. And by train, he means torture. Lucius is all for this and is making everything 10 times worse. Meanwhile, Snape and Lupin are also training you, to defeat Voldemort. And none of the DeathEaters have any idea Snape is a spy… Am I right so far?"

_Did you go where you wanted to go?_

"Pretty much. Training the Snape was okay, better than with Voldemort in any case. We didn't do anything big, really, Lupin said he wanted to wait for something", Draco recalled.

Hermione chewed her bottom lip, "Any idea what that something is?" He shook his head, "All right, hopefully it'll be good news".

"What's that again? I've forgotten".

She nudged him with her foot, "None of that now. The key is to stay focused". Hermione really wasn't listening to herself. She was instead trying to figure out just how she was going to help. The whole conspiracy was so large, what could one young witch do? Draco sighed next to her and she stared at him for a moment.

_Learn about what you wanted to know?_

Maybe that's all she had to do, keep his mental health there while Snape dealt with the physical. She could do that… if she didn't kill him, that is. Draco may not be Voldemort II, but he could still be bloody annoying. Suddenly, Hermione realized he'd said something, "Sorry, what was that?"

Draco looked up at her with an aggravated expression, "I said any luck with the library?"

Impersonating him, she lifted an eyebrow, "And tell me when between detention last night and today I would've gone to the library".

"Well you do kind of live there, don't you?"

It's for the good of mankind, good of mankind… "I do not live there, Draco! I do have friends who require some amount of my time".

He smirked, "Oh yes, the wonderboys. How are they taking to you being away so much?"

_Did you ever really give something back instead of always taking it?_

Thinking about it, Hermione frowned, "Not well…", she shook herself, "We're not supposed to be talking about me".

"I don't have much else to tell you, Detective Granger".

"The sarcasm? Not much fun anymore. But if we're done, then let's get the hell out of this cold corridor, hmm?"

Draco stood and gestured with his arms, "Lead the way".

_Did you find what your looking for?_

Hermione did so, muttering about arrogant Slytherins and something about pink hair. Draco decided to ignore that last bit and instead wondered how he was going to explain the alliance to Snape. Would be an interesting conversation…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hermione couldn't find her friends anywhere. They weren't in the common room, the library, she even checked the infirmary. Annoyed, she wasn't paying attention and bumped right into the Headmaster.

She blushed, "I'm sorry, sir. I was looking for Harry and Ron and became distracted".

_Did you get your foot in the door?_

Dumbledore wore his customary smile, "No harm, Ms. Granger. I believe you'll find your friends in Professor Snape's office".

Hermione's eyes widened and, unthinkingly, said aloud, "What did they do now?"

"I assure you they're not in trouble. It's more of a…meeting than anything else. Go ahead, I'm sure they wouldn't mind you joining them".

Rather confused, Hermione bade farewell to the Headmaster and made her way to Snape's office. They were in there… but not in trouble…and holding a meeting. What the devil did that mean? Finally, she arrived and knocked on the heavy door.

Harry opened it, wearing a huge grin, "Hermione! We were wondering where you were, come in".

Even more perplexed, she complied and looked around the room. It all made sense when she saw the thin man sitting at Snape's desk, "Sirius! Hello! How have you been?… Considering, of course." She smiled at him, happy to note that he was looking so much better than that fateful 3rd year.

Sirius smiled back, "Hello Hermione. I've been very good, thank you, and yourself?"

She nodded, "The same… how are you here?" What would cause him to come out of hiding? Hermione knew he liked to visit Harry, but the risk was so huge.

_Can you look at yourself and feel proud of all the things you've done?_

"I've been asked by Dumbledore to help with a project, so I'll be spending a good deal of time here", Sirius informed her.

She looked at Harry, who was almost bouncing with happiness. It was so wonderful to see, her friend had become so withdrawn. This was understandable, but it made her nervous. To see him acting like the Harry she used to know made her grin as well.

"You should hear some of his stories of where he's been hiding, 'Mione", Ron spoke up animatedly, "They're brilliant".

"I can't wait", Hermione answered, but her mind started to turn. Sirius was there to help with a project… Lupin was here… Lupin said he was waiting for something, could it be possible… No, Sirius and Snape would never work together… Would they? "Sirius", he looked at her, "What's the project?"

_Did you inspire the ones that you knew?_

He shrugged, "Nothing important, helping Snapey out with some defensive stuff for the school. Can't be too careful nowadays".

She looked at the older wizard carefully, trying to detect something. His face was blank, but the fact that he mentioned Snape was just too big of a coincidence. Hermione put the thoughts away as Sirius launched into his next story. She would have to talk to Draco very soon. Until then, she could sit down and enjoy the tales.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Make a difference to those who knew you?_

"Professor Snape, we have another person involved in this little scheme now. It wasn't on purpose, but Granger is so curious and went digging. I suppose it's not as horrible as it could be, I don't think she'll tell anyone. And I guess it can't hurt to have one more person on our side. I know she's a Gryffindor, but we can ignore that under the circumstances, I think. Anyway, she already knew, so there really isn't much choice, don't you agree?" Draco spent quite some time trying to find the right way to put it. Yes, that sounded very good, he concluded, very rational. He'd decided not to include the whole connection aspect, thinking it would be best to hold off until they had some sort of explanation. Now he just had to find the professor.

He wandered around the grounds for a while, putting off the inevitable conversation. Finally, though, it could be avoided no longer and he went to Snape's chambers. His bangs on the door were harder than he meant them to be. Part of him hoped no one would answer, explaining Hermione was hard enough to do to himself, never mind the 'evil' Potion's master.

_Did you finally figure out what it is that makes us who we are today?_

But an answer came, "Oh, hello Draco". Snape was surprised, but not disappointed. He had to seek out the boy anyway, to tell him about Black. He didn't guess it would be a fun conversation, but the damn Marauder was in and there was nothing anyone could really do about it. Severus suppressed his bitterness and invited Draco in.

As soon as Severus shut the door, Draco started, "Professor, I have to talk to you about something. An unexpected…element has come into our plans. I didn't mean for her to find out, but the girl is so curious and went around asking things and saw me after the training session and really, what could I do?" His figurative mouth dropped, it came out so very jumbled, not like the speech he had practiced. Draco sighed, nothing to do now but watch Snape try to fit everything together.

_Don't waste another day_

The Professor just stared at him, not having expected the sudden announcement. Girl… curious… training session… he pieced things together in his mind, "You're talking about Ms. Granger?" Draco nodded, "And she knows…"

"Pretty much everything", Draco stated.

"I see", Severus massaged his temples. Black first, now Granger. It didn't really bother him that she knew, but he was slowly being drowned in Gryffindors! "Does she understand the risks involved? That just knowing can be dangerous?"

"Oh I've told her everything, she won't give it up", Draco told him ruefully.

_You know I know where you get one_

"All right, this is manageable. We'll have to meet with the Headmaster and get everything squared away", he looked at the boy, "You don't mind her being in it?"

Draco shrugged, "I don't know, you kinda get used to her".

Leaving it at that, Severus sat down and waved at Draco to do the same, "As it happens, I have a bit of news for you as well. There's someone else who's going to help with your training… Sirius Black", he failed to keep his voice civil when saying the wizard's name.

"What?!" Draco jumped up, "The convict?"

"Sit down", Severus waited until he did so, "It would seem Black is innocent. Dumbledore trusts him and felt his knowledge would be useful. I know it's hardly an ideal situation, but I have to admit we need all the help we can get at this point".

_Don't waste another day_

Draco let all the information sink in. Sirius Black, the infamous murderer… innocent and helping him to defeat Voldemort. It was way too weird. Lucius had always laughed extra sadistically whenever Black was mentioned, but Draco just attributed it to the man's naturally twisted nature. He stood, "Okay… I'm going to go… walk."

Severus nodded, "I'll get a meeting with Dumbledore at some point and come to collect you and Ms. Granger then".

Absently, Draco nodded back as he walked out of the chambers. It seemed that every time his mind was almost adjusted to the situation, something had to go and throw him off again. He hated the constant feeling of imbalance. It would be nice to have control again. He would… someday.

_To do anything you haven't done_

"There you are!" Someone hissed.

He turned to see Hermione coming out of a dark corner and raised a brow, "Hiding?"

"Waiting for you! I wanted to know… has Snape said anything to you about someone else being involved in this whole mess?" Hermione asked, pulling Draco into the corner too so no one would overhear.

"Actually, yes", His light eyes narrowed, "Apparently Sirius Black is going to be my new mentor".

_(Did you?)   
Did you always give it your best?_

"I knew it!" Hermione exclaimed, then covered her mouth, not having meant to be so loud. She continued, quieter, "I knew it was too coincidental".

"Obviously I'm missing something here", Draco complained.

She laughed, "You'll understand soon enough, I'm sure. It's a bit of a long story. So you talked to Snape?" She jumped topics, "Did you tell him?"

_(Did you?)   
Is there anything you regret?_

Draco forced his mind to follow her new chain, "Yeah, he said it was 'manageable'. Was pretty calm about it, actually, surprised me. Though I guess he was just preoccupied with the Black issue. In any case, he said he'd schedule a meeting with Dumbledore for all of us. Induct you to our little club".

"That works. I've got to get back, but don't worry yourself about Sirius, he's a good guy", and Hermione took off, leaving Draco to wonder just how she would know that.

_(Did you?)   
If you could have another shot at it all would you do it just the same?_


End file.
